Parents demanding we test

[BlackFlyChardonnay]

Right, so I'm really annoyed by this but could be being unreasonable so I'm here for your unbiased opinions.

Supposed to be going to my parents tomorrow for Christmas lunch. This is the first year for ages due to covid restrictions and my dad being clinically vulnerable and they are always quite nervous about catching germs.

Back story: My dad gets a medical every year. 7 years ago they said his prostate was enlarged compared to the previous year. Investigated it, found some cancerous cells and managed to remove them fully there and then. Didn't need radiotherapy or chemo thankfully, caught and dealt with very quickly. However, ever since covid he is very nervous as this medical history makes him ECV. He is more worried about covid than any other illness. They've both avoided catching it so far.

So we haven't seen them at Christmas for years but they invited us over this year. We've been liasing for weeks over arrangements. Today at 3.30pm I get a WhatsApp saying "looking forward to seeing you all. Please send us a photo of each of your negative covid tests."

First time they've mentioned this. I've got no tests in the house and don't really fancy now driving to go buy some. It is Christmas eve, my husband works in retail and this is his first day off in 9 days. We are all in our Christmas pyjamas and were about to watch a movie and enjoy our family time. I also don't want to force my kids (3, 5, 8) to do tests. Nothing ruins the Christmas atmosphere like restraining your 3 year old to do a nasal swab.

Maybe I should've anticipated this but this is the first they've said of it and it's just not been on my radar. None of us feel ill. Theyve also not asked us to do tests when we have visited them throughout the majority of this year (they did previously, when everyone was testing before mixing). Theyve also been on 2 cruises this year, gone to the theatre etc, so aren't generally isolating themselves any more.

I know my parents and know they will tell us not to come without proof we are negative.

What would you do??

I was going to say YABU if your dad is CEV and wanted you to test but if he’s only just mentioned it late in Xmas eve, didn’t ask in the past and is out and about at theatre maskless (is he or does he still wear a mask) he’s he’s being a bit U.

ask if he has some maybe and you can test on arrival?

the worst bit is him asking for a photo as if he wouldn’t believe your answer. That’s a it sad. Is there a backstory?

Given their fears they are not being unreasonable to ask you to test (my mother asked for same) but they are being totally unreasonable in giving you such short notice. Clearly not everyone will have a stash of tests in their house. Maybe as a compromise you can tell them you are willing to test just before entering their house if they can provide you with the tests?

I would t have a problem doing a test but the 'please send a photo' would fuck me right off. Of my family didn't trust me I wouldn't be going.

*wouldnt

I'm surprised you didn't realise for yourself that you should test.

We have all tested today as my parents are coming to dinner tomorrow so I don't think asking you to test per se is an issue. However, sending you a message on Christmas eve and asking for a photo is ridiculous. If they wanted you to test, they should have told you when they invited you.

Up to you I guess. If you want to go, then you need to buy tests but I think I'd be inclined to stay home. Can you order pizza or something similar? It heats up well and your dc are young enough they aren't going to be bothered by the lack of a traditional dinner.

Yanbu

I'm CEV
It literally puts me in hospital when I get covid (2x now) or any chest infection tbh.
I have not demanded my parents LFT before coming to me. Nor my uni aged children.
When we LFT tested it took FOUR days after obvious covid symptoms before LFT showed positive anyway and I also had a negative PCR on first day of having obvious covid ...

Your dad should have had his 4th or 5th covid vaccine by now - I have.

Also that they are asking on a Saturday Xmas eve so late in the day!!! 😱

Really it is more important whether you are showing any symptoms and you're not

Just do it.

The asking for a photo would get my back up a little bit. But I love them so we'd do it.

Don't test.
Don't go.
Stay at home and relax.

Your parents have every right to ask you to test, but you also have every right to say 'no'. We all know it's a ludicrous request, so they just have to deal with the consequences.

Bit late now, I'd just stay home

The masks have been hit and miss. They wear them to the supermarket i think, they wore them to see my eldest in his school play in June, but didn't wear them to the theatre or on their cruises. And they go to Toby cavery most Sundays and don't wear masks.

I think ill reply saying we don't have tests but me, husband and eldest will test tomorrow if they have them. Surely if we are all negative, the younger two will be and I won't have to make them cry on Christmas day by swabbing them.

The photographic proof thing is weird, isn't it? I mean it's not shocking behaviour for them, but objectively it is a weird thing to ask of immediate family, isn't it? I can't imagine not taking someone's word for it.

If you reply that you don’t have and can’t get tests, you may find that this afternoon you’ll be shopping for a full Christmas lunch.

They’ve been on 2 cruises! Sorry but these were breeding grounds for covid as restrictions lifted this year

yeah - I think it’s a good compromise to do the tests tomorrow (adults and oldest) if they have them. It’s not really fair for them to spring this on you last minute.

I’d do it if I had been given adequate warning.

I've now got a headache. I'm assuming the last minute stress is the cause, but I'm obviously now panicking ove got covid 🥴

I've replied saying what I said above. Anyway: Elf. Phone going on silent til Buddy is on his dad's lap.

Aren’t you going to have to go to the shops either way tho now? Either to get lfts OR to buy Xmas lunch food?

i have a very quick temper and would have told them to shove it a) for mentioning this so late in the day and b) making different rules for you than they did their cruise or whatever else.

Are any takeaways open near you?

Their behaviour seems quite controlling really, and you hint at this not being unexpected from them. They have been behaving inconsistently with tests and masks for the past year. I would put money on there being a pattern of controlling behaviour towards you throughout your life.

Given dad's history and the recent spike I would have just assumed you'd test tbh, I would and I'm not a big tester but just to preempt them asking you to do it.

Leaving it to the last minute to ask isn't ideal though, do they have tests you could use? Unless there's a huge backstory here where you've a history of being a bit thoughtless and they deliberately waited to say it to see if you'd just think of it first. Photo proof I mean 🤔pft would and wouldn't bother me. Depends on if there's trust issues between you or not.

Especially due to the demand for evidence, I'd tell them to enjoy staying in for the rest of their lives. No time for covid hysterics or tyrants.

Tell them you can't get tests and what would they like you to do ? They may have spare tests in the house that they can give you to use. You could suggest getting together at new year that way you've had time to get tests . I suspect they just assumed you'd be testing, but the photo thing is a bit paranoid. Have people lied about testing to them ?

Just a comment but his history as given here doesn't actually. Make him ECV unless he had chemo or is on other immunosuppressive meds for the prostate. Due tonhis age.and possible other health issues he maybe CV. Does he have an NHS COVID pack and his 6th vacination?

This!

Well I’d be properly pissed off at having to send a photo as proof and it’s daft anyway because if they don’t trust you then you could easily fake that. I’d probably have to say something to them about that, very disrespectful.
It is unfair of them in circumstances where they’ve been out and about and have seen you without requiring testing to ask for this at this stage on Christmas Eve but for the sake of peace love harmony and your Christmas Dinner I’d probably go with testing you and the oldest on arrival.

Her parents have been to the theatre a two cruises this year 😐