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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL wants DC to save presents to she can watch them open them

164 replies

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:47

MIL and FIL are coming on Christmas Day. They've been invited for the full day but are coming at 1pm (fair enough that's their choice). They don't live far they could pop over on the morning if they want to but said they're not early risers. Our two DC are 3 and 5. MIL has asked us to save some of their Santa presents so they can watch them open them. I don't really want to do this - I don't want to "control" the kids joy on Christmas Day and we haven't got them loads so don't want the pile to look small on the morning. Plus I want them to have the full day to enjoy their gifts.

I think it's really selfish of them. I was caught off guard when she asked and said I don't think they'll be able to wait plus they can open the gift from her when she gets to us. She then asked the kids to save gifts for granny and they looked upset and said they didn't want to. She then said to us it's not much to ask and seeing that is the best part of the day.

WIBU to ignore all this?

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 23/12/2022 23:28

PinkiOcelot · 23/12/2022 20:52

What?! If she wants to see them open their gifts she gets her arse out of bed!

This.

Natty13 · 23/12/2022 23:30

With people like this I always agree with whatever nonsense they are asking of me with absolutely no intention to follow through. Then just pretend I forgot ("so sorry! my head was all over the place getting ready for the day, have you tried this red pepper dip DH made, it's delicious!")

Highflow · 23/12/2022 23:34

Ignore her. My MIL had the same request a few years ago. I told her absolutely not.

JustLyra · 23/12/2022 23:35

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:58

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm so sick of the selfish requests from her and it upsets me because we have been desperate to make Christmas special for the kids and this suggestion threw me as I thought this would derail the whole day. Probably silly I know. DH was more laid back than me but did say he thought it was selfish of her.

What can I say when she inevitably makes a comment about it on the day?

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

"so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?"

”X’s mum and dad go round early doors to watch the grandkids open their pressies so the kids can get caught up in the excitement and not have to wait - that’s really thoughtful and kind, isn’t it?”

Mummyratbag · 23/12/2022 23:40

Kids that age can hardly stop themselves from opening other people's pressies let alone their own.. I'm ancient, but still remember practically shaking to open them whilst waiting for adults (who were staying) to get themselves sorted (dressing gowns etc). Ridiculous woman - it's not about her.

Ottersmith · 23/12/2022 23:49

Tell her to go fuck herself. I'm sick of twat MIL trying to live a new mother fantasy. I bet her kids could open their presents in front of just her in the morning, now as a mother it's your turn to enjoy that.

SkylightSkylight · 23/12/2022 23:49

@Babyboomtastic one of my godsons was like that. He'd want to play with each thing before opening the next one, it was frustrating for his Dad who was/is a paramedic because he often missed out on a lot if it, we used to save the 'best presents' for when his Dad was home, but hard to time!! One set of Grandoarents lived overseas, but often came over for Christmas & they tried to hurry him along 'as we don't want 'this mess'all day now do we?!' We just used to laugh & carry on playing with him.

Dibbydoos · 23/12/2022 23:53

Video the kids opening their presents and play it for her when she arrives....

chickbean · 23/12/2022 23:56

My kids are all teenagers, and even they woudn't wait.

Babyboomtastic · 23/12/2022 23:59

SkylightSkylight · 23/12/2022 23:49

@Babyboomtastic one of my godsons was like that. He'd want to play with each thing before opening the next one, it was frustrating for his Dad who was/is a paramedic because he often missed out on a lot if it, we used to save the 'best presents' for when his Dad was home, but hard to time!! One set of Grandoarents lived overseas, but often came over for Christmas & they tried to hurry him along 'as we don't want 'this mess'all day now do we?!' We just used to laugh & carry on playing with him.

It's it's because they seek instant gratification in many ways, but with Christmas they just take it slow. We have a sweets and chocolates table that they are allowed to help themselves to at Christmas. I have to remind them that they can have some if they want 😂

Glad to see mine aren't the only ones though. When I was a kid, our best present was saved for last, with our kids we have to put it on top or they probably wouldn't get it on Christmas day.

I do get the frustration of those that are limited with their time like the dad paramedic, but i think it's important for kids to do it how they like, and if that's slow, that's fine. I quite like how it prolongs the excitement tbh, and it makes the guests seem more appreciated. I'm not complaining, my even if FIL is.

Spookysparkles · 23/12/2022 23:59

minipie · 23/12/2022 20:49

YANBU. You’re saving the gifts that are from them, that’s all they can fairly expect.

Agree- save theirs back ok, but not any others! They can get out of bed and come over earlier if it’s that important

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 24/12/2022 00:02

They are unreasonable to try to dictate your Christmas morning. I would ignore them. As far as her taking care of her one toy as a kid, can you just say that is why you gave a toy to a local toy drove in her name. Then give her a hug and say she will not see her grandkids deprived ever. Tilt your head a bit.
Ok, not really. But she is unreasonable and self centered.

LoveBluey · 24/12/2022 00:08

Obviously MIL is unreasonable. Not only is it unfair on the kids to make them wait so long it then means you will inevitably miss lots of the fun as you'll be busy sorting out lunch / getting drinks and hosting. By doing the presents first thing you can focus on seeing them open them and then they can spend time playing with their new toys while you prep lunch.

