To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

She is too young and has plenty of time to have alcohol once she and her liver are mature enough.

Nothing wrong with it

Why?

Much too young and quite odd for a parent to want to facilitate and normalise this. We all know that plenty of teens will have had drinks at parties at 14 but if the parent is encouraging it (and suggesting that not drinking is uptight and joyless) where is the boundary?

“I don’t mean you must have a drink to have a good time but it certainly helps.” wow OP the message you are giving your child is truly amazing, must write this down for my own two when they hit the very mature age of 14!!

Too young - and too immature if she came home what you consider " a bit" drunk.

We would give (and have given) 14 YO one small drink to try in our company because we want them to get used to sensible, social drinking so it's not some big, verboten thing.

But I wouldn't given a 14 yo a bunch of drinks to take to a party with peers and no parental supervision - yes, I know 18 is an adult, but they won't feel the same about it as a parent. I know social drinking is the norm for some 14yos, but it's not something I want for mine because I think it's too soon to be smart about it and I think kids who start drinking early are more likely to get pulled into prioritising partying over school and other responsibilities.

14…. No it’s not okay. She isn’t mature enough for this. She is too vulnerable to be drinking alongside older teens. Many teens get pressured into doing things they don’t want to do when they have been drinking. Your job is to protect your child not be their BFF.

Times have changed, I was going in pubs at 14 (early bloomer) and drinking but I would not want a 14yr old drinking alcohol now...

Year 9 with no responsible adult there? (No, an 18 year old is not a responsible adult). Parent of the fucking year there, aren't you? Children do not need to be encouraged to drink.

You should have checked. It doesn't matter what everyone else was doing - if no parent checked that poor 18 year old had to supervise a group of drunk teenagers with no warning.

How is that fair?

With proper adult supervision of the party, YANBU. Sending a girl to a party to get drunk which is all teenagers.. no.

I'm confused by this u r preventing ur child to be put in a risky situation with Alcohol when they are an adult and would have more maturity , by literally giving them alcohol at 14 which is more risky as they not as matured to handle it? Make this make sense?!

Bever pubs and bars are super strict now. We were in the bar bit of a restaurant with our 14 and 16 year old and the bouncer was not happy - fortunately we had to leave by 7 anyway which was the deadline but shows how seriously businesses take the age limits.

I will go a bit further to my previous comment saying fill was right and say if I was a parent with kids st that party and I found out my kids had the drink you supplied I would be calling the police . What you did is illegal and dangerous

Inappropriate.

So was she completely pissed or a bit drunk? I don't think it is healthy to be getting completely pissed at 14, athough I'm teetotal I have let my kids have a drink at 14 but I wouldn't be happy if they got completely pissed. I do agree it is better for them to have some experience of alcohol before they go off to uni or whatever but their physical health at 14 does matter.

I also feel sorry for the 18 year old if she was responsible for about 20 kids drinking, that is quite something to deal with.

Legally yes, but there are plenty of 18 year olds who are immature and would find it hilarious to watch a load of 14 year olds get drink. I enjoy a drink and recently allowed my year 11 to have a beer at home, i get the difficulties around a strategy for kids and alcohol but absolutely no way would I be sending a 14 year old to a party with alcohol full stop, let alone one where there were no proper adults on site. You have potentially placed your daughter in a very vulnerable position.

Like me, because its been the norm from when I was about 14 funnily enough!

When i was 18 my DS was 15. She was meeting with some friends and I bought her a bottle of smirnoff ice to take. My mum didnt know. Later on in the night DM tells me that DS has been hit by a car. I can still feel my gut rench just thinking about it. Thankfully DS was completely fine and told me that she had only had a fee mouth fulls of thr smirnoff ice by this point. I still dread to think how easily she could have been seriously hurt though ans rightly or wrongly id never forgive myself. I told DS the next morning that i hoped she understood but i could never buy her alcohol again. It is too much responsibility for an 18 year old. You might be an adult or paper but you are at the very beginning of the adult journey.

14 is far too young!! What on earth were you thinking!!!
And there was an 18 year old sister there? Probably also drunk

Incredibly irresponsible - imagine if she'd choked on her own vomit?

If she'd ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning eg having her stomach pumped, you'd have had a visit from social services and maybe even be charged or cautioned for supplying alcohol to a minor.

I'm totally with your mother-in-law she seems much more sensible!!!

Op. I drank at 11. I grew up to have a serious alcohol problem. Introducing kids to alcohol young does them zero favours. Indicating to them that alcohol is fun, that it’s street smart, blah blah blah, is all part of the intoxication. Wkd type drinks are the gateway drinks (it was martini lemonade when I was 11). It’s not funny, it’s not cool, and it’s best avoided.

A drunk 14year old, at a party with other drunk teenagers and no effective supervision, is very very vulnerable.
I speak as someone who survived rape.

We started doing this at 15 but only for small gathering not full scale teenage parties and when DD's friends' parents were at home

Surely to God this is not a genuine thread.

OP you are a joke of a parent if any of this is even half true.