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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants DC to save presents to she can watch them open them

164 replies

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:47

MIL and FIL are coming on Christmas Day. They've been invited for the full day but are coming at 1pm (fair enough that's their choice). They don't live far they could pop over on the morning if they want to but said they're not early risers. Our two DC are 3 and 5. MIL has asked us to save some of their Santa presents so they can watch them open them. I don't really want to do this - I don't want to "control" the kids joy on Christmas Day and we haven't got them loads so don't want the pile to look small on the morning. Plus I want them to have the full day to enjoy their gifts.

I think it's really selfish of them. I was caught off guard when she asked and said I don't think they'll be able to wait plus they can open the gift from her when she gets to us. She then asked the kids to save gifts for granny and they looked upset and said they didn't want to. She then said to us it's not much to ask and seeing that is the best part of the day.

WIBU to ignore all this?

OP posts:
Minikievs · 23/12/2022 21:26

YANBU.
It's completely selfish of her. If she wants to see them open their gifts, she could come early doors, which you've suggested. She's poo pooed that. So fuck her.
Christmas is about kids running downstairs to rip open their presents. Not quietly sitting in their Sunday best waiting for Granny to arrive.

catandcoffee · 23/12/2022 21:27

I think you're amazing to put up with her behaviour.
As a Granny myself I couldn't imagine requesting this.

To answer your question just say to her " no I don't want to do that "
If your partner doesn't back you.... send him back to live with her 😉

Floralnomad · 23/12/2022 21:29

Just ignore her , they will see the children opening the gifts they have purchased . If they want to see the entirety of present opening then they need to come over earlier .

thinkfast · 23/12/2022 21:31

"You're not expecting to spoil Xmas morning for all of us are you MIL, just because you couldn't be bothered to get here any earlier than 1pm. We want to watch DC open and enjoy their presents, rather than do it in a mad rush just before lunch."

Wetblanket78 · 23/12/2022 21:33

They can watch them it's called facetime or video call. If they're out of bed.

Derbee · 23/12/2022 21:34

Ignore her. When she says something about it just laugh and say “ha, little children just get too excited on Christmas Day to wait for X hours to open their presents” and ignore the rest of what she says.

Perfectly reasonable to say “you know you’re welcome to come over earlier if you really want to see them open everything”.

Also perfectly reasonable if she keeps making bitchy comments to say “gosh, you don’t sound like you’re enjoying this at all, would you prefer to skip Christmas at our house next year?”.

Christmas is about the children. Not the adults. On repeat.

Letsnotargue · 23/12/2022 21:35

“Surely you meant you wanted to
see them open the present from you, which is fine as you brought that with you.

Of course you can’t have meant that you wanted two small children to do half of Christmas Day with no presents? That would be madness!”

SnackSizeRaisin · 23/12/2022 21:35

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:58

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm so sick of the selfish requests from her and it upsets me because we have been desperate to make Christmas special for the kids and this suggestion threw me as I thought this would derail the whole day. Probably silly I know. DH was more laid back than me but did say he thought it was selfish of her.

What can I say when she inevitably makes a comment about it on the day?

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

Perhaps say something like "well Christmas isn't really about the presents of course. Seeing grandparents will be the best bit for them"

Or if that's too passive aggressive I would just go with a bland smile, shrug of the shoulders, and "each family does things differently I suppose"

To be honest young children may well get a bit overwhelmed with the presents and much better if judgey in laws aren't there if there are a few tears or over excitement! I definitely wouldn't encourage them to come earlier!

BungleandGeorge · 23/12/2022 21:36

I’ve always got my kids to save some presents until after lunch so that we can all relax and watch. They’ve managed to survive without any permanent emotional damage 😆 at those ages they get overwhelmed with opening presents pretty quickly anyway.
ultimately it’s your choice and not hers though

Ponderingwindow · 23/12/2022 21:37

She can watch them open the gift she brings. That is sufficient.

