To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

[MoMuM7]

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

Simple, say NO!!!!!

You need to speak to them honestly and frankly about it. Your brothers stupid decisions shouldn't impact you in that way. I also think it's wrong of them to even ask you - take away from one child to give to another just seems unfair all because you made better choices. Your brother needs to get off his ass.

You and your siblings have been a bit to self entitled . I hat I would do is tell them you need time off due to being burned out and you where going to ask them for your part now . Maybe they realise you need it just as much .

So your DB has had part of his share but is not yet 40? Could you have part of your share at 40 so that he gets the rest of his now and then you get the rest of your share when he turns 40?

Why? It isnt about limited funds available right now.

Her parents have the money. But her brother doesnt want his other half. He wants to save that for when he is older and he wants the OP to give up some of her money so he can have that as well. He thinks she doesnt need it so he should have it instead.

No. The OP is 40 now. This was her promised birthday gift. She doesnt need to do any messing around with half now/half later.

I assumed that the funds were planned and probably invested until that time.

I agree that the OP should not have to share her part.

If the OP agrees to half now, she'll probably never see the rest. The brother will keep packing away to get it.

It isnt a conversation to even consider having.

Just say no but relying on the Bank of Mum and Dad when you're an adult is pretty pathetic so YABU

I don't get the people berating OP for supposedly not adulting properly and making plans what to do with the money that her parents have long promised her - and which they have already given to her siblings, years ago.

Although, as a number of pedants people have already pointed out, it is not technically an inheritance (as the givers are still alive), the parents have obviously framed it this way as their preferred version of their children benefitting financially from their worldly assets, albeit with the money being passed on before their deaths. The parents have made it clear that, although they still have substantial further assets after giving these lump sums to their children, they intend to leave this to charity, so to all intents and purposes, these gifts (of which OP's is the third of three) are effectively their inheritance.

Therefore, would anybody be criticising people for wanting access to money/assets that they had received as an actual official inheritance (after their parents have indeed died)? Is it a sign of immaturity to suddenly come into a large sum of money and not to instantly reject it, but rather to welcome it and make sensible plans as to what to do with it? Should a 'proper adult' just stick the whole lot of the cash through a paper shredder and flush it down the toilet?!

I agree with others that the suggestion is unfair and unwise, and that OP should say no, but also I think PPs are picking out the worst bits about the brother and character assassinating him just as I think the OP intended. I mean if his business has gone under due to Covid that really is shit. Ok sounds like he’s not helping himself, but financial ruin due to Covid deserves a crumb of sympathy.

I mean if his business has gone under due to Covid that really is shit. Ok sounds like he’s not helping himself, but financial ruin due to Covid deserves a crumb of sympathy.

Yes, he's had it tough - although a great deal of that seems to be related to when his penis 'accidentally fell into' a woman who was not his wife; but he still has half of his own money from the parents as a huge cushion whilst he gets himself sorted again.

He used to be self-employed and now that is no longer an option. I get how disappointed he would be by that; but life deals you cards and you have to play them. Nobody is suggesting that he has to go on the game or set up a shoe-shine business using his own tongue instead of a cloth - just that he get himself an ordinary job, like millions of other people in this country do in order to earn a living and provide for their families.

Leave all of the other detail out of it and ask yourself: do you have sympathy for an adult who could easily work, but has decided that he just doesn't want to - and is then complaining that he doesn't have enough money to live and support his family?

ultimately this is not your money and your parents can give their money to whomever they want whenever they want. However, seeing as they stipulated you would get a cash amount before they died and seeing as they are asking you, I would tell them you are not happy. Personally I would have asked for a cash payout when your brother and sister got theirs to prevent something like this happening

In hindsight you should have followed yr siblings and asked for similar amount, whether u needed or not.

There is of course an advantage in taking money early. You may avoid inheritance tax, if estate is big enough.

As somebody mentioned, yr assumed share may disappear in care costs

Say no. Don't be offended that they've asked. But you feel strongly about this so be honest and give them your feelings.

Even if they mediate and don't 100% agree with your views, try to see it as a healthy, adult exchange of views.

But you DO have a choice. Tell your parents how you feel, and how much you need that money for your own well-being. Explain that you love your brother, but that you feel that he is suffering the consequences of his own actions, and can certainly find work if he needs more money. Remind them that you have asked for nothing, but you are reaching the end of your emotional rope.

You aren’t as you are not actually entitled to anything. I never inherited any money that’s an amount worth talking about. I’ve always made my own way in life, worked hard, don’t expect anything from anyone else. I get they asked for their share early and got it, you missed the boat. Move on don’t get bitter and I wish you all the very best for the future

You should have been canny and asked for the money when you were much younger as your siblings did. You could then have banked it and it would have been earning you extra in interest. I am assuming that it's at the very least 200k going by what your siblings spent theirs on, so you'd have had a decent amount of interest.

I've been put in a very similar position by a brother who's been housed for free for years in a family property + seen the flat double in value + after it was inadvertently unconditionally transferred into his name (because of the 7-year capital gains tax law) became legal owner + moved into his girlfriend's flat and without telling anyone in our family rented out the flat my parents bought + refused to discuss any sharing of value or rental revenue + justified all of the above telling estate solicitor after my parents died with the issues unresolved that any omission or ambiguity in the Will over the value increase and revenue in the flat was for him (as PoA for Finance) to determine.
Result: he - with no children or spouse - makes (property + rent) around £800K to date; I - with 3 kids + unemployed husband & only unpredictable freelance work myself - get, after having had to pay all bereaved mother's care costs, left with a fraction of that, Inattentive solicitor + demented mother + uncommunicative siblings = massive disparity in inheritance shares.
How did my parents bring us up ? Being equal & fair in everything. Result now? Huge & growing inequality. Relationships? In total disrepair: all trust has gone. Lessons? Insist on total transparency in inheritance dealings. Don't leave anything to trust, just because that worked when growing up with your sibling(s).

I have a strong feeling that this thread has been posted before, but not recently.

Can't get over the audacity of him having 50% of his left but that he wants to keep that and use OPs instead!

This 💯

and another thing I would be giving them a bollocking for causing future division within the family for doing so.

I get they asked for their share early and got it, you missed the boat. Move on don’t get bitter and I wish you all the very best for the future

No, OP didn't miss the boat at all; hers was right there waiting for her, but her brother decided that he would like a second one as well as the one he had already had.

Just wanted to say I know a little how you feel. My parents recently told me they are leaving everything to my sister and nothing to me. I was too shocked to know what to say. There’s no family fall out but they think she needs it more than me. Yes, it’s theirs to do with as they wish, but it’s still somehow a bit hurtful.

Agree with others that you can say no. Relying on handouts from parents at your age though screams ‘entitled’ to me. Sounds like you and your siblings should grow up and take responsibility for yourselves! The money belongs to your parents and it is entirely up to them what they do with it, including blowing the whole lot on luxury cruises if they want to.