Parents want baby in their bed

[JulianCasa]

Argh please help!

Staying at parents for Xmas. Have brought baby DC.

Nice night, said goodnight, they asked what time DC will be up - around 6.30. Then said send him in to us. As in - into their bed!! I found this bizarre so politely said no it’s okay, we like that morning time. Then they pleaded with me to give them a chance!! I just pulled a face as if to say WTF and walked out 🙈

But now I am panicking about how to say no in the morning without causing WW3! My parents can get quite sensitive when it comes to DC.

So as not to drip feed, this has happened before. Last time I stayed here with DC and not DH. My dad came into the room in the morning when he heard us up, I presumed to help. He took my DC and took DC into the bed with my mum. They were also half dressed. Regardless of that, I don’t want DC going into their bed until DC themself can choose to do that.

I just find it all so weird but really need some advice on how to handle this situation delicately!?

Same. My dd sleeps in with her Nan and my dad jumps in her bed in my parents. I used to love getting in with my mum and still do to watch the odd film.

She's 67, goes out every Saturday with my dad till the early hours with their mates and watches Netflix in bed all Sunday. I go round some weeks and watch it with her and my dad brings us snacks. Bliss

Not once did I say I was worried about their motives.

i find it weird that they are trying to parent my child - I guess they do this a lot like wanting to do all his firsts with him. Taking him into bed to me is what WE do on our days off together, it’s our thing not theirs. It’s weird that they’re overstepping boundaries.

I’m not worried about their motives or ‘foul play’ as someone said above. This suggestive language is really unfair.

And I’m being hurtful 😂

I used to get into bed with my grandparents. I don’t find it weird or inappropriate at all?!
mumsnet is a different world.

Exactly. Sat having a drink with my Mum and she’s just been talking about she used to send me and my brother into my Gran’s room in the morning so she could get a lie in when we stayed with my grandparents for Christmas.

Is it because you feel like they are trying to take something special from you?

Maybe. It’s usually our time as a 3 on days when we’re all not in a rush to get everyone to work/daycare etc.

Poor Grandparents, Mumsnet is a different world. Some people are so uptight

I'm with you on this one OP. I wouldn't be comfortable at all, I've got 2 DC, my eldest will run into my parents bedroom (Once I've made sure they are awake and decent) but he doesn't get into bed with them.

This. I’m a bit confused as to why this would be anything sinister? When my DC stay at my parents or my in laws, they all climb into their bed in the morning and sometimes have breakfast in bed or have some tv on.
I remember me and my parents getting into bed with our parents on a Sunday morning for a nice chilled morning. Mum and dad would have a coffee and we’d all chat about our day and have the radio on.

My husbands parents loved taking the kids when they woke early- I loved having a lie in to be honest and if they hung out with them in their bed I did t care - however if your not comfortable with it then it’s a no- and you stick with it - I wouldn’t ever agree to something I wasn’t comfortable with my DC

I can understand that then. Your parents obviously don't mean any harm by it, they just don't understand how precious those rare times together with your baby are for you.

I wasn't going to reply but I've had a Christmas Eve Eve wine so here goes - I think that it's so sad that you feel this way, why are you denying your parents one morning out of a month/year whatever to have a little morning cuddle with your baby when you have every single day of the week? Also, you are missing an absolute trick - whenever we stay at my mums or in laws that's our time to lie in as both Nanny's always take the kids in the morning and it's bliss! Both my kids - now 6 and nearly 3 have stayed at both grandparents from about 6 weeks (I know that's early but I was comfortable leaving them as both sets of grandparents are absolutely amazing and fully capable of taking care of them) my parents in particular adore my kids as they are the only gc on my side and my kids love them too and love getting into nanny and grandads "big bed" they put on kids tv for them and just chat and cuddle - it's lovely for all of them. I couldn't imagine ever feeling weird about it, I love knowing they all love having a morning together (and I get to sleep a bit longer!) I know my kids will cherish these memories when they are older and my parents sadly won't be with us anymore and my parents cherish every moment with their grandchildren so I will say please, have a think about this and as your child gets older you might change your mind x

You’re definitely not. It’s completely normal. It’s actually quite sad to see how some families are with one another. I used to think it was normal to be really close to your parents and siblings but either it’s not and I’m unusually lucky or mumsnet is just another world.

