Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents demanding we test

158 replies

BlackFlyChardonnay · 24/12/2022 15:49

Right, so I'm really annoyed by this but could be being unreasonable so I'm here for your unbiased opinions.

Supposed to be going to my parents tomorrow for Christmas lunch. This is the first year for ages due to covid restrictions and my dad being clinically vulnerable and they are always quite nervous about catching germs.

Back story: My dad gets a medical every year. 7 years ago they said his prostate was enlarged compared to the previous year. Investigated it, found some cancerous cells and managed to remove them fully there and then. Didn't need radiotherapy or chemo thankfully, caught and dealt with very quickly. However, ever since covid he is very nervous as this medical history makes him ECV. He is more worried about covid than any other illness. They've both avoided catching it so far.

So we haven't seen them at Christmas for years but they invited us over this year. We've been liasing for weeks over arrangements. Today at 3.30pm I get a WhatsApp saying "looking forward to seeing you all. Please send us a photo of each of your negative covid tests."

First time they've mentioned this. I've got no tests in the house and don't really fancy now driving to go buy some. It is Christmas eve, my husband works in retail and this is his first day off in 9 days. We are all in our Christmas pyjamas and were about to watch a movie and enjoy our family time. I also don't want to force my kids (3, 5, 8) to do tests. Nothing ruins the Christmas atmosphere like restraining your 3 year old to do a nasal swab.

Maybe I should've anticipated this but this is the first they've said of it and it's just not been on my radar. None of us feel ill. Theyve also not asked us to do tests when we have visited them throughout the majority of this year (they did previously, when everyone was testing before mixing). Theyve also been on 2 cruises this year, gone to the theatre etc, so aren't generally isolating themselves any more.

I know my parents and know they will tell us not to come without proof we are negative.

What would you do??

OP posts:
Aleaiactaest · 25/12/2022 17:38

So sorry OP - hope you had a lovely Christmas with your nuclear family in the end. I wouldn’t expose my own children to this too much…. Keep your distant for a while now. It doesn’t sound like your sister is very nice either.

daisy46 · 25/12/2022 19:23

CheesesandWines · 25/12/2022 11:00

This has all really escalated. Everyone to blame in part I think. Clearly your parents thought you were testing before you saw them previously, which would have been the right thing for you guys to do. At the same time the Xmas eve "show me the photos" was very unreasonable. I would be frank with your mother and tell her that due to her behaviour you won't be hosting them at all for future events and would be grateful if she didn't contact you about future gatherings at theirs given how unreasonable she has been this year. Ho ho ho , Merry Christmas!

Show quote history

You can bug off with all that "the right thing to do" and putting partial blame the OP. The rest of your post I agree with.

Ladysodor · 25/12/2022 22:48

Stop at home with your feet up.

UsingChangeofName · 25/12/2022 23:50

So when she goes to the Toby Carvery, does she think all the staff and other customers have tested? Or when she's on a cruise, does she genuinely believe that every time the ship docks and people go off for the day, that they are testing when they get back on board (not that it would help since covid incubates before showing as positive on a test)?

This

Your dh sounds lovely and incredibly patient with their batshittery and supportive of you whatever you feel you want to do.

But please read through the replies. You still sound as if you believe their guilt tripping. Of course they are not right. We (as a whole nation) were told we no longer need to test. If they wanted different from that then they needed to have been really clear about that both by saying it specifically to you all those months ago, and also (mainly this) in their actions by not going on cruises and going out to the pub for meals regularly.
They can't mix with all those people who they clearly have no idea who has what, and somehow expect you to then prove you don't have covid whenever you seem them. That clearly is not logical at all.

justasking111 · 25/12/2022 23:57

Your husband is like mine, always supportive in the face of my families batshit twattery. I hope you've had a lovely day. Ignore them they can stew for a while.

SocialLite · 26/12/2022 16:23

BlackFlyChardonnay · 25/12/2022 10:10

Merry Christmas everyone.

38% think I'm being unreasonable so that is a fair chunk.

I phoned mum last night and she was really angry with me, her main anger is that I dont have a stockpile of tests and that this shows that i haven't been testing before each time ive seen them (they haven't asked me to, but she says they shouldn't have to. She said "this is typical of you to be so irresponsible" which i can't really argue with, as I haven't been testing.) Apparently they have trusted me to test all 5 of us each and every time we have mixed since 2020 and I have massively breached their trust now they know that hasn't happened.

I said that I thought they had relaxed their stance, and gave the cruises as an example. She replied that everyone had to test before boarding and show proof. I said about Toby carvery and she again said that the times we'd been with them, she'd expected we had been testing and this is why photographic proof is needed because I'm dishonest!

I got upset but said I think she is being unfair and that covid isn't the only bug around. I said husband and me tested and are negative. She ended the call saying she's really angry and needs to calm down and that her Christmas is ruined.

She later sent me a message saying that, as we have now tested, we are welcome to come for dinner and she will put aside my behaviour until the new year.... then a second message saying, please post photos of all 5 negative tests before you arrive.

I have replied saying although we are covid negative, I have a bad head so might be coming down with another bug so will stay away so as to not make them ill.

She has replied saying that is for the best and they will not offer to host Christmas again as this has been too much stress for them at their age. (They are 69 and 72 by the way, I think someone asked).

I do still have a headache and also a scratchy throat but it could be because I didn't sleep well.

I just feel a bit deflated. Kids have opened presents but aren't actually upset they're not going to grandparents. They've asked if they can stay in pyjamas all day, which they definitely couldn't do at my parent's house as it's considered unhygienic.

My sister has sent me passive aggressive WhatsApp. She's at her inlaws this year and has messaged saying "i thought i could go away and enjoy myself without having to worry about mum and dad for once but obviously not! So thanks for that. Merry Christmas"

My husband has just raised his eyebrows and said nothing, but the eyes are clearly saying "batshit".

Anyway, we will have a nice day and I think I will massively reduce contact with them in the new year. I always feel like a massive disappointment to them all.

I hope you managed to have a lovely Christmas! We've been incredibly poorly and it's not Covid (flu we believe) and don't know anyone that's been ill that had it.

SnowAndIceLobelia · 26/12/2022 16:35

They are behaving disgracefully.

You don't have to put up with that shit any more. They can either behave like civilised, non-manipulative vaguely sane people or you can go low or no contact. Why inflict this on yourself and your family.

Proudofitbabe · 26/12/2022 16:36

God, they sound completely unhinged!
So desperate to avoid covid they'll live their lives cut off from close family. It's a weirdness I'll never get my head around. Hope you had a good day, surely it's a relief you won't have that crap to deal with next year.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page