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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants DC to save presents to she can watch them open them

164 replies

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:47

MIL and FIL are coming on Christmas Day. They've been invited for the full day but are coming at 1pm (fair enough that's their choice). They don't live far they could pop over on the morning if they want to but said they're not early risers. Our two DC are 3 and 5. MIL has asked us to save some of their Santa presents so they can watch them open them. I don't really want to do this - I don't want to "control" the kids joy on Christmas Day and we haven't got them loads so don't want the pile to look small on the morning. Plus I want them to have the full day to enjoy their gifts.

I think it's really selfish of them. I was caught off guard when she asked and said I don't think they'll be able to wait plus they can open the gift from her when she gets to us. She then asked the kids to save gifts for granny and they looked upset and said they didn't want to. She then said to us it's not much to ask and seeing that is the best part of the day.

WIBU to ignore all this?

OP posts:
minipie · 23/12/2022 20:49

YANBU. You’re saving the gifts that are from them, that’s all they can fairly expect.

Flurbegurb · 23/12/2022 20:49

Incredibly selfish (her). Crack on OP, I can barely get DS to wait til we've peed and put on our dressing gowns. The present from her, fine, everything else, nope.

Notaboutthebass · 23/12/2022 20:51

Fair enough they could wait to open PIL presents when they get there, but they shouldn't have to wait to open Santa's presents. At the end of the day it's up to your DC's. So YANBU.

ScottishBeth · 23/12/2022 20:51

I'm pretty sure when the children are that young they'll be desperate to open their presents from about 6 in the morning! Your in laws can't possibly expect them to hold off so long! If they want to see the DC open the presents they should go over earlier!

What does your partner say? Could you keep one biggish present back? Something you think they'll be excited about?

PinkiOcelot · 23/12/2022 20:52

What?! If she wants to see them open their gifts she gets her arse out of bed!

ChessieDarling · 23/12/2022 20:52

YANBU. Fair enough to save the gifts from
them but it’s unreasonable to expect littlies not to open their Father Christmas gifts in the morning, if that’s what you want to do as a family.

MilkyYay · 23/12/2022 20:52

Yeah I wouldn't really want to do this either. The excitement is waking up early to find father christmas has been.

I think its reasonable if your MiL has sent gifts for under the tree to wait until she arrives to open those, but not the santa stocking etc, especially as they're invited earlier.

If they are choosing not to because they aren't early risers, that's like asking kids to put adults wants first and run on very adult timing, which I think is odd at Christmas.

Original poster
MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:52

They're bringing their gift with them so the DC won't have that until the in laws get here.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 23/12/2022 20:53

YANBU and she is being ridiculous. She had her turn and she IS bringing presents to see them unwrap!

It is the best part but it's not up to her to dictate where/when it happens.

MintJulia · 23/12/2022 20:53

minipie · 23/12/2022 20:49

YANBU. You’re saving the gifts that are from them, that’s all they can fairly expect.

This

poefaced · 23/12/2022 20:53

YANBU. She will get to see them open the present from her, the silly bint.

Tell her no.

Redglitter · 23/12/2022 20:53

No way. She'll see them opening the presents from her. There's no way you could expect children that age to wait.

If she's that bothered she could come over earlier

pictoosh · 23/12/2022 20:53

Oh no that's dead selfish of her. If it's so important that she thinks everyone has to wait for her presence, she can get out of bed early doors or fuck off.

Blanketpolicy · 23/12/2022 20:54

Of course Yanbu

Tell your dh to tell her, yes it is the best bit and she got that with her kids and you now get to have it with yours. She can see them open her gifts instead. Then repeat or ignore if she mentions again.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2022 20:55

We’re grandparents. They’re massively unreasonable.
you have a camera, presumably?

SultanOfSwing · 23/12/2022 20:55

If she thinks it’s the best part of the day then she can jolly well get up to enjoy it. She’s totally unreasonable.

SomethingOriginal2 · 23/12/2022 20:56

YANBU if it was that important she can get out of bloody bed and come watch! You were kind to invite them at all.

Demento · 23/12/2022 20:57

Totally unreasonable of her! Crikey.

houseofboy · 23/12/2022 20:57

Ridiculous, we spread out presents through the day but first thing is stockings and presents from us no way are they waiting. After kick it's presents for other ppl who are with us that day plus friends etc.

Original poster
MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:58

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm so sick of the selfish requests from her and it upsets me because we have been desperate to make Christmas special for the kids and this suggestion threw me as I thought this would derail the whole day. Probably silly I know. DH was more laid back than me but did say he thought it was selfish of her.

What can I say when she inevitably makes a comment about it on the day?

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

OP posts:
Glitterandcard · 23/12/2022 20:58

Totally ridiculous. You want the Christmas morning joy? You get out of bed for it on Christmas morning.

Felicity42 · 23/12/2022 21:00

She's not their mother. You are the parents. But believe me you don't want them around there any earlier either. Or it'll have to be that way every year. Waiting for her to show up.

You and your DH and kids are a separate family with your own traditions. So stand your ground.

The inlaws can come later after the Santa stuff has been opened. That's a thing between kids and parents.

cansu · 23/12/2022 21:02

I would simply be blunt and breezy about it. If it is mentioned again say of course the kids will open their santa presents in the morning. If you want to come early to watch you are welcome or I will take a few pics for you. If she starts moaning just reiterate you are very welcome to come over early if you wish to.

Felicity42 · 23/12/2022 21:02

She sounds emotionally manipulative too, trying to make you feel bad if you don't do what she wants.

shreddies · 23/12/2022 21:04

Oh for gods sake. Completely unreasonable. Just ignore her and crack on

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