My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Is my 7 year old just being honest or is she ungrateful? Maybe it’s me maybe I’m really shit at choosing presents?

265 replies

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:23

My 7 year old DD had the following on her Santa list...

A cuddly koala that talks
Gym equipment so she can do gymnastics at home (obvs can’t have a rope hanging from the ceiling)
Lol stuff
Barbie aeroplane
A history book
Lego set
A see through umbrella
A computer
Photo frames
Surprises
Clay

And few other bits that I couldn’t make make out (sneaky look at letter before it went to Santa because she didn’t want me to see it)

This morning she opened from her list
Cuddly koala that talks
Barbie aeroplane
History book
Lego set
Surprises which were...
Playdoh set
Arts and crafts set (new pens, ribbons etc)
A lovely fluffy lockable box to put her special things in
Barbie doll for the aeroplane
Polly pocket set
Sink n sand game (she’d said she wanted this)
Puzzle
Couple of new clothes

She’s just told me she doesn’t like most of her presents and this year isn’t as good as last year.

Shes told me she isn’t that keen on the Barbie aeroplane now, Santa got the wrong history book (it’s an age appropriate lift the flaps Usbourne book), she never wanted polly pockets (already has some and asked for more about a month ago), doesn’t like the crafts set....

Aibu for thinking I’m shit at choosing presents or do I have an ungrateful child? I need perspective.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

759 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
wackamole · 25/12/2022 12:44

Shes ripped open everything, played with everything for a matter of minutes and now has a long face because last year was better.

This is actually a pretty good life lesson. Christmas is likely to be a little less fun and a little more work each year as she grows older. And while her (or your/your family's) personal circumstances may protect her from extremes, the almost inevitable continued escalation of prices coupled with the shrinking of wages will mean that most children DO get "less" each year, at least in terms of value.

You could go the route of mentioning her rudeness and reminding her that Father Christmas (or whoever she thinks beings the gifts) did their best for her, isn't infallible, and also has feeelings.

Or just briskly say "OK, we can donate them if you don't want them" and carry on with the rest of your Christmas plans.

Don't let it ruin your day, though, or anyone else's. She's safe and cared for and catered to overall; in the grand scheme of things she's no worse off than she was yesterday even if Christmas has failed to meet her standards. Have a happy one anyway!

Floralnomad · 25/12/2022 12:47

The problem is definitely letting them write ridiculous lists for FC ( unless you can afford to honour them ) , next year just tell her the FC list needs to be 2 gifts only and nothing that needs a plug or is alive , which should keep it more manageable . We never did FC as a real thing just a story book character so my children always knew who the presents were from and even though on the face of it they could have been spoilt as we buy throughout the year as well as Christmas they have both always been very grateful for anything they get and now as adults prefer the giving to the getting .

Testina · 25/12/2022 12:47

@Ihatethenewlook “My 5 year old has better manners. He looked crestfallen halfway through opening his presents this morning. I asked him what was wrong but he plastered a fake smile on his face and said ‘nothing mummy‘ “

You’re criticising, but what a shame he didn’t feel able to say, “I love it mummy! But the strap is too big for me.” I’d be gutted if my child had learned “fake smile” for their own parents by 5 years old.

Thedaysthatremain · 25/12/2022 12:49

Ilkleymoor · 25/12/2022 11:37

She doesn't know they are from you so she's saying what she thinks - I also think this easier to articulate I don't like presents than christmas is odd and I wanted magic perfection but I don't even know what that is.

Plus there is so much pressure at Christmas. My much you get child asked for one thing, got it and was a bit bemused at having more rather than delighted. There are a lot of mixed messages at Christmas. If the sulks last, have a chat, otherwise give her time to get her head around it. She'll probably end up loving one of the surprises or using it loads in a month.

I agree with all of this

PermanentTemporary · 25/12/2022 12:50

It all sounds too much if I'm honest. Too much pressure to feel different things - to want multiple things on cue, to believe that Father Christmas will bring what you feel you want at that time, to feel levels of gratitude that fit other people's expectations, to express them the right way....

I'd try to shift the focus. Tbh why not talk far more in the run up about what she's going to give other people? I'm sure you do that anyway but id encourage perhaps a passing thought about what she'd like, but not much emphasis on it, a small stocking of surprises and one present from you which is from her choices.

