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AIBU?

Is my 7 year old just being honest or is she ungrateful? Maybe it’s me maybe I’m really shit at choosing presents?

265 replies

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:23

My 7 year old DD had the following on her Santa list...

A cuddly koala that talks
Gym equipment so she can do gymnastics at home (obvs can’t have a rope hanging from the ceiling)
Lol stuff
Barbie aeroplane
A history book
Lego set
A see through umbrella
A computer
Photo frames
Surprises
Clay

And few other bits that I couldn’t make make out (sneaky look at letter before it went to Santa because she didn’t want me to see it)

This morning she opened from her list
Cuddly koala that talks
Barbie aeroplane
History book
Lego set
Surprises which were...
Playdoh set
Arts and crafts set (new pens, ribbons etc)
A lovely fluffy lockable box to put her special things in
Barbie doll for the aeroplane
Polly pocket set
Sink n sand game (she’d said she wanted this)
Puzzle
Couple of new clothes

She’s just told me she doesn’t like most of her presents and this year isn’t as good as last year.

Shes told me she isn’t that keen on the Barbie aeroplane now, Santa got the wrong history book (it’s an age appropriate lift the flaps Usbourne book), she never wanted polly pockets (already has some and asked for more about a month ago), doesn’t like the crafts set....

Aibu for thinking I’m shit at choosing presents or do I have an ungrateful child? I need perspective.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

759 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
SomethingOriginal2 · 25/12/2022 18:52

Miss03852 · 25/12/2022 18:51

You have a very accurate username.

🤣🤣

nutbrownhare15 · 25/12/2022 18:59

Does she think it's all from Santa so isn't worried about offending him? My personal opinion is that that is too long a list. She shouldn't be expecting all that stuff. My 7 year old got to ask for 2 things from Santa and two things from parents. Less scope for disappointment that way. We got her about 4 smaller things and she got things from relatives too. Does she get pocket money so she can save up for things herself. And I would suggest you practice gratitude as a family by regularly talking about what you are grateful for during family meals.

MilkyYay · 25/12/2022 19:06

She is ungrateful. But i would say

a) a lift the flap book for a 7 year old? Aren't those for little ones who can't read? My 7 year old niece has had a proper thick children's encyclopedia.

b) I'd be discouraging writing a huge long lists of wants to FC. Its not about demanding loads of stuff!! My kids only put one thing on their list each and they have their expectations that its a suggestion to FC, and he can't always give everyone exactly what they ask.

Busybody2022 · 25/12/2022 19:16

@MilkyYay Usbourne lift the flap books are absolutely ideal for 7 year olds. They aren't babyish.

anotherscroller · 25/12/2022 19:52

Endlesslaundry123 · 25/12/2022 12:24

Please please don't shame her for this. She trusts you enough to be honest with you. If you make her feel guilty for being honest, she'll stop telling you hard truths and that will be a very bad thing in her teenage years when she'll likely face lots of hard / shameful things. Thank her for her honesty and tell her "nobody's perfect, not even Santa. Sorry you're disappointed" (everyone has a right to feel disappointed).

This

Goldpaw · 25/12/2022 20:03

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 14:43

I need to catch up but just when I thought all was going well grandparents have arrived with sack-loads of great presents, MIL is a HUGE shopper and has spent lots on each child! DD has just announced that nanny and grandad have given her better presents than Santa this year. 🙄

Santa needs to buy less and mummy and daddy more. She probably wouldn't be so fullsome with her opinion of Santa's choices if he was there in the room.😉

Yousee · 25/12/2022 20:14

Thing that jumped out at me was that some of the surprises weren't so much surprises as substitutions and we all know how annoying they can be when doing the online shop.
A lockable box when she just wanted a couple of photo frames. Playdoh instead of clay. Polly Pocket instead of LOL.
That said, at 7 you should be able to expect a bit of social awareness but it's clearly shot to hell when kids think a magical being brought the presents rather than them costing Mum blood, sweat and tears to sort out.

holidayelbow · 25/12/2022 20:19

Maybe too late but you can get tbr at home balance beams from Amazon- they go right on the floor and fold away. My 6yr old got one from Santa.

Puppers · 25/12/2022 20:54

Shitfather · 25/12/2022 14:54

And I agree with @Mariposista - give her gifts to a children’s charity so she learns the value of things. I don’t buy the “she’s only 7” and “overwhelmed” comments.

Well that's OK. You don't need to "buy it" 🤷‍♀️ It's patently clear that you're no expert on child development and that you are extremely mean spirited so it's really neither here nor there.

The kind of adult who carries out a character assassination on a 7 year old, to her parent, on Christmas day is certainly in no position to be making moral judgements on anybody else.

Rainbowsparkles29 · 25/12/2022 21:33

I’d limit the requests to Santa to one gift in future. Having a whole wish list is a bit crass, and then getting it all and complaining IS being spoilt. Limit expectations!

The problem is though that tbf to the kid she didn't get most of what was on her list if you really look at it. The things that I would've assumed were most important she didn't get. I think if you really can't get it you need to prepare the child for this and basically let them know that they won't be getting it. This is why as I said earlier in the post that I only let my dd pick 3 things that she really really wants. If we hype kids up towards Christmas being all about gifts then we have to accept that it is going to be disappointing for them if we don't meet those expectations

Fleabigg · 25/12/2022 21:48

Yes she’s been ungrateful and I’d be upset by it too. I can see how it can happen though. I know I need to start redressing the balance in time for next year myself because my DD has got in her head that she could ask Father Christmas for a huge list of stuff and all she wanted from me was a scarf. Definitely need to reign it back to FC just bringing one gift or the stocking and the rest are from us.

