No presents from my DP

[Sarahtnz]

First time poster so please be gentle.
My DP has just told me that he hasn’t got me anything for Christmas and that he’s just giving me money. Whilst I’m grateful for the money so that I can buy things I want, I am also really hurt that he hasn’t got me anything at all. Even a bar of chocolate would have been nice!

We have been together for 8 years and have two young children together. I have done all of the present buying for them and also bought him several nice presents.
He claims that he didn’t have the time, couldn’t find anything and that I’m too fussy.

I’m feeling really hurt but he thinks I’m being unreasonable and should just be grateful for the money!

AIBU or would you be hurt too?

AIBU or would you be hurt too?

How you feel is how you feel. You can't change that nor should you try.

I'm a tad conflicted about this one as DH is the one who loves surprises and I'm all for getting exactly what I want and would be happy to not do adult presents anyway.

Your 'D'H could have handled this much, much better. I'd leave it for now but perhaps have a conversation with him in a relaxed moment , maybe summer holidays. Agree to do it differently, maybe provide a list, Amazon list or give you the budget in advance to buy yourself something.

Hope he is good in other ways.

it’s societally acceptable for them to not reduce their hours to parent their kid

Of course, how utterly irresponsible to work to put a roof over their head and food on the table. What bastards.

This a million times over.
We didn't need any "stuff" so we went away instead and enjoyed each other's company away from the pressures of work etc.

YANBU

If you're not wanting the bother of presents, and just wanting to give money, or nothing at all, the least you do is mention this to your DP well in advance so you can agree on expectations.

Your DP is an absolutely shit DP for doing this.

But the mother tends to be employed too, so your reasoning doesn’t add up. In general, women are expected to sacrifice their income and pension and career prospects to raise their kid while the father breezes on as he did before.

Fuck me that it some lazy twat of a DH you have there. Can't believe people put up with this shit.

Rhis is exact what dh and I did for each other. I find it a total pain and loathe buying gifts for dh- he has absolutely everything he wants and anything present like we are fortunate to buy any time of the year. I wouldn't even appreciate Chocolate because we get so many hampers from clients that has more than enough that I just regift them. Have you specifically mentioned something that you wanted - otherwise it is such a pain trying to think of something even generic gifts.

I really don't see the problem here. You can buy something of your choice with the money.

I hope you didn’t sort out gifts for his family for him? If you did, never, ever do that again. If his family expect gifts from him, they should have raised him not to be a self centered, inconsiderate arsehole.

The lack of any thought and consideration, obviously.

That's not obvious at all.

It takes at least one full time income to keep most households afloat and the father’s is usually the higher of the two. Any woman with serious career prospects will maintain her full time working too. Society doesn’t expect women to go part time although many choose to do so.

Of course it is, hence the phrase, it’s the thought that counts.

And yet you're still with him, allowing him to get away with this shit. 🤷. Where's your self worth?

oh there’s no putting up with it here @Tuilpmouse

As pp have said it’s about thought. His mum bought me a nicer gift (bracelet) so I’ll keep her 😂 I was tempted to remove my presents. He very grumpily opened them feeling like a dick but complained that two of the books I bought were wrong (can be changed, he’s into history and I got the wrong person he was interested in (they both have “of orange” in their title)).

Fuck, typing it out, yeah he is a bit of a knob.

At least you got money . I got nothing!! I was up until 4am getting the house ready for DC whilst he went to bed at 8pm and got up at 10 in the morning.
Merry Christmas p

Why the fuck do people put up with this shit?

YANBU - unless you really ARE fussy (I’m thinking of a post here last week in which a poster complained that herDH had got her expensive hair straighteners which were the WRONG colour).

Hope he spends next Christmas by himself in a bed sit.