I know according to MN this makes me a joyless twat but the current approach seems to be making both of you miserable so why not change.

mondaytosunday · 25/12/2022 12:53

Kids at that age don't have much of a filter. They can probably fake smile and say thank you to a present from someone outside her family but you are her mum so feels she can be herself.
Plus yep they change their minds on a dime. That's why it was only the one or two presents that they repeatedly talked about that were bought. The rest was stuff I observed they were interested in and I had some disasters; collected for ages various Sylvania animals and the river boat off eBay as I was sure my daughter would love it- she was meh about them and rarely played with any of it!

PropertyGeek525 · 25/12/2022 12:54

It’s normal for at least 1 child to complain. My tween child (middle child) complained about theirs. I didn’t take it personally, I just reminded them that it was what they asked for and then a little later ask them all for feedback. Just a ‘ so are you happy with your gifts? Did I miss anything?’

They all said they were happy. I think the middle child just needed to be heard, no drama. They realised on their own that actually they had a pretty good haul.

Loachworks · 25/12/2022 12:55

DS aged around seven was still an only child so I will admit he was fairly spoiled. Sony handycams were in their infancy (and cost around £600.) He liked making little videos so we thought this was the perfect gift.
His birthday is early January. DS came up to me and said, "It doesn't matter about my presents mum, it's my Birthday next week." He spent the day playing with a £1.99 sticker book.

Mustthinkofausername · 25/12/2022 12:57

Perhaps she’d like to pick 1-2 items to keep and the rest can be given to kids who got nothing at all. A little perspective might be the best gift for her this year!

Ihatethenewlook · 25/12/2022 13:00

Daffodilis · 25/12/2022 11:39

Great behaviour for an adult calling a child names, is your child scared of you btw?

Not at all. He’s just capable of being thoughtful about other peoples feelings 🤷🏼‍♀️ wouldn’t even cross his mind to tell me how rubbish his Xmas presents are and they were better last year

johnd2 · 25/12/2022 13:00

Ungrateful is just a way of saying that your feelings are more valid then hers. It's not the case.
Her feelings are her feelings, your feelings are your feelings, and you are both allowed to share your feelings but you are not allowed to make the other responsible for your feelings.
Christmas can been a time for high expectations all round and it can easily disappoint.
Be very aware of what lessons you are teaching about how to share feelings and which ones are valid within your daughter's closes relationships. Because this is the model she will bring when she is in adult relationships

The summary is let her be disappointed and let yourself be disappointed. Then don't put so much effort in next time

Happy Christmas!

Pixie2015 · 25/12/2022 13:01

She is young and trusts you so is sharing her true feelings - think of fun ways to play with the toys and make this Christmas the best - hope rest of day is great 😊

KatherineJaneway · 25/12/2022 13:01

She is rude and ungrateful. If this is not what she wanted, then she needs to be clearer next time and grateful

Funkyblues101 · 25/12/2022 13:02

That is a HUGE number of presents. Maybe she has so much that she doesn't appreciate any of it anymore?

Fundays12 · 25/12/2022 13:03

MelchiorsMistress · 25/12/2022 11:29

It’s a symptom of the way we set children up to believe that Santa is magical and will bring them what they ask for.

You did a wonderful job in fulfilling your child’s list and of course she should be grateful for the lovely things she received, but from her perspective she’s probably wondering why Santa would give her things she didn’t want when he didn’t give her things she asked for.

I agree with this. I noticed a difference in my oldest attitude when he realised it was mum and dad who bought it all. He was only 7 when he realised but is autistic so didn't like the whole Santa stuff anyway. I now tell my younger kids mummy and daddy send money to Santa for there gifts and he never brings technology such as iPads and mummy's and daddies send these too Santa to get wrapped and delivered.

BeardyButton · 25/12/2022 13:03

Ihatethenewlook · 25/12/2022 11:37

Extremely rude. My 5 year old has better manners. He looked crestfallen halfway through opening his presents this morning. I asked him what was wrong but he plastered a fake smile on his face and said ‘nothing mummy’. I was confused thinking I’d missed something out he’d really wanted, but he hadn’t even finished opening everything yet. His sister told me later that he’d opened the little bluey watch I’d bought him and it was too big, but didn’t want to tell me and make me sad. Took me less than a minute to sort out with a new hole and I gave him a cuddle and said tell me next time so I can help you! I’d be taking the presents back if my children came out with such a bratty comment like yours did.