Also, all I want for Christmas next year is for the only child = spoilt slur to die in a ditch. 🙄

lifeinthehills · 25/12/2022 21:54

I think 7 year olds do know better than to be ungrateful and that would be ungrateful. But here you have a 7 year old who believes in Santa. She thinks she can pass comments about her Christmas gifts without offense, because the gift giver isn't there.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 25/12/2022 21:56

I was, by all accounts, a wonderfully grateful child at 7. That's because I knew my presents came from my family. My kids are the same.

If I'd thought a magical being did it all, I would have been very disappointed that the magical being didn't always get things right, and I wouldn't have had any tolerance for weird substitutions. I'd have taken it very personally if Father Christmas hadn't got me exactly what I asked for, but he had got all my friends what they asked for.

For the love of all the fairy lights in the street, stop overdoing it with the Santa pretence. Santa only fills stockings, and wrapped gifts bought by you should have a label saying so.

Prettybutdumb · 25/12/2022 21:59

That’s why we completely stopped doing lists 2-3 years ago. They prefer surprises and there’s no hunting for stuff they might not like anymore by the time it’s Christmas morning. I gradually get things I know they’ll like or need, they get a surprise in every single box and squeal with delight.

bookworm14 · 25/12/2022 22:13

Also, all I want for Christmas next year is for the only child = spoilt slur to die in a ditch. 🙄

This. Sick of the lazy stereotyping.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 25/12/2022 22:35

Does she really remember all the presents she got last year? I don't.

ClareBlue · 25/12/2022 22:50

Wow. Vindictive cuel adults judging a 7 year old on adult behaviour. Suggesting taking presents off her and sending them away. Labelling and shaming a 7 year old and referring back to what they got at Christmas and how they knew the true value of gifts (yawn) What is actually fucking wrong with you. Now is not then.
She made an honest comment that the magical man that all adults lie to her about didn't meet her expectations this year, with the magical resources this fictional story has to make adults feel the magic of Christmas by telling lies to children. Maybe she should be complaining about adults ability to continually lie to her.
All those that say their 6 year old would never do this bla bla bla, if you rear you children and they never do anything worse than this then you are in a very very lucky minority.

Give her a break and have a conversation in a couple of days in a secure non judgemental way.
Those saying take all her presents away are sadistic. How much emotional damage do you think that has on a 7 year old, reminded every fucking Christmas for life as to how cruel her parents were when she responded to a situation caused by their make belief to her.

Fortunately OP has made reasoned responses about managing future expectations and this will work out fine.
But some of the responses on here go a long way to explain some of the threads on adult relationships with their parents.

2bazookas · 25/12/2022 23:02

You have a rude brat.

Round up all the presents she doesn't like and send them to a charity shop.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 25/12/2022 23:10

Ungrateful, rude and spoilt.

Shitfather · 26/12/2022 01:30

OooScotland · 25/12/2022 16:04

@Rowthe I’ll be honest, I was crying writing it and I’m not at all a sentimental person!

Thank you sharing that experience. It was very moving to read.

pucelleauxblanchesmains · 26/12/2022 02:23

Meanwhile there are multiple threads on here today of (presumably) adults complaining about their crap and disappointing Christmas presents. Now hopefully they aren't complaining about them to the gift giver but a) this child is 7 and b) if she doesn't know Father Christmas isn't real she doesn't realise who she's complaining to.
I think a lot of the arguments on here around gratefulness miss that to an extent, especially if you're a child, it can basically feel like a performance or lying; indeed, a PP said proudly that her kids had learned to lie about liking their presents. And if you're constantly being taught that lying is bad and you should always tell the truth then discovering that adults actually expect you to lie sometimes can be very confusing and you can get it badly wrong.

Rainbowsparkles29 · 26/12/2022 06:43

It's hilarious the amount of hypocritical people on here that think a 7 year old should have the self control to politely (it sounds) express disappointment at her presents and yet they lack the social and language skills themselves as grown adults to add anything further to the conversation than calling the poor child a 'brat' or 'spoilt'... Maybe take a long look in the mirror before verbally abusing a young child that you don't even know!

RedHelenB · 26/12/2022 06:47

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:31

I didn’t ask her, she just said completely randomly “This year isn’t as good as last year I don’t like most of my presents, I didn’t get what I wanted”. I pointed out what she got from her list and that she’d asked for surprises too. We always say a Santa list is a wish list.

Shes ripped open everything, played with everything for a matter of minutes and now has a long face because last year was better.

What did she get last year?

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 26/12/2022 08:33

I can't see the issue.
She thinks fc got this and not you so she is safe to complain!

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 26/12/2022 08:34

I think her response was pretty age appropriate actually. They don't have the cognitive abilities to convincingly hide their disappointment and I think I'd prefer my kids to be honest with me than pretend to spare their parents' feelings. She's 7 and still believes Santa is magic and will bring her what she wants if she's been good. She probably feels all mixed up right now.

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