Parents demanding we test

[BlackFlyChardonnay]

Right, so I'm really annoyed by this but could be being unreasonable so I'm here for your unbiased opinions.

Supposed to be going to my parents tomorrow for Christmas lunch. This is the first year for ages due to covid restrictions and my dad being clinically vulnerable and they are always quite nervous about catching germs.

Back story: My dad gets a medical every year. 7 years ago they said his prostate was enlarged compared to the previous year. Investigated it, found some cancerous cells and managed to remove them fully there and then. Didn't need radiotherapy or chemo thankfully, caught and dealt with very quickly. However, ever since covid he is very nervous as this medical history makes him ECV. He is more worried about covid than any other illness. They've both avoided catching it so far.

So we haven't seen them at Christmas for years but they invited us over this year. We've been liasing for weeks over arrangements. Today at 3.30pm I get a WhatsApp saying "looking forward to seeing you all. Please send us a photo of each of your negative covid tests."

First time they've mentioned this. I've got no tests in the house and don't really fancy now driving to go buy some. It is Christmas eve, my husband works in retail and this is his first day off in 9 days. We are all in our Christmas pyjamas and were about to watch a movie and enjoy our family time. I also don't want to force my kids (3, 5, 8) to do tests. Nothing ruins the Christmas atmosphere like restraining your 3 year old to do a nasal swab.

Maybe I should've anticipated this but this is the first they've said of it and it's just not been on my radar. None of us feel ill. Theyve also not asked us to do tests when we have visited them throughout the majority of this year (they did previously, when everyone was testing before mixing). Theyve also been on 2 cruises this year, gone to the theatre etc, so aren't generally isolating themselves any more.

I know my parents and know they will tell us not to come without proof we are negative.

What would you do??

I don’t see how OP is to blame at all?

Discusting treatment from your own mother. They sound like miserable gits. I guess you will be seeing them less in 2023 and hopefully you will feel all the better for it

Yes. And do make sure you find time to tell Dsis to wind her fucking neck in OP.

Look, they're just fucking cunts

Dump them

Sweet fucking Jesus, these people sound absolutely fucking hideous!!!

Stay home, have fun, and go low/no contact next year!!

The hell with your sister. Merry Christmas

The fact that the kids aren't arsed about not seeing their grandparents on Christmas day says a lot.

Oh my goodness.

We all tested before our Christmas lunch and we had three air purifiers on as well. I am careful with Covid.

That said, your parents are batshit. They've chosen to ruin their own Christmas. I'm sorry they are carrying on like this and treating you so badly.

Have a look at the stately homes thread on here. Also Google 'captain awkward' for some great writing on toxic families and guilt tripping.

Have a great Christmas without them and enjoy a more peaceful life with further boundaries in place in 2023

Your parents are horrible bullies and are using their so-called health phobias – which conveniently vanish when they're on a cruise or outing that suits them – to control you. I think you should seriously contemplate going low contact from the New Year. The only person that's ruined your mum's Christmas is her.

Have a lovely day with your family.

They gave you little notice. Went on 2 cruises ("human petri dishes" -though worse than most as living cells). I wouldn't go.

YABU. Your father has had a brush with a life-threatening disease. Why would you not test on the request of someone you love?

Well you mum has taken it up a notch hasn't she. She and your sibling can fuck off. Have a lovely Christmas and if it helps your mum has given you a gift, you can lower contact safe in the knowledge she is toxic. Urgh

Your parents sound like very hard work!

My parents in law are in their 80s and went on a cruise in September. We warned them not to, but they wouldn't listen saying that everyone had to test beforehand.

FIL came home with COVID which has now damaged his lungs and left him very breathless and unable to do most of the things he could before (He was very fit for 83). He says he wouldn't go on a cruise instead.

I'm pretty relaxed about COVID - as a healthcare professional, I can see the massive difference that vaccination has made, but I wouldn't go on a cruise, as someone else has said, a cruise ship is like a petri dish on a large scale and I can't forget all those people trapped for weeks on a cruise ship at the beginning of the pandemic.

Your parents are really unreasonable (and batshit) insisting you test while they are gallivanting on cruises! You are more likely to catch one of the other horrible viruses doing the rounds at the moment (flu, paraflu, RSV, HMPV........) than COVID

Wouldn't go on a cruise AGAIN, sorry!

My friends and I test if we meet indoors. They do this for me. They don't object because I don't go anywhere without a mask,I avoid going anywhere. I think they would feel differently if I was gadding about without a care in the world,unmasked and unbothered. I feel for you. I hope u all have a good day.

I feel really sorry for you. I think your parents are off their rockers. It must be awful for all the families who have to deal with these covid-nuts up on their high horse with moral indignation when the world has moved on. As they've been vaxxed up to their eyeballs what are they afraid of?

I think you should give them a wide berth for a considerable period of time and when they whine that you're not coming to see them say "well there's no telling if I've got covid. I can do a test but it might not be accurate... I might be carrying it without symptoms and you've made it clear you don't want to be endangered....".

Your mum should have offered to drop off 5 from her stash of tests.....since she is so considerate she obviousily tests before anyone is due to visit her or before she ever leaves the house to be sure not to infect others.

Turn your phone off op and enjoy the rest of your day,you have done nothing wrong

Yeah, agree with most comments after your last post - you've been in no way unreasonable, and your family is as batshit as your husband's eyes are telling you! So sorry, I've had similar before myself with mine, name years ago.

But you know what? I'll bet you money that your family will be happier at home - your kids can play with their gifts, you can relax, eat what you want, watch what you want, drink what you want. I started having every holiday at home a few years ago, and I have no regrets with how much less drama and hassle it involves. Have a lovely day, and don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong.

Pussies - that's all

Hypocritical bullies. That is all

Unless that operation is v v recent his is not ECV. Take it from someone whose dad had full radical prostatectomy pre lock down and was not classed as ECV throughout. He's just paranoid.

Tell your DSis that your DP are worrying about themselves enough for everyone for one Christmas!

Enjoy your lovely family Christmas at home with your DC in their PJs. Sometimes less is more!

I haven’t read the whole thread but having a cancer diagnosis does not make you ECV. He’d need to be on immunosuppressive chemotherapy for that.

Wow - it says something that you kept saying she was right in that last update. They are not right and its not okay to speak to you like that. I agree with the poster who said it sounds like you need to stand up for yourself - not rudely but calmly and clearly. How hurtful. You have a great pj day with your family OP - cozy and special and drama free