Gosh grandparents really can’t do right sometimes can they?

It sounds both lovely for them and the little one and a bonus lie in for you.

my mum used to be up like a lark at ours so she could have morning time with the baby/babies/toddlers and it was so sweet and a total treat to be able to have a cup of tea in bed with DH and not have wriggling kids for an hour.

You talk about them stealing your precious time with your baby but surely you don’t stay at theirs often? Is letting them bond with their own grandchildren for an hour once every so often really such a stretch?

Sometimes feels on here like parents are really transactional with grandparents. They expect them to babysit when needed but not ask to have the kids when not needed and buy the perfect gifts but not too many and visit when needed but then not overstay their welcome and mustn’t be distant but not be overkeen to be around and must have their own lives and therefore not at all hurt if ignored for weeks but not be unavailable when the parents happen to need a hand.

Flipping tightrope!

When DC stays at DHs parents they always take him into their bed when he wakes up early. I’ve always thought it was so sweet 🥰 it’s certainly not weird!! They love their GC and want to snuggle, what’s the harm?

Confess to not reading all of the thread. And having had some Christmas wine.

but I was immediately brought back to my grandparents when my sister and I were little.
we’d have to stay very still while they passed each other a couple of tea made by the teasmaid (I actually wish for one of these myself now!). And I just have the very best of warm fuzzies - can’t remember what phrase we would’ve used back then! - when I think back to those moments, they were so rare as we lived a long way away from them.

we felt so loved and so special.

if you have no other good reason, let them crack on.

Who cares if PP are ok with their kids doing. OP said no, end of.

Whether it's weird and inappropriate to suggest is debateable, but not really the point.

You're the child's parent, it's your decision to make. They are not the parents. So if they suggest something about what they would like to do with the child while you're there and you say no, that should be the end of it. Same as if they suggested an activity that you thought was inappropriately dangerous, or a food that you thought was inappropriate for their health. There's rarely an absolutely objective right answer to these things: parenting is a series of judgment calls that we make to the best of our ability. The point here is not which call is right, it's WHO gets to make it.

I really find stories like this very strange, and there are a lot of them on here about how relatives behave towards children. I don't ever remember my extended family challenging my parents' right to make the bottom line decisions about my upbringing; none of my extended family or in laws have ever done so about ours. Sure, people can voice disagreement, but someone has to have the final call, and that person is the parent.

I agree that they have problems with boundaries, which means you need to assert those boundaries clearly and without compromise, and tell them to go jump if necessary.

You clearly don’t feel ok with it now, so it’s just a no. Doesn't matter what the grandparents or Mumsnet think about it.

They’re trying to give you a lie in and develop a close relationship with their grandchild. While you not feeling comfortable is perfectly fine and you have the right Ito say no, describing it as them trying to parent or saying dc is yours not theirs is horrible. They’re grandparents and not random strangers. I love my dc being close to their gps (even though inlaws drive me nuts and mil once introduced herself as Dd1’s mum when she was 3 - we dealt with that). She loves dc and that’s special (with boundaries but understanding on both sides that family norms do differ).

Mumsnet makes me feel like I live on another planet sometimes.

I assume you don't stay often at your parents, yet you're begrudging them an hour of time with their grandchild. He would surely cry if he were unhappy and they'd pop him back to you. It all feels very possessive.

My parents would do this too and I would LOVE it, as would my baby. I find it strange that you think grandparents wanting to cuddle their grandchild in bed is anything but a normal, loving thing to do at Christmas. As soon as baby wakes, I would feed them, then shout out to your Dad to collect him. Then I’d embrace the hour on my own to go back to sleep, chill out, go on my phone etc. My children are 4 and 7 and would run in to their grandparents for a cuddle.

If you don’t want it say so.

But, given you say you don’t have any concerns about them, I do think you are being slightly odd about this. Your baby will cry if he doesn’t like it, but he’ll probably be perfectly happy and it’s the start of building a relationship with his grandparents. He is a separate person to you and will have separate relationships.