No presents from my DP

[Sarahtnz]

First time poster so please be gentle.
My DP has just told me that he hasn’t got me anything for Christmas and that he’s just giving me money. Whilst I’m grateful for the money so that I can buy things I want, I am also really hurt that he hasn’t got me anything at all. Even a bar of chocolate would have been nice!

We have been together for 8 years and have two young children together. I have done all of the present buying for them and also bought him several nice presents.
He claims that he didn’t have the time, couldn’t find anything and that I’m too fussy.

I’m feeling really hurt but he thinks I’m being unreasonable and should just be grateful for the money!

AIBU or would you be hurt too?

I would be very upset about this due to the total lack of effort.

I’m sorry, it must be very disappointing he didn’t make the effort. I hope you have a good day tomorrow anyway.

Is he always like this? What about your birthday?

Then return the favour. Give him cash and keep the gifts you've got him.

My ex did this some times too. I think the total lack of effort is quite hurtful. He could easily have had a conversation with you about things you might like it wouldn't have been hard.
Hes getting defensive because he knows he's doing the absolutely bare minimum here.

Its the thought that counts - and he hasn’t thought. I’d be hurt too.

LTB

That's upsetting. How hard is it to buy a few presents for the person you chose to spend your life with? I wouldn't be happy with that, and I wouldn't be giving him his presents.

Why does he think you should be happy with money. You're long term partners with children together... that's family money. Presents are supposed to be about the thought.

A bit late and a bit lazy. Dh and I don't do presents - but you either do or you don't - cash is not equivilent.

He doesn't really care about you does he? I wouldn't be giving him his presents this year.

I'm the same. You just get used to it.

I would dump him and avoid any future disappointment

It’s such weird behaviour when people do this. I can’t understand it.

So keep his presents to take them back and just give him some cash

If he means you should be grateful that he put aside/saved up money to make sure you would be able to pick out something you'd love, in the same way that he is grateful that you spent time and money to pick out and buy specific personalised gifts for him, then fair enough I suppose. His adding all the stuff about haow you're picky and so on seems a bit mean-spirited though; it sounds like he's defensive about his choice and knows it's probably not the greatest in the context of your relationship/what you personally like or prefer and would make you happy/how the two of you normally handle gift-giving.

If he means anything else, like that his gift is superior because he spent more, then it's a little creepy.

can you return his presents and then tell him you have put as much effort in as he did?

Why would he give you cash when you’ve got children together, that’s so odd! Even if he was just a boyfriend and you had no children it would be bloody weird. It’s not like Christmas is a surprise, he literally has a whole year to get you something. I know some people don’t bother with presents, but for those that do, I think cash is an absolute slap in the face - I’d prefer him to say he just couldn’t be arsed as that’s what’s happened. I don’t think I could find someone who behaved like this in any way attractive. I feel really bad for you. Maybe have a think of how you want next Christmas to be like? I’d say getting Ros of him would be a big improvement.

So has he bought presents for anyone? His parents? Siblings?

I too would be upset at the total lack of effort on his part. I bet he knows it was a shit effort and is defensive, hence the comment about you being picky.

Use the cash to go to a fancy spa weekend and leave him on full house and children duty

I'd be hurt. We'd discussed halving a holiday in the new year rather than presents, but it's clear that we've both put a couple of bits under the tree none the less. Well I did, and then I came downstairs to find him shouting at the sellotape....and badly wrapped things are there

Total lack of effort.

Don't give him the gifts you bought.

When he gives you the cash, give him a quarter back as his 'gift'

Could he be pretending? And he really has got something?

You're not still going to give him his, are you?

What is it with all these lazy people? The stories I've been reading on MN over the last few days about adults who expect young children to wait for them to get their lazy arses out of bed, before opening their gifts from Santa, and the men who are too lazy to piss downhill, let alone put in the effort to think about and buy their life partner something nice for Christmas, are driving me nuts! Why do women put up with this, and why do other people think that they can tell you what to do with your own children, in your own house over Christmas, I think the world has gone mad!! Going off to spend time with my wonderful husband, while wondering what those interesting looking parcels are with my name on, under the tree.

Wishing you ALL a Merry Christmas

Guys it’s Christmas Eve. Please stop with the ‘leave him’ ‘take his gifts back! OP of course you can feel sad and maybe you can share with him so it doesn’t happen again - and maybe there was no bad intention here at all, some people genuinely like being given money or gift vouchers and perhaps he thought this was okay then, and you’d like it. Tell him in future you’d prefer even a small gift but bear in mind maybe there was a thought here - all be it misplaced. And try to not make it bigger or make yourself more sad this close to Christmas- give him benefit of the doubt and make sure it doesn’t happen next year x