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AIBU?

Is my 7 year old just being honest or is she ungrateful? Maybe it’s me maybe I’m really shit at choosing presents?

265 replies

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:23

My 7 year old DD had the following on her Santa list...

A cuddly koala that talks
Gym equipment so she can do gymnastics at home (obvs can’t have a rope hanging from the ceiling)
Lol stuff
Barbie aeroplane
A history book
Lego set
A see through umbrella
A computer
Photo frames
Surprises
Clay

And few other bits that I couldn’t make make out (sneaky look at letter before it went to Santa because she didn’t want me to see it)

This morning she opened from her list
Cuddly koala that talks
Barbie aeroplane
History book
Lego set
Surprises which were...
Playdoh set
Arts and crafts set (new pens, ribbons etc)
A lovely fluffy lockable box to put her special things in
Barbie doll for the aeroplane
Polly pocket set
Sink n sand game (she’d said she wanted this)
Puzzle
Couple of new clothes

She’s just told me she doesn’t like most of her presents and this year isn’t as good as last year.

Shes told me she isn’t that keen on the Barbie aeroplane now, Santa got the wrong history book (it’s an age appropriate lift the flaps Usbourne book), she never wanted polly pockets (already has some and asked for more about a month ago), doesn’t like the crafts set....

Aibu for thinking I’m shit at choosing presents or do I have an ungrateful child? I need perspective.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

759 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:39

My 6 year old DD asked for a jewellery box with a ballerina that plays music and a see through umbrella....she got both and other surprises and has said this is the best Christmas ever.

How difference children can be.

OP posts:
Daffodilis · 25/12/2022 11:39

Ihatethenewlook · 25/12/2022 11:37

Extremely rude. My 5 year old has better manners. He looked crestfallen halfway through opening his presents this morning. I asked him what was wrong but he plastered a fake smile on his face and said ‘nothing mummy’. I was confused thinking I’d missed something out he’d really wanted, but he hadn’t even finished opening everything yet. His sister told me later that he’d opened the little bluey watch I’d bought him and it was too big, but didn’t want to tell me and make me sad. Took me less than a minute to sort out with a new hole and I gave him a cuddle and said tell me next time so I can help you! I’d be taking the presents back if my children came out with such a bratty comment like yours did.

Great behaviour for an adult calling a child names, is your child scared of you btw?

ClareBlue · 25/12/2022 11:40

I think we have all been here at some stage with our children and it can be hurtful but doesn't usually manifest itself as them being inherently selfish or ungrateful as they get a bit older.
We found staggering presents helped with appreciation. One on Christmas eve, staggered through Christmas day and one left for 26th. Our children are all adults and we still do it. I'm pretty sure our grandchildren will be subjected to this too.

Flossiemoss · 25/12/2022 11:40

She had a computer on that list.. quite reasonable for you not to have got it. I’ve done similar over the years for expensive stuff , but you do have to manage expectations. So for example Santa does not bring big ticket electrics - that is mum and dad( insert shite about Lapland not set up for tech) and explain how costly it is . I’ve had a few awkward conversations about santas limits over the years, in a child’s mind Santa brings everything so why shouldn’t they get it.

I would also point out that Santa ( you) has a cut off for wishes and the 1 st December is the final wish list deadline.

it’s not ideal however a lot of parenting is dealing with not ideal situations and correcting them. So yes over tired and overwhelmed with big expectation in her head. Nows your opportunity to talk about that.

bellac11 · 25/12/2022 11:40

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/12/2022 11:38

Granted when I was a,kid the dinosaurs were still waltzing around but if I'd have said that to my mum at 7. The toys would have been gone.

Absolutely this. I was grateful for everything I got at xmas, but we didnt have much so I had things like sweets, books etc.

I wouldnt have dreamed of indicating that it wasnt enough or the right stuff

Notbeinfunnehbut · 25/12/2022 11:40

It’s important to remember gratitude and manners are a learned skill, some need more teaching then others , good luck op x

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/12/2022 11:41

Rude and ungrateful. Sorry op. I’d be horrified if I heard that from a 7 year old.

jannier · 25/12/2022 11:42

I think a small morning gift and little stuff from Santa then presents spread through the day is less overwhelming they get the chance to play and appreciate each gift.
She should be grateful Santa got one of the things she asked for

Crunchymum · 25/12/2022 11:43

I have an almost 8yo and I'd not be impressed at all. In fact I'd not be impressed if my 4yo was so ungrateful.

I wouldn't make it a big deal today but its something that needs to be addressed.

Helpmesortit · 25/12/2022 11:43

Gratitude is a very hard emotion to understand or obtain. I would just gently reinforce some gratitude onto her @MarrymeKeanu . Modelling gratitude daily can help too…

Theunamedcat · 25/12/2022 11:43

Remove some toys for now sounds like they are overwhelmed DONT do it like a punishment just tidy them away leave a couple out my dd used to get like this and I would take them put them upstairs or in the kitchen she would then play with what she had or go looking for the toy she said she didn't want 😉

WandaWonder · 25/12/2022 11:44

At 7 I presume she has an idea in her head of how she thinks it will go, you may never ever be able to match what is in her head

Some parents get the list of their kids much earlier than December, get all that and the child has probably forgotten most of it and moved on to the new thing

It's easy for us adults to slap a label on what she did 'ungrateful' or 'rude' or whatever

But kids are not echo chamber robots, the way,we think may not match their thinking

Craftycorvid · 25/12/2022 11:45

Please - whoever came out with that tired old saw about only children being spoiled -desist.

