DH sulking about sex on Christmas Eve. Sick of it ! AIBU?

[Mummawantsanotherbaba]

Classic tale

Before children we had good sex life .

Now have a toddler and I am 3
Months pregnant and sex life is lacking .

Since I was pregnant with my first baby , DH complained that we weren’t having enough sex and stared to become stroppy.

Before I was pregnant with number 2 we would have sex at least once every 10 days ( I felt i had too make an effort ) . Since I’ve been pregnant it has been once a month. Which is not lots but I have felt absolutely crappy. I work 27 hours a week and when I am not at work I look after the baby. DH does help around the house .

Today is Christmas Eve and for the third day DH has woken up Miserable and shouting- saying he is not wanting to be in a sexless marriage and I need to make an effort . He says That sex is a choice and I need to make time for him.

Part of me feels bad for him and I know he doesn’t want a sexless marriage . He was married before and this happened. I always said sex was important to me and i would make time for it .

Other part of me is absolutely sick of living with a miserable person who constantly whines like a child about sex.

Each time he Moans it gives me the ick and I go further off wanting sex. I find myself dreading holidays / weekends as i know he will be in a strop as he will say he didn’t get any sex!

I think it is the sulking and moaning which drives me crazy. He never talks like an adult - it is always silent treatment and sulking .

It is hard . Half of me wants empathizes with him. Half of me hates him . It is Christmas Eve and it is now the third day in a row we have argued over sex .

AIBU to be fed up ? Or am I being lazy ?

This shows he is a man child. Show him this thread.

or send him a link to coercive sex

So many of these responses here are just ad hominems.

I am genuinely surprised by the level of rhetoric here.

Clearly DH is behaving badly, no argument.

How long should he remain in a broadly sexless relationship? How long is reasonable.

@OldFan Completely agree with you.

@Mumuser124 I can't see many people saying sex isn't an important part of lots of relationships.

Only that it's unhealthy to force yourself to submit to something so personal if your libido says otherwise. And it's not a partnership if someone thinks it's ok to just pressure you to give in to what they want.

And also that a lowered libido is normally a symptom of a problem, not the actual problem. If you (as a couple) fix the actual problem then the symptom should go away. Just pretending there isn't a problem and 'pushing through' is likely to do more harm than good.

Some really fucking dubious replies on here.

The OP would like a bit of respect and consideration but I see you’re with the pregnant and chained to the sink school of marriage guidance … (same place @Mumuser124 ) got her “councilling” from)

Oh I agree. But you seem to have misunderstood. There's definitely more to sex than sticking your dick where it is not wanted. That is not a healthy sex life, that is rape.

To be fair though we are encouraging them, must be thrilling to see other posters tagging and replying to the vitriol. But seriously it’s the thin end of the wedge, female misogynists.

The OP is 3 months pregnant for fuck sake. I wasn't having sex at all when I was three months pregnant cos I felt like shit and I didn't want to. And she has her husband SHOUTING at her about it.

I honestly feel so sorry for those of you in relationships where you think that's normal. It is not normal. Seek help and change your life, especially if you are bringing up kids in that kind of environments

Sorry that was in reply to @Hugasauras

Why should she?
It is a Legitimate, if unpopular point.

One person doesn’t get to decide unilaterally when and how sex takes place, and expect the other person to be ok with it.

If there is a mismatch in sex drives, the relationship is done. But OP wants another kid (not with another man) so doesn’t want to bin him, but won’t have sex with him either.

This is truly fucked up and it’s not just her DH that needs to rethink his approach.

Yeah, it's just really disturbing to think these people are potentially bringing up sons and daughters, isn't it?

Rather like the thread earlier this week about whether men should insist on walking a woman home late at night, even when she has said she's fine. Apparently there are numbers of (I assume) women proud of bringing up sons who can't take a woman's no for an answer.

The op is an abused woman. She's being pressured into sex she doesnt want.

eww. It’s given me the ick just reading about it. I can’t imagine a grown adult treating anyone like that. Let alone the husband of a pregnant woman. You do not owe him sex, no one owes anyone sex, I can’t even contemplate thinking like that in a loving relationship. I’d be telling him where he could fuck right off to. He’s welcome to this perfect woman who has sex with him whenever he desires regardless of her feelings, wants or needs. Yuck.

I’m sick of having an adult shouting at me and not talking to me .

Not only is he being a sex pest and treating you like a sex toy, but he shouts at you and gives you the silent treatment if he doesn't get sex?! That's abuse. Read that line over and over again, then decide if you want to be in this marriage.

Easy for me to say that, and I don't know what he is like otherwise, only you do. However, this behaviour is awful and needs to change. Tell him that this needs to stop or he can leave. Nobody wants to be pestered for sex. Even if he wants it and misses it, there are ways of going about it with some common decency.

It’s ok to choose to have sec when you want to. That’s not “withholding” sex. Shouting and whining to get someone to consent to sex is bullying. Enough.

@Chimna

that is exactly the point I have been trying to make throughout. Here is more to sex than just me sticking a dick in you. That is why it’s so utterly miserable when there is a lack of it. It is an indication of a deeper issue within the relationship, hence, people feel fucking awful when it happens with no explanation or effort to fix it.

Sorry there and him

Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship but so is (even more) empathy. Did your therapist skipped that one?

What a knob. So he married you just for sex? Urgh.

Op I note you have an eating disorder and feel pressure to look a certain way for your awful husband.

I think you need counseling to think about what you want and what’s good for you. Forget trying to please someone else all the time- that will never make you happy.

And pushing a 3 month pregnant woman (with a job and a toddler) into having sex and resorting to emotional blackmail if she doesn’t is total lack of empathy.

I've been married twice OP. Both ExH's got arsey/verbally abusive about lack of sex. One was actually having an affair but we were still having sex, just not enough for HIM. He thought it may improve by calling me a 'frigid bitch'. Two children under 3 at the time. Insomnia. Knackered. Both didn't understand that sex comes from a base of being happy and connected, not abused. Both emotionally retarded. The 'affair exH' admitted making up arguments to justify his affair. Couldn't stand him by the time he left me. Am so happy living on my own now and couldn't care whether I see another dick for the rest of my life.

So..
My husband has a lower sex drive than me. Sometimes he doesn't feel like it for two weeks and says no to sex. Sometimes his head is stuck in his stressful job. Now, before you say he's having an affair, he's always had a low sex drive and isn't much of a flirter, so seems unlikely.

But you know what. I'm a grown up! I understand people have other things going on and I won't explode. Is it different because I'm on a woman, like I don't really NEED the sex? Or am I extremely tough.

Nope, I just have empathy and know how to compromise.