Is my 7 year old just being honest or is she ungrateful? Maybe it’s me maybe I’m really shit at choosing presents?

[MarrymeKeanu]

My 7 year old DD had the following on her Santa list...

A cuddly koala that talks
Gym equipment so she can do gymnastics at home (obvs can’t have a rope hanging from the ceiling)
Lol stuff
Barbie aeroplane
A history book
Lego set
A see through umbrella
A computer
Photo frames
Surprises
Clay

And few other bits that I couldn’t make make out (sneaky look at letter before it went to Santa because she didn’t want me to see it)

This morning she opened from her list
Cuddly koala that talks
Barbie aeroplane
History book
Lego set
Surprises which were...
Playdoh set
Arts and crafts set (new pens, ribbons etc)
A lovely fluffy lockable box to put her special things in
Barbie doll for the aeroplane
Polly pocket set
Sink n sand game (she’d said she wanted this)
Puzzle
Couple of new clothes

She’s just told me she doesn’t like most of her presents and this year isn’t as good as last year.

Shes told me she isn’t that keen on the Barbie aeroplane now, Santa got the wrong history book (it’s an age appropriate lift the flaps Usbourne book), she never wanted polly pockets (already has some and asked for more about a month ago), doesn’t like the crafts set....

Aibu for thinking I’m shit at choosing presents or do I have an ungrateful child? I need perspective.

Exactly. ANd I’d never have received the huge pile that is listed in tne OP. Too many presents devalues the joys of giving and receiving.

I’m inclined to say she’s being very ungrateful, but then I’d be judging her by adult standards of behaviour. As a child, it’s not really her fault she doesn’t realise how lucky she is. I think a quiet sit down and a chat between you both will help her understand. I would explain that some children couldn’t get any presents or Christmas dinner this year, and that she’s lucky she gets presents every year (id expand on this and approach it gently and carefully).

Will add Santa did the sticking here and everything else was from family.

I guess if they think it comes from Santa they have no idea they are slagging off what's been brought for them by the person they are slagging off Santa to

My god, some of these replies 🙄 she's 7 for gods sake.

This.

@Miss03852

7 year olds can be ungrateful you know. My 7 year old would know that was rude, tired or not.

Op you keep saying obviously we could t have got her the indoor gym but am I sure why? They aren't hard to instal. You didn't buy that or her other main present request if a computer which is fine but it's not good to let your child make lists if you ignore the two main presents. Better not to do lists of you have a strict budget.

You know your dd best but hopefully she would have been more tactful if she knew that you bought the gifts. If Santa had been there she may have thanked him .

Do you give your dd gifts or are they all drom
Santa ?

I've actually got tears in my eyes reading this

@Rowthe I’ll be honest, I was crying writing it and I’m not at all a sentimental person!

Its probably not what anyone on here wants to hear.

But I think piles of presents for kids all at once is too much. Its overwhelming.

Better to maybe 1 or 2 presents yourself and then anything family may want to buy. Or if you havent got much family then maybe 5-6 presents max.

The only time my kid had loads of gifts to open was on her birthday when we invited most of the class. She had loads of gifts. After about 6- 7 she said she was tired and did she have to open them all? And let her sister open some as well.

Even playing with them she couldn't. So we let her keep 2-3 and then slowly over the next few weeks gave her another from where we had stashed them. It lasted her months opening those presents.

Just giving a piles of presents is asking for trouble. Cos every year you feel you have to do more.

I'd probably try to rein in expectations for next year.

Maybe she gets to choose 1-2 presents, something she really wants and then a couple of smaller things from you. And then anything family buys her.

She might not like it the first year, but overall she would be much more grateful in future

I was waiting for the only child slur.

How much of an effort is made to teach her gratitude? It has to be intentional otherwise you'll just be treating this as an extrinsic value. If she's not been regularly exposed to ways of expressing gratitude or aware of children who have less then I don't think it's fair to blame her for her response. Whichever way, you're doing a great job and even more so that you're concerned for her.

I'd say lovingly work on making gratitude a habit OP. You might find she'll be best able to see how her response was unsuitable. If you can watch some movies or series or better still read books with her where characters like this are brought to life, it's then easier to talk about why that response is inappropriate.

Mine can be a little like this. She is autistic, quite overwhelmed by Christmas and can just find it all a bit tricky.

At 7 they are still learning, it needs to be a learning opportunity.

Surely she (you) can return them in exchange for things she actually wants? It might be a good arithmetic lesson for her to calculate what she can get in exchange.
Or, gift them to a Children's home?

She's incredibly ungrateful, and probably spoilt

What a moving post. Thank you for sharing this. Teaching/learning not to sweat the small stuff is so tough.

Have a lovely Christmas.

I don't think she's ungrateful. She doesn't understand that you lovingly choose and pay for the gifts she thinks the all magical Santa does.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion Thank You x

@TwoProngedFork Thank you - I’m glad it came across as it was meant, and a Happpy Christmas to you too x

YOu are not shit at choosing present, nor is she an ungrateful child.
You need to look into why she said those things. Sounds like something is bothering her about her life and she is just acting it out or perhaps mirroring your feelings. Thats what small children do.

@bellac11 "This is what comes of teaching children a blanket 'be honest about your feelings' because they don't understand that actually its quite rude to just blurt out things like that."

^THIS!^

Firstly yes we want children and teenagers to express their feelings and at the same time I think we may need to rein it in a bit because expressing ALL feelings without a filter can get us all in a pickle!

@MarrymeKeanu

You could just tell her that if she isn't happy with them that you can take them back (or if she is still into Santa, that he can come collect them). Of course if she says "okay" then you have to follow through, no empty threats. But give her the chance to say "actually I do like them a bit". You want to make it aversive so she doesn't say this stuff again.

Alternatively you could ask how it may feel if she gave someone a thoughtful gift and they said they didn't like it. In that you teach children to mentalise (make sense of what they do and how others may interpret and respond internally).

Just a note: never let someone else make you feel like a failure. Especially your children. If you are doing your best then don't stoop to martyr syndrome, "oh woe is me, I am a failure". It isn't helpful.

My sister went well into her teenage years before she stopped saying "that's crap, why did you get me that?" So guess what? I stopped buying presents for her. We have a very good relationship nowadays and she is actually much more thoughtful when buying mine and taking hers from me too.

My partner is all about the presents. I am really not. I didn't get huge amounts of stuff as a child and I don't see the need for it for my child. You can get a few nice things without going overboard. That said, she has a very different background and I "get" it.

I love the gratitude comment by @TwoProngedFork . This needs to be built into everyday life. I often make my child stop, pause, notice what is lovely around her and to appreciate things she gets (be it food, presents, clothes etc). If it's a few times a year exercise it won't stick.

And we wonder why so many kids grow into emotionally damaged adults who go no contact with parents. There are so many threads on here about horrific childhoods. Giving a kids presents away like this would not teach gratitude. It would teach fear. It would teach distrust. It would teach that adults do hideous things and they get away with it because they are adults.

You have a very accurate username.

I think it depends on how she's saying it, is she stomping her feet and complaining. Or is she telling you about the feelings that she's struggling to process because you're her safe space and she needs your help to process it.

It's OK to feel disappointed . Both for you and her. Christmas expectations are always high. Next year try yo manage both or your expectations in the run up.