Parents want baby in their bed

[JulianCasa]

Argh please help!

Staying at parents for Xmas. Have brought baby DC.

Nice night, said goodnight, they asked what time DC will be up - around 6.30. Then said send him in to us. As in - into their bed!! I found this bizarre so politely said no it’s okay, we like that morning time. Then they pleaded with me to give them a chance!! I just pulled a face as if to say WTF and walked out 🙈

But now I am panicking about how to say no in the morning without causing WW3! My parents can get quite sensitive when it comes to DC.

So as not to drip feed, this has happened before. Last time I stayed here with DC and not DH. My dad came into the room in the morning when he heard us up, I presumed to help. He took my DC and took DC into the bed with my mum. They were also half dressed. Regardless of that, I don’t want DC going into their bed until DC themself can choose to do that.

I just find it all so weird but really need some advice on how to handle this situation delicately!?

Oh mine always rush straight into my parents bed first thing when they visit, they love a snuggle with their grandparents? They also run straight in for cuddles with their aunties. Youngest toddler climbed in shower with auntie yesterday!!

I'm another who thinks its a bit odd to be bothered by this. They are tiny children!

I think something can get inappropriate without sexualised intent.
DS cosleeps, but I stopped sleeping naked when he started. There would have nothing sexual about it. Obviously. But I felt it was inappropriate.

Not everyone is comfortable with things and if a parent isn't comfortable with their child being in a certain situation then decent adults respect that. If you don't respect the boundaries your adult child sets then what are the chances you'll respect the boundaries your grandchild tries to set? Nil.

DS runs into PILs room first thing in the morning, he's not asked/forced, and if he or PILs were uncomfortable it would stop. But if they were trying to force it then I would be uncomfortable.

Unless there’s cause for concern with either parent, people who talk of the baby being ‘unable to give consent’ in this context must IMO be seriously messed up.

Agreed.

I've been sexually abused by a family member. Guess that means I'm messed up. I was abused before I was able to fucking talk and it continued until past the time I could.
By consent I mean able to communicate. Be able to tell a parent what's actually going on. You are more likely to be groomed or SA by family than a stranger.

Sadly paedophiles target children at the preverbal stage because this makes it easier for them to get away with the disgusting crimes. Generally speaking the younger the child the more deep-seated and extensive the damage.😔
I'm so sorry for what happened to you @Xer 😔💗

However I feel the issue here is that these grandparents feel they can override the wishes of the parents, that doesn't mean they have nefarious intentions, but OP has said that they 'kick off' if they don't get their own way, in other words they try to intimidate her into obeying them.

Yet further proof our society and civilization is degrading into the depths of despair.

Grandkids can't even cuddle their grandparents anyone 🤣

Grandparents can cuddle their grandkids. But what they can't do is take a breastfeeding baby away from its mother against her wishes because they want to cuddle it in their bed and have a strop if they don't get their own way about it.

CSA is very common, I've read lots of accounts on here from people who were abused by a grandparent, or where the grandparent has dismissed or turned a blind eye to abuse of the grandchildren.

The only weird thing is you thinking it’s weird!

My DC can’t climb in or even agree to it though, I just think it’s odd and not their place. He’s our baby, not theirs

Your baby can’t agree to anything though! Does he ask for you to take him to a baby class? Or give him a bath?
Why does them giving him a cuddle have anything to do with who’s baby it is?

My parents take DD in the mornings when I stay with them. Gives them some time with her and I get a more leisurely lie in bed.
They have a cuddle and watch nursery rhymes. Nothing weird about it.

I don’t get this new thing of “MY BABY”!!
its so over the top imo. Someone helping you out or loving the baby, or playing with them doesn’t mean you aren’t the mum. The ownership obsession over a baby is weird imo.

No doubt you’ll be back complaining when he’s 2/3 that you’re exhausted and don’t get a break.

My brother and I were the same!!
I have very fond memories of these times
What is it you are worried about?

This…

What suits one family doesn’t suit another… your baby your rules. And if your parents get upset I would ask myself why? They’ve done their baby rearing their way, now it’s your turn.
You don’t feel comfortable and enjoy those early morning s with your baby. So tell your parents that. And stick to your guns.

Exactly. So many people saying they loved running into their GP’s bed. That’s a totally different situation and family.

OP doesn’t feel comfortable with this at the moment. She doesn’t want her breastfeeding baby taken away from her in the morning. Isn’t it more worrying that her parents ‘start WW3’ when told no?

People who refuse to read the rest of OP’s comments, where she explicitly explains that she does not believe that and that she’s been taken out of context, are seriously messed up. This is bullying plain and simple. Guess it’s just easier to jump on the bandwagon than actually trying to understand where OP is coming from isn’t it?

Just sau sorry but baby will need a feed in the morning, plus I don't want them to think as they get older that getting into bed with anyone or anyone getting into their bed is ok. Just say your thinking about how if you imply its OK now, when you need to change the boundaries as they grow it may blur the lines.

Absolutely Stranger Danger!

They might come across some nefarious folk in the middle of the street... In bed 🤣