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AIBU?

Is my 7 year old just being honest or is she ungrateful? Maybe it’s me maybe I’m really shit at choosing presents?

265 replies

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:23

My 7 year old DD had the following on her Santa list...

A cuddly koala that talks
Gym equipment so she can do gymnastics at home (obvs can’t have a rope hanging from the ceiling)
Lol stuff
Barbie aeroplane
A history book
Lego set
A see through umbrella
A computer
Photo frames
Surprises
Clay

And few other bits that I couldn’t make make out (sneaky look at letter before it went to Santa because she didn’t want me to see it)

This morning she opened from her list
Cuddly koala that talks
Barbie aeroplane
History book
Lego set
Surprises which were...
Playdoh set
Arts and crafts set (new pens, ribbons etc)
A lovely fluffy lockable box to put her special things in
Barbie doll for the aeroplane
Polly pocket set
Sink n sand game (she’d said she wanted this)
Puzzle
Couple of new clothes

She’s just told me she doesn’t like most of her presents and this year isn’t as good as last year.

Shes told me she isn’t that keen on the Barbie aeroplane now, Santa got the wrong history book (it’s an age appropriate lift the flaps Usbourne book), she never wanted polly pockets (already has some and asked for more about a month ago), doesn’t like the crafts set....

Aibu for thinking I’m shit at choosing presents or do I have an ungrateful child? I need perspective.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

759 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 26/12/2022 08:34

And yet adults are allowed to say what we didn't like when we know an actual human got them for us!

Helpmefixmylife · 26/12/2022 08:41

She’s little and is being honest. I don’t think you should shut her feelings down and shame her for them.

My sister told our parents she didn’t like a present when we were kids, it became such a big thing (they were annoyed) that it kind of spoiled the day and they still bring it up (sort of jokingly) now.

Your dd didn’t like all the gifts. She can still be grateful she got some. Both things are allowed to be true.

Are any open? Can she exchange them? Or sell them on Facebook marketplace and choose something else with the money?

Helpmefixmylife · 26/12/2022 08:43

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 14:43

I need to catch up but just when I thought all was going well grandparents have arrived with sack-loads of great presents, MIL is a HUGE shopper and has spent lots on each child! DD has just announced that nanny and grandad have given her better presents than Santa this year. 🙄

I also think this is a big part of it - she thinks the disappointing gifts were from Santa and not you. Therefore it wouldn’t occur to her that she was offending you!

SnowAndIceLobelia · 26/12/2022 08:48

bookworm14 · 25/12/2022 22:13

Also, all I want for Christmas next year is for the only child = spoilt slur to die in a ditch. 🙄

This. Sick of the lazy stereotyping.

Agree. It is intellectually lazy stereoptyping and just mindless.

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 09:00

Helpmefixmylife · 26/12/2022 08:43

I also think this is a big part of it - she thinks the disappointing gifts were from Santa and not you. Therefore it wouldn’t occur to her that she was offending you!

Absolutely. When children are spoilt they don't appreciate the value of things but when your own parents are blatantly out-gifting you to the point your little princess announces their presents were better than yours (even when most of it was what she asked you for), then I think I'd be having that awkward conversation with my parents about not spoiling her so much.

Betwixlass · 26/12/2022 09:13

Kids do this though. You were expected to find a magically perfect gift that she would love. I would laugh it off.

The “you’re so thoughtless and ungrateful “ narrative 1) doesn’t work 2) creates bad feelings around presents and Christmas and 3) ignores that kids this age do this.

If it were me I would joke about impossible gifts and not take it personally. I am guessing she’s not normally like this (nor read full thread sorry). Sometimes it takes a day or two to bond with the presents.

katepilar · 26/12/2022 09:19

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 25/12/2022 21:56

I was, by all accounts, a wonderfully grateful child at 7. That's because I knew my presents came from my family. My kids are the same.

If I'd thought a magical being did it all, I would have been very disappointed that the magical being didn't always get things right, and I wouldn't have had any tolerance for weird substitutions. I'd have taken it very personally if Father Christmas hadn't got me exactly what I asked for, but he had got all my friends what they asked for.

For the love of all the fairy lights in the street, stop overdoing it with the Santa pretence. Santa only fills stockings, and wrapped gifts bought by you should have a label saying so.

And you should stop telling people what they should do. There is obviously more than one way to do it.

Mummadeze · 26/12/2022 09:23

I really would have a chat with her about gratitude. She is very lucky to have all those lovely gifts and she needs to appreciate this. How disappointing for you. I feel for you.

