Parents want baby in their bed

[JulianCasa]

Argh please help!

Staying at parents for Xmas. Have brought baby DC.

Nice night, said goodnight, they asked what time DC will be up - around 6.30. Then said send him in to us. As in - into their bed!! I found this bizarre so politely said no it’s okay, we like that morning time. Then they pleaded with me to give them a chance!! I just pulled a face as if to say WTF and walked out 🙈

But now I am panicking about how to say no in the morning without causing WW3! My parents can get quite sensitive when it comes to DC.

So as not to drip feed, this has happened before. Last time I stayed here with DC and not DH. My dad came into the room in the morning when he heard us up, I presumed to help. He took my DC and took DC into the bed with my mum. They were also half dressed. Regardless of that, I don’t want DC going into their bed until DC themself can choose to do that.

I just find it all so weird but really need some advice on how to handle this situation delicately!?

Simple, if you're not happy then it's no.

Not foul play at all

I’m just not comfortable with my baby being treated like a doll as that’s how it feels.

Very mixed responses but I do feel it’d be totally different if DC could communicate/agree to it!

I guess everyone feels differently and you should do what you’re comfortable with. In my family it would totally be their place, I found it really sweet. You don’t find it ok so I guess all you can do is be clear with them.

Happy memories of getting in with both sets (during different visits) whilst parents had a lie in! They'd have a cuppa (teasmaid) and there were always biscuits 😆They'd tell me stories about when my parents were little. It was lovely. However, if you're not comfortable then fine. It sounds more about them not listening to you than anything.

I often slept in a bed with my Nan. She bed hogged 🤣. My grandad would sleep on the sofa bed (they had a one bedroom flat). Really lovely memories.

But if you don't want this just say no 🤷🏼‍♀️

You have the final say, but pretty normal for grandparents to have a hug in bed with grandchild I'd have said. You make it sound like they are strangers when they are close family.

It doesn't matter what everyone else would do - if you're not comfortable with it then you're perfectly entitled to say no.

Don't feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with 💐

@primeoflife I slept on a fold up bed. We had a funny name for it but I can't remember it now and in the morning I would run to their room. My nan had a scar from a heart operation and I found it fascinating. Not sure why. As it was actually very scary!

My other grandparents I had my own room for when I visited my dad but I would get into their bed every morning and my grandad would get us all a cup of tea and biscuits. He would do a cross word and my nan a wordsearch and I got to help her. I only realised when I was older that he was so quick to get the tea, was so he could put his teeth in. I never realised they where dentures until now and I'm 30 🤣

I agree, I'd use it as an excuse to have a doze personally!

This just unlocked a memory of going away for a few days with DS when he was a baby. As it was his first “holiday” we rented a property with another bedroom and invited my mum & partner to stay one night and MIL & FIL to stay another night. MIL entered the bedroom where me, DH and DS were sleeping in the morning (I was bare chested as I was breastfeeding) and just held out her arms for DS. I was in totally shock and couldn’t speak. DH was holding DS and just looked at her incredulous. She backed out of the room looking sheepish. She didn’t apologise but equally never did it again.

Some grandparents seem to think it’s their right? I agree there’s nothing sinister in it, everyone loves a baby cuddle, but some people will try to cross every boundary you have unless you’re firm with them.

I guess this thread just outlines the differences in peoples relationships with parents 😂

I think if DC was a toddler who could walk and talk a bit it’d be very different but they can’t, DC is still a baby. Still feeding and can’t tell me how they feel or agree to things.

I trust my parents with my DC. But I just think this is a bit much! I also feel like it’s our only time alone as a 3 while we stay here so I’d like to protect it.

I stayed at my parents at the weekend, with DS3. He woke at 6.30 and went in with my parents. I stayed in bed! Nothing wrong with it as far as I can see. He’s 3 and happy to go in, but he’s stayed there many times since a baby so I’m sure he’s always been in their bed.

I used to sleep in the bed with them when I was a kid lol.

However, if you don’t want him to that’s fine!

I'm guessing first child OP. By the 2nd or 3rd you'll be banging on your parents door saying " Can you mind the baby, I need a shower?".
Personally I'd give them the baby after a feed and then have a lovely nap.

My family don’t do this. I wouldn’t like it so it’s not something we do.

What would WW3 entail, OP?

You're going to get loads of debate on this thread about the rights and wrongs of babies in beds/GPs etc. But the reality is none of that matters. You've said no to something they want to do with your child, and you're suggesting they won't respect that you have the final say.

Are they like this in other ways? Or is it just with your baby/parenting?

Rubber wedge. Shove it under the door. Job done.

I liked it when my parents took baby DS for a cuddle, it gave him entertainment and gave us 20 mins more snoozing. I also remember getting into my grandparents bed for cuddles as a child. My granny had a bear hand puppet we played with.
So it seems normal to me, but that's irrelevant to you OP. You're not comfortable and it's your baby so don't do it. Can you phrase it that you enjoy the morning cuddles yourself, maybe your partner doesn't often get to share because of getting up for work so this is his special time being off for Christmas?

If I'm staying at my mums house my dc will jump into her bed in the mornings while I have a lie in but everyone is in their pyjamas fully dressed and my son consents to this. Plus my mum doesn't have a partner. No way I'd let it happen if she did

Aww, my two nieces (6 and 4),absolutely adore grandma time when my mum stays with my sister When my son was a toddler, he was exactly the same. I don’t see the problem at all.

Good lord.

We always gave ours to my parents in the mornings when we stayed with them. They got snuggles, we got more sleep or time to ourselves. Win win.

As the kids got older this became a lovely part of their routine at granny and grandads, and loved it

Do you have any reason to be worried about your parents motives??

I would have just assumed they wanted morning cuddles & to give me a chance for a bit more sleep.

When I read these kinds of threads I wonder if I am a terrible parent. I am very much yes to a grandparent wanting to take away a small baby/child from me at 6.30am. They love it and we get some peace. I can enjoy special time at another time, not 6.30am, especially when my babies didn't sleep much of the night.

Haha, me too! Granny and DC loved it!

What would WW3 entail, OP?

This is the important question

Because I think all the people telling you its normal, you are being pfb, you will be grateful when the kids are older etc, didn't let their children do this because they were scared of the fallout if they didn't. That's a very different situation

Your baby, absolutely your choice. If they start a row over this then I wouldn’t stay there again.

Why are they coming into your room half undressed?

I think you’re right to consider and protect any boundaries, not just this one.