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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

812 replies

MoMuM7 · 26/12/2022 11:18

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

OP posts:
Dragonella · 27/12/2022 17:35

Just say no.... Only fair you get what the other two got... Your brother should get his life together

Jillybloop393 · 27/12/2022 17:38

The ball's in your court - say no! You deserve your fair share, your brother is a lazy sh** - don't pander to his laziness, it's not your job to keep him.

Strangeways19 · 27/12/2022 17:38

I think your parents shouldn't have asked you to choose, they could have said you can have your inheritance and the you can choose to help brother out or not.
I would say no & explain why

LaLuz7 · 27/12/2022 17:40

She has told them NO. Please read OPs posts at least...

H007 · 27/12/2022 17:41

YABU it’s their money they can do with it as they wish. However they have asked you, and it’s up to you how you respond.

T1Dmama · 27/12/2022 17:45

Simple - just say No you’re not happy to get less than your siblings just because you’ve worked your arse off and made a success of your life…
it doesn’t matter if one is rich and another poor, all 4 should get equal shares!!
State to your parents that you were counting on that money as promised to give you some extra time to be a mummy and to get therapy!
your brother has made his own bed…. And needs to fend for himself… he’s already had his money after all!!!!

purplehair1 · 27/12/2022 17:48

Say no. Stand up for yourself. Your brother has had his share, he's had his roll of the dice and it's unfair for more money to be diverted to him. Tell your parents how you feel, you are being totally reasonable.

Poppingmad123 · 27/12/2022 17:48

Say no. Ask for your share now for reasons you mentioned and also so that’s its done with and you don’t need to have this conversation again.

That’s way your parents have given you all an equal share and if they want to gift any more money to your brother or sister, if they have any left, then that’s up to them.

Sounds like they want to treat you all the same so that is what they should do. Otherwise this money gifted is only going to cause resentment and bad feelings which they need you to make clear.

Dotcomma · 27/12/2022 17:50

Surely they still have wealth, let them bail him out with their money if they want to do that. They set the precedent by dangling 3 carrots over each of your heads - the other 2 have had theirs. Say no. A question expects a yes or no answer.

Brackensmomma · 27/12/2022 17:50

If you're patents insist you don't have to then say no..
You don't have to put yourself through this added stress and resentment of your brother by saying yes.
(As you will end up resenting him.).
You really need the time off to recover from your pregnancies then take your money as planned.

Sounds like your patents will fully stand by your decision. So don't feel bad for this decision.
Sounds lije he brought it on himself by cheating on his wife.
Good luck.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/12/2022 17:50

To be honest, regardless of your dilemma OP, my first thought was how old are your parents and are they in good health. Because if they need to go into full time care in the near future SS could be coming after you and your siblings if they consider your ‘inheritance’ as deprivation of assets.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 27/12/2022 17:52

I’d just say no.

Pipsquiggle · 27/12/2022 17:53

Why is there a sudden glut of posters who can't be arsed to read the OP's updates?

Are they bots?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 27/12/2022 17:56

Tbf for me though inheritance is a bit of a nightmare with my family. I inherited at 18 and mum insisted on half from me but not my siblings. I gave her it and regret it. She tried it again last year when I inherited (not from her side) and I said no. Mum had been trying to angle for it to be paid to her and she was going to keep 7/10 of it. I’m not amused at it all.

CocoFifi · 27/12/2022 17:58

It is your parents’ money, not yours and really up to them what they do with it. At least they have given you the courtesy of giving you a decision over it. We are not entitled to anything our parents’ have worked hard for and should never rely on it. You are a grown up and decided to have your children back to backs and not up to your mum and dad to pick up the pieces.

AllyArty · 27/12/2022 17:59

Your parents and darling brother have not treated you very well IMO. If i were you i would go back to your parents and say that the reason you didn't say much when they brought up the subject was (a) because you were stunned and (b) you didn't want to cause an upset at Christmas. And then go on to explain that you have thought about it and you would like to stick to their original arrangement. Personally I would not get drawn into a conversation about your brother because he is going to get the sympathy vote and you appear to be stronger and more decent than him. Would he do the same for you if the shoe were on the other foot? I know its hard but stand up for what you believe to be right. Good luck.

Choclover27 · 27/12/2022 18:05

Say no. If you say yes then you will be saying yes for the rest of your life. If I had said no at your age then I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now.

Missingpop · 27/12/2022 18:06

Tbh it’s not your decision to make it’s your parents; if they want to help him they should be funding him from their funds not the inheritance you’ve been promised, I say this because your sister took her years ago & your brother took his both at a younger age so there were no incurred interest rates made by them where as you’ve waited & the money your due to get has been sat in the bank earning them extra money!!! Obviously I don’t know how much that is but by the sounds of it it’s a substantial sum.
The fact he’s not worked in 2years also speaks volumes who’s supporting him the bank of mummy & daddy? He’s a grown man he needs to get up off his lazy arse & get a job; covid happened to all of us & yes sadly some of us lost our businesses but it didn’t mean we had to stop working altogether, it meant we had to man up & crack on & start again!! Life goes on & if he’d kept it in his trousers who knows he’d still have a wife & family & money in the bank to sustain himself……he’s only got himself to blame.
Say NO & do not feel guilty every action has a consequence & he’s paying for it now.😂😂😂

Greenshed · 27/12/2022 18:08

Oh goodness, they are playing the emotional blackmail card aren’t they? That is your share, which you have explained you need now, so take it. Your brother has had his share, he can’t expect mummy and daddy to keep bailing him out. He’s made this present bed, he should lie in it - it’s not your responsibility, so don’t give him some of your share.

Canthave2manycats · 27/12/2022 18:10

704703hey · 26/12/2022 22:11

Her and her partner can earn their own money.

Would you stop posting shite?!!! Are you the brother lol?

Ourlittleharmonica · 27/12/2022 18:11

OP I haven't rtft but I've read all your replies, absolutely say no. If this is how your parents have chosen to divgy things up, then you shouldn't have to pay the price for your brother's mistakes. Can't he have his other 50%? Please, please say no.

Addicted2Kale · 27/12/2022 18:16

Stop crying. Say no.

MeridianB · 27/12/2022 18:18

OP, when I read the title of your thread, I expected to think YABU. But you are absolutely not and I’m so impressed with the way you’ve handled this really delicate conversation.

I think you’re right to keep an eye on your parents (and tell your other sister) as they have already given him another lump sum and it sounds like he may use his children/single dad status to amp up the pressure on them.

He’s clearly shameless if he’s spending money on a new car while unemployed, and asking your parents to approach you for cash!

Enjoy your mat leave and therapy 🌷

DadBodAlready · 27/12/2022 18:19

Its probably difficult for your parents, they no doubt love you all equally, but see the problems your brother has and want to help him out. They decided to speak to you first. Explain that they told the kids what their inheritance would be, everyone makes decisions in life good and bad and that they aren't responsible for the decisions your siblings make. Explain both your sister and brother took early advances on the inheritance and that you didn't. Tell your parents that ultimately it's their money to do with as they wish, but that you would be disappointed because you didn't ask for an advance when your siblings did and that you wanted to prove you could make your own way and then explain what you planned to do with your share. ultimately you need to push the decsion on them and not acquiesce to ease their guilt if they decide to bail your brother out again

Rainbow1901 · 27/12/2022 18:22

OP Well done on saying No!! Take your money and make some time for your needs. Have your therapy and a holiday if necessary and most of all have some family time without the stress of having to earn it first.

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