JoanOfAllTrades · 24/12/2022 00:32

@MiseltoeAndWhine

Please don’t do this! It’s Christmas. I’m not even Christian but we still celebrate Christmas as we believe in the virgin birth and that Jesus was an important prophet!

Your parents are being so unreasonable. If they lived a 3 hour drive away, maybe I could understand asking, although I would still refuse but they could just jump in the car in their jammies and watch the kids open the presents and then go home and get ready. If the reason they can’t do this is because they’re having a night out on the lash, this is their problem, not yours.

If your parents want to watch the kids opening lots of presents, they need to buy more!

It’s ridiculous and unfair to make the children wait to open their gifts, especially when they don’t get heaps and heaps.

If you were a parent a là TikTok or the ones I’ve seen recently in the media, so proud that they spend thousands, with just a walkway left in the living room due to the sheer number of presents, I would say that perhaps you should consider saving a few, but in this scenario then no, your parents are being supremely selfish and I would rescind their invitation . (Ok, not really but I would totally want to do that!)

Vebrithien · 24/12/2022 06:57

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas morning, with your lovely family.

Another vote here, for reminding MIL that of she wanted to see the DGC opening their other presents, then she really should make the effort to get there early.

Our morning is different again, as we have always had family staying/visiting from a distance, so in a hotel). The DC will have their Santa present, and usually a present from us (or a small stocking). Then, everyone arrives about 10ish, and we do presents from GPs, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Boxing Day, we do a couple more presents from us, and then each day after they will have a few more presents.

I've never before though about how strange that is, it's just something we've fallen into. Mainly because PIL harp on about how much they get, or DP get them lots, so it would take all day to sit down and open.

Hey ho, nowt as strange as family!

Have a wonderful time, and Merry Christmas!

Crimsonripple · 24/12/2022 07:02

Oh just ignore her and do what you want to do. It's your family and your Christmas. She's already got you where she wants you, to feel bad/guilty, so push it aside and enjoy watching your children open their presents.

StickofVeg · 24/12/2022 07:43

We've always just given given gifts from us/Santa first thing on Christmas Day. Then if PILs or my parents were coming over the kids would open the gifts from their grandparents when they were there. I certainly wouldn't expect kids to wait on Christmas Day I think that's pretty unreasonable of her.

Wdib78 · 24/12/2022 07:45

Film it on your phone and sent it to her 😅

sjxoxo · 24/12/2022 07:47

They shouldn’t have already given you the gifts then.

You can’t give a gift then retain control over opening! That’s just ridiculous. She should just bring them at 3pm and if she’s already given them say oops sorry that’s kids! Also maybe the kids can tell her they opened it and loved it. Do you have to be the messenger? I’d let them tell her and thank her. Not really anything to do with you that way! Gift was theirs and given; currently you’re playing gatekeeper. I’d turn that role down!

ShandaLear · 24/12/2022 07:56

anythinginapinch · 23/12/2022 21:05

Good grief teaching them
Deferred gratification can only help them. Explain - these presents are from grannie and grandpa, so we'll
Wait until they come at lunch time to
Open them" will not fucking hurt your DC. Being able to control one's immediate urges is a life skill. Thinking of others is a social skill.

But they are opening their Christmas presents from Granny and Grandad later when they come round. Granny wants them to save presents from other people until later because she can’t be arsed getting out of her bed at a reasonable hour to enjoy the excitement of little kids opening their presents on Christmas morning. Surely Granny modelling positive behaviours by not being self centred and controlling can only help them in the long run.

hettie · 24/12/2022 08:06

You can wait to teach the 'delayed gratification' when is developmentally appropriate... Not at this age...
You need to rehearse some responses to the passive aggressive digs
"so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?"
Oh that's nice Xand Ys granny got up early especially so that she could see the kids open santa presents. Wasn't that thoughtful (big smile)
"children should learn to wait"
Yes it's such an important skill, the latest research suggests that the best way to help them learn is to play board games with turns from about age 4-5 onwards (true btw)t
they all get too much/I only got one present
that's ok granny if you find it uncomfortable/upsetting to see so much then we can find you a quiet space in another room

LovelyDaaling · 24/12/2022 08:13

When my FIL said the same to us, I said something like 'that isn't going to happen ' and it wasn't mentioned again! Just say no.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 24/12/2022 08:16

PinkiOcelot · 23/12/2022 20:52

What?! If she wants to see them open their gifts she gets her arse out of bed!

This! She's the selfish one. Ignore her OP.

userh79 · 24/12/2022 08:34

I was surprised by the replies because I was siding with MIL, not realising it was Santa presents she wanted to hold back, not her own 😂 cheeky mare.

Holly60 · 24/12/2022 08:41

PinkiOcelot · 23/12/2022 20:52

What?! If she wants to see them open their gifts she gets her arse out of bed!

This! If it's the best part of the day then it's no real hardship to just get up a bit earlier for it!

What a fool

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