Parents want baby in their bed

[JulianCasa]

Argh please help!

Staying at parents for Xmas. Have brought baby DC.

Nice night, said goodnight, they asked what time DC will be up - around 6.30. Then said send him in to us. As in - into their bed!! I found this bizarre so politely said no it’s okay, we like that morning time. Then they pleaded with me to give them a chance!! I just pulled a face as if to say WTF and walked out 🙈

But now I am panicking about how to say no in the morning without causing WW3! My parents can get quite sensitive when it comes to DC.

So as not to drip feed, this has happened before. Last time I stayed here with DC and not DH. My dad came into the room in the morning when he heard us up, I presumed to help. He took my DC and took DC into the bed with my mum. They were also half dressed. Regardless of that, I don’t want DC going into their bed until DC themself can choose to do that.

I just find it all so weird but really need some advice on how to handle this situation delicately!?

Get them to sing a song and then Send them in at 4am singing it. They won't ask again 😂

They provably think it's quite cosy having their GC in bed for a snuggle. Unlikely there's anything dodgy about it. If you think there is follow your instincts.

Is it because they have memories of cuddly mornings in bed with you as a child?

Its understandable if you feel uncomfortable about it. The insistence on it does come across a bit odd.

If I were you I would just keep saying no. Then encourage other forms of contact instead.

No, don’t blame you. It’s weird, and inappropriate for them to keep pushing for this, especially when you’re obviously not keen.

Keep an eye on them. Get up with your DC when they’re awake.

If they were offering to get up with the baby so you could lie in that’d be different, but this is a bit odd. Maybe it’s well intentioned, but I wouldn’t be comfortable either.

When your dad knocks to come in (which I presume he will) just call out 'not now we are still getting ready'

If he is coming into the bedroom you are staying in without knocking you have bigger issues

How strange! Can you not just get up with the DC and take them downstairs and say “we are fine thank you, you go back to bed” when they request the handover ?

Dont let them just “take” the baby.

Why do you find it so bizarre? My kids used to love climbing into bed with my parents having cuddles and playing. It’s not weird unless you make it. Unless there is a whole big backstory about your parents.

I always got into both sets of grandparents beds. They where wearing pyjamas though. I thought this was normal. When mil was alive I didn't have any issues with ds getting into her bed. Or the sofa bed when fil was here. Unless you have a reason to worry then I'm not sure why you are there at all to be honest!

I used to actively encourage my dd to go and say hi to granny in bed and roll over for a lie in.

@Motheranddaughtertotwo I agree both my dc run in to my parents room to cuddly in bed and chat

DH parents do this too. I found it a bit odd as ‘hanging out’ in parents beds wasn’t something we did in my family growing up but apparently other people do…
TBH I couldn’t care less anything that involves extra shut eye for me! When very small both children made it quite clear they wanted to stay with me so when they went into GP bedroom they started bawling and were swiftly returned. As they got older (from about 2;6 I think) they loved it and see it as real treat to the point that they’re banging on GP door at 6am. They’ve made rod for their own backs in that respect!

Hard no, it’s inappropriate and weird. Tell DM that you wouldn’t want to teach baby DC to get into bed with anyone but his mum and dad, and if she gets upset, ask her to consider what is best for DC. Hopefully she won’t, that sounds rather emotionally manipulative.

My DC can’t climb in or even agree to it though, I just think it’s odd and not their place. He’s our baby, not theirs 🙈

I’d feel differently if he was excitedly running in.

backstory not so much other than lots of overstepping boundaries since he’s been born!

Also I’m still breastfeeding so he’ll need a feed first thing.

The op isn’t comfortable with it . End of.

now I am panicking about how to say no in the morning without causing WW3!

This is your issue.

You are the parent here of your DC. And yet your parents will start WW3 to get their own way and get you to back down about your own child?

Not healthy to feel this way about saying no, and suggests bigger problems than just this.

It’s not nice for them to insist if you said no but I can’t say I would be bothered about this and think it’s nice. I’d be having myself a lie in or coffee and do the crossword or long shower etc.

My kids always got into bed with my parents, they are now adults and it's the dog who climbs in with them!

We were just talking at the weekend about how ds10 uses to get into bed with his grandparents in the morning and they would tell stories until ds said "I'm hungry" then they got up and made porridge together. What lovely memories for them all

I can't think of a single reason why I wouldn't have wanted that to happen.

Maybe you have reasons though and that's fine. Your kid, your rules.

Unless there is a massive backstory here then it is no more "inappropriate and weird" than the DC getting in bed with you.

They are your parents not strangers you just met yesterday

Yes, this struck a chord.

Unless there is a particular reason to be concerned for your little one’s welfare around your parents (which I assume there probably isn’t as you are staying with them) then I think this is a really really normal, cosy and unproblematic thing to do.

My oldest will still always sleep in granny's bed with her when we stay there but that's because he wants to.

If it's a problem and you don't like it and they wont listen don't stay there anymore.

Jesus- really? If you suspect foul play why on Earth sleep there to begin with.

I wouldn’t.

Kids running in fine. A baby wants breastfeeding and mummy so no

Ignore everyone who’s saying it’s nice or what’s the problem. It clearly doesn’t sit right with you. I’d find it odd too. I would just say no thankyou, we love our mornings together and dc will want a feed. Or dcs going through a growth spurt at the moment so feeding is on and off in the mornings. If your dad goes to “take” the baby then I think that’s when you’ll have to be more assertive and say no dad I’ve said I don’t need you to take dc, we’re about to do xyz. I can see how it’s awkward though.