EasterIsland · 26/12/2022 09:24

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 25/12/2022 21:56

I was, by all accounts, a wonderfully grateful child at 7. That's because I knew my presents came from my family. My kids are the same.

If I'd thought a magical being did it all, I would have been very disappointed that the magical being didn't always get things right, and I wouldn't have had any tolerance for weird substitutions. I'd have taken it very personally if Father Christmas hadn't got me exactly what I asked for, but he had got all my friends what they asked for.

For the love of all the fairy lights in the street, stop overdoing it with the Santa pretence. Santa only fills stockings, and wrapped gifts bought by you should have a label saying so.

Totally agree with this. I find the Santa Claus thing really weird. Presents come from people.

Puppers · 26/12/2022 09:45

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 25/12/2022 21:56

I was, by all accounts, a wonderfully grateful child at 7. That's because I knew my presents came from my family. My kids are the same.

If I'd thought a magical being did it all, I would have been very disappointed that the magical being didn't always get things right, and I wouldn't have had any tolerance for weird substitutions. I'd have taken it very personally if Father Christmas hadn't got me exactly what I asked for, but he had got all my friends what they asked for.

For the love of all the fairy lights in the street, stop overdoing it with the Santa pretence. Santa only fills stockings, and wrapped gifts bought by you should have a label saying so.

I agree with this too.

I don't think it guarantees that a young child will never have an "ungrateful" moment at Christmas, as they are still young/overwhelmed/overtired etc but yes it definitely makes perfect sense that if they don't think you bought the gifts then why on earth would they think it's rude to tell you - their parent who they (hopefully) trust and feel safe with - that actually Santa got it pretty wrong this year?

It hadn't really occurred to me because in our house Father Christmas just brings stockings which are filled with fun but low-cost items. My reason for doing this is that I know there will be children who receive much more than DC, and children who receive much less. Children talk to each other. It's horrible to think one one child wondering why Santa only got them one small gift while their friend got a PS5 and a pony. Telling children that their main gifts are from Santa is just fraught with problems.

AccountDetail · 26/12/2022 09:57

Did she really believe she was getting everything on her list? did you make it clear it was a list of ideas?
She probably thought she was getting a laptop and most disappointed by that thr most. If she genuinely thought she was getting eveyrhting, I would write it off as disappointment. However I think it is a bit mad to do everything from Santa. A stocking is best and she can write to you with ideas.
If she knew it was an ideas list, then yes ungrateful and rude.

Jifmicroliquid · 26/12/2022 12:56

I think the “kids are overwhelmed” excuse is just a way for parents to justify poor behaviour. 3 year olds can’t control their emotions when they get overwhelmed, but 7 year olds can.

Wanderingowl · 26/12/2022 12:57

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 25/12/2022 21:56

I was, by all accounts, a wonderfully grateful child at 7. That's because I knew my presents came from my family. My kids are the same.

If I'd thought a magical being did it all, I would have been very disappointed that the magical being didn't always get things right, and I wouldn't have had any tolerance for weird substitutions. I'd have taken it very personally if Father Christmas hadn't got me exactly what I asked for, but he had got all my friends what they asked for.

For the love of all the fairy lights in the street, stop overdoing it with the Santa pretence. Santa only fills stockings, and wrapped gifts bought by you should have a label saying so.

My 10 year old (only child, even only grandchild until very recently) gets everything from Santa and yet manages to be really grateful for just about everything in his life. The only times he's been disappointed in Santa was when he was 4 and he was upset that Santa brought nothing for me. And he wouldn't have been less disappointed if he'd known the gifts were really from me, as he was also disappointed at that age on his birthday when I didn't get gifts because I deserved them for giving birth to him. And then again on my birthday when family who gave him gifts for his birthday didn't give any to me for mine.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 26/12/2022 12:58

I suspect its a combination of being a bit too hyped up in advance (not necessarily by family, but school, friends, people out and about), being overwhelmed, opening things quickly so they are glossed over, plus a dose of just being 7.

We (I) admittedly indulge my DC, but she knows to appreciate things, and is always vocal with thank you's etc. She'd be picked up in it very quickly otherwise! We also make sure to keep her Xmas list/letter to santa to just one or two items, then she has those from santa and the rest from us. We are switching to less stuff though, so next year will be want, need, wear, share and read for her and her new sibling.

nancydroo · 26/12/2022 15:40

This has gone mainstream media in the mirror online. Slow day for news imo

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