Your daughter sounds a bit overwhelmed, OP. We build Christmas up to be something unutterably amazing (as a society, I mean) and adults feel that pressure too. A child of 7 is going to be grappling with the sense of weird let down that can so often follow getting what you asked for. She may well need time to process her presents mentally - I seem to recall feeling quite stressed about getting presents as a child. Also, as a child, there is often adult scrutiny and anxiety going on as well as trying to grapple with our own feelings. It’s best to not make a fuss right now, and just let her sit with her feelings, maybe talk to her about how it can feel strange when you are not surprised by something, and that can feel disappointing, too. Once she has adjusted, she may well come round to enjoying her gifts.

LateAF · 25/12/2022 11:45

She doesn’t know they are from you so she thinks she can be honest with you about the presents. Next time only have one small/ main gift from Santa and the rest from you, family and friends. That way she knows that presents are subject to money limits and will be as polite as she is raised to be on her birthday.

It is disappointing for you but in her mind she’s just giving honest feedback to you, not the present giver (Santa). I imagine she wouldn’t say this directly to had she known they were from you.

nancydroo · 25/12/2022 11:46

She doesn't think she's offending you. You got what she asked Santa for what else can you do? It is a lot of pressure for kids and parents

CrapBucket · 25/12/2022 11:46

She's just a typical overwhelmed kid at Christmas. Seeing her sibling have The Best Christmas Everrrr and subconsciously thinking hmm, I am the grand old age of 7, life peaks at 6, waahhh.

This is the time to give her some 'coping with disappointment skills' rather than tell her she is ungrateful.

Yes last year was great, I think this year is great too because you have all of the things from last year PLUS now you have this new stuff. And if there are things you don't like so much, we can think about what to do about that after Christmas, maybe you could swap things with friends or give them to a child that has nothing or we could play with them together and make a craft thing for Grandma visiting etc etc.

Lovemusic33 · 25/12/2022 11:46

Could it be because she asked for a computer and was looking forward to that the most?

I think maybe it’s best to just ask santa for one thing they really want and maybe a couple smaller items. Maybe she was expecting a computer and the other items were not as important to her?


Shes 7, I wouldn’t say she was ungrateful as such, she’s just expressing her disappointment and hasn’t quite learnt to keep her feelings to herself. She doesn’t know you got the presents, she thinks Santa has got it wrong, he’s just some random guy with a beard who she has no emotional connection with. I’m sure if she knew you had bought the gifts she wouldn’t be sounding as ungrateful.

Cuddlywuddlies · 25/12/2022 11:47

Im Finding it quite entertaining those of you suggesting how awful it is that the child is ungrateful…gratefulness is something most adults still don’t have! We see it on Mumsnet EVERY SINGLE DAY FFS!! It’s a hard emotion to grasp @MarrymeKeanu just gave a quiet chat with her to help remind her of what she does have.
e.g.
wow, aren’t you lucky you got…
isn’t that a great gift…you must feel special etc etc

Circlesandtriangles · 25/12/2022 11:47

There's a lot going on Christmas morning. Excitement and the rush to see what was brought, then a crash when they realise that's it for a year. Plus siblings are often jealous of each others things. It's the overwhelm and rollercoaster! If my eldest says things like this I would acknowledge what she's said, it's fine for her to have an opinion and of course she doesn't know it's you so she's not trying to be offensive, and then try to focus her on enjoying what she has and thinking about a thank you note for Santa.

RambamThankyouMam · 25/12/2022 11:47

Spoilt brat. Teach her some manners.

LateAF · 25/12/2022 11:48

Theunamedcat · 25/12/2022 11:43

Remove some toys for now sounds like they are overwhelmed DONT do it like a punishment just tidy them away leave a couple out my dd used to get like this and I would take them put them upstairs or in the kitchen she would then play with what she had or go looking for the toy she said she didn't want 😉

I think this is great advice. My kids got a stocking from Santa with little gifts and crafts and only got 2 presents each from us (money is tight this year) and they are playing much better than last year when they got loads, and are surprisingly more appreciative. Your daughter has so many presents sounds like overwhelm.

CaptainBarbosa · 25/12/2022 11:48

Children can be brutally honest at times.

I'd ignore for today, and just carry on with the day.

If it's "out of character for her" it's probably amix of exhaustion and "being a bit fed up" .

If it's a trait you start to see more and more as the months go on, you can nip it in the bud with discussions about "being thankful"

But for her the gift giver is "Santa" so she has no idea she's insulting the person who actually aquired the gifts if you see what I mean.

RambamThankyouMam · 25/12/2022 11:48

Angeldelight81 · 25/12/2022 11:32

Just ignore it should be playing with it happily in an hour. Mine just had a meltdown about his Apple Watch. A fucking Apple Watch and it’s the wrong one. I’ve just had to grit my teeth and smile

Why would you grit your teeth and smile instead of actually parenting them into better behaviour?

RudsyFarmer · 25/12/2022 11:49

You have the opportunity now to quash this or you pander to t and still be dealing with it 10 years from now.

I build gratitude into the kids daily. Gratitude for small things and large things. I also refuse to tolerate being talked to like crap which the older one trialled with me a week ago.

My advice is to say ‘that’s a shame’. Would you like me to add the toys you would have preferred to your birthday list? Then you sit with her (if she’ll allow it) and do crafts/baking etc. most of the time what the children really want is attention and time with their parents. That’s all I ever wanted anyhow.

Helpmesortit · 25/12/2022 11:49

RambamThankyouMam · 25/12/2022 11:47

Spoilt brat. Teach her some manners.

In the same way you were taught??…think not.

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