This is why you shouldn’t ask mn whether your kid is x or y (anything negative). You ll get loads of comments like this - agreeing that your kid is ungrateful and examples of their own kids who are little magical darlings. You see… it’s down to parenting. This mom obviously is doing a great job, whereas you…

and no, your kid is fine. She’s still a baby and learning about social mores. She doesn’t know you gave her the presents and is just voicing her opinion. She needs a little guidance - “glad you are being honest, but Santa went to a lot of trouble… are you sure these aren’t what you wanted, you told me last month….”.

Ihatethenewlook · 25/12/2022 13:07

Testina · 25/12/2022 12:47

@Ihatethenewlook “My 5 year old has better manners. He looked crestfallen halfway through opening his presents this morning. I asked him what was wrong but he plastered a fake smile on his face and said ‘nothing mummy‘ “

You’re criticising, but what a shame he didn’t feel able to say, “I love it mummy! But the strap is too big for me.” I’d be gutted if my child had learned “fake smile” for their own parents by 5 years old.

As kind as he is, at only 5 he’s not really able to articulate his feelings in such a diplomatic kind of way. Your way is quite an adult way of explaining things, don’t you think? All he was thinking was a present he was really looking forward to is no good, and he don’t realise it was easily fixed. It was a much bigger deal to him in his mind that He put on a smile, soldiered on and later told us after the family had finished opening their presents that his watch didn’t fit. I’m not gutted at all that he came to the conclusion that he thought it was nicer to tell us after, rather than sound like he was complaining in the middle of the present opening and the best part of the day (for the children)!

RedRobyn2021 · 25/12/2022 13:07

She is very young and Christmas is overwhelming especially for young children. Please don't be hard on yourself or on her.

KnobbyKnobson · 25/12/2022 13:07

Why didn't you get the gym stuff? I hope you aren't always so discouraging of physical exercise, especially with childhood obesity rates as high as they are.

LolaMoon · 25/12/2022 13:08

She had 12 presents. Yes, she's acting like a brat and I say that as an only child myself!
The problem is, when you get kids loads of presents they just rip through them with the "next" attitude. I'd get her less next year. Not as a punishment but as a way of teaching her that more presents doesnt really = happiness.

Togoodtobeforgotten · 25/12/2022 13:09

Don't let it ruin your day there's people out there today on beans on toast sitting in the cold with no presents.

Sotiredmjmmy · 25/12/2022 13:10

With dc same age and similar lists I think even though she had been told no to gymnastics things that’s possibly really what she wanted and hoped for anyway, there is quite a lot of home gymnastics equipment and leotard etc, we know lot of kids with gymnastics bars and beams, airtrax etc at home, need space for it but mine comment why they haven’t had them as presents too

ichundich · 25/12/2022 13:10

7 year olds have no filter. My son at that age once reduced me to tears because his filled advent calendar was "full of rubbish". He is lovely now.

Ihatethenewlook · 25/12/2022 13:12

BeardyButton · 25/12/2022 13:03

This is why you shouldn’t ask mn whether your kid is x or y (anything negative). You ll get loads of comments like this - agreeing that your kid is ungrateful and examples of their own kids who are little magical darlings. You see… it’s down to parenting. This mom obviously is doing a great job, whereas you…

and no, your kid is fine. She’s still a baby and learning about social mores. She doesn’t know you gave her the presents and is just voicing her opinion. She needs a little guidance - “glad you are being honest, but Santa went to a lot of trouble… are you sure these aren’t what you wanted, you told me last month….”.

I love posts like this :) any example of a child not acting like an utter bellend is of course a parent showing off. What if it was a relative that gave the op’s daughter a present and she’d told them it was rubbish and she’d preferred last years? 7 is old enough to know better than to come out with comments like that, no matter who she’d received the presents from.

Kindofcrunchy · 25/12/2022 13:12

Mookie81 · 25/12/2022 12:03

I'm fed up of people excusing poor behaviour due to being 'overwhelmed' or 'tired'.
It's rude, plain and simple. 7 years old is old enough to know this isn't appropriate.

You are clearly the expert on child development 😂

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.