Asking children to temper their Christmas morning excitement is just mean.

anythinginapinch · 23/12/2022 21:38

Ooops. I do normally RTFT.
Absolutely do not wait for grandparents to open Santa /parent/everyone else gifts.

ivykaty44 · 23/12/2022 21:39

the children have to wait until xmas day to open their presents, to then wake on xmas day and (if your tradition is morning unwrapping) then its not on to change the goal posts.

tell MIL they are welcome to arrive for 6.30 for present unwrapping stuff, but otherwise it'll be a done deal by lunch time several hours later

they might not be early risers but could make an exception on xmas day for present unwrapping

HiKelsey · 23/12/2022 21:39

Just let them open them. We go to inlaws on boxing day and she opens her presents there. We say 'oh no santa delivered them to the wrong house'. In laws love it because they're late risers anyway and they get to see how excited she is that she has more presents to open

Namechangedbutnotsurewhy · 23/12/2022 21:41

This is hilarious I love it!!!

how ridiculous she didn’t even buy them the presents!! They’re nothing to do with her!!

Pantomcpancoface · 23/12/2022 21:42

Could they open their Santa presents in the morning and you keep their presents from you, DH and each other back until later? We’re seeing my in laws on Boxing Day and holding a few back for it. The kids won’t know we have those presents until Boxing Day so won’t know they’re waiting. I know you say you don’t have many presents but they’re 3 and 5 - they’ll be delighted with anything and everything on Christmas morning.

I don’t really understand people’s desires to turn a request about the day into an argument (not you OP, the responses you’ve got). That said, my MIL isn’t terribly demanding so maybe this is a more irritating request if it’s the tip of an iceberg.

Bluetrews25 · 23/12/2022 21:42

Ridiculous
At that age mine would have been up since about 0500 and all would have been opened swiftly. No way would I have wanted grandparents around at that time of day!
She's had her go as a parent to see all this.
She can watch them open her gifts. The rest, just no.

ivykaty44 · 23/12/2022 21:44

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

the children have waited all of December for the day to arrive when Santa has dropped off their presents, to then make little children who are so excited to wait longer is not going to happen any year - so either get yourselves out of bed on time or miss to on the fun

diamondpony80 · 23/12/2022 21:45

Of course not. Santa opening is early in our house and I wouldn’t want grandparents coming then either as we’re still in our pyjamas. We do record the kids opening their presents as some of the reactions have been priceless and would send a video to my parents. They’d never ask though, they had their time doing Santa with me and my siblings when we were growing up. This is YOUR time with your kids.

Elmer83 · 23/12/2022 21:47

I’d send her the responses from this thread! She’s being totally self absorbed and selfish. Ignore her…even better tell her to F off!

Flossflower · 23/12/2022 21:47

OP you have a lovely time with your children on Christmas morning. Please forget all about your MIL’s demands. She is being very selfish. This time of life when your children are young is very precious. We are grandparents and are going on Christmas Day for lunch. There is no way in the world I would expect any presents to be left unopened except the ones we are bringing.

grumpycow1 · 23/12/2022 21:48

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:58

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm so sick of the selfish requests from her and it upsets me because we have been desperate to make Christmas special for the kids and this suggestion threw me as I thought this would derail the whole day. Probably silly I know. DH was more laid back than me but did say he thought it was selfish of her.

What can I say when she inevitably makes a comment about it on the day?

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

I’d say ‘such a shame you couldn’t get up early on this one occasion, did you know that’s what my friends in laws did and was so kind of them’ 😂

Tallulasdancingshoes · 23/12/2022 21:50

This is absolutely bonkers. Your MIL is completely mad. Yes, save the ones specifically from them, but not the Santa ones. How ridiculous. If she wants to see then she needs to come round very early. If you give in this year it’ll become the norm. Stand your ground.

WonderingWanda · 23/12/2022 21:51

Do what ever you had planned. When she turns up and moans about it say 'Well, I did say they wouldn't be able to wait. They were so excited, you know what kids are like!' And then ignore her.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/12/2022 21:51

Wouldn’t be happening

i would go back, explain they are small children and so will be opening them in the morning. As an adult she is making the choice not to get up early this once to see them open the presents. So if she wants to see them she gets up, her choice

Adviceneeded200 · 23/12/2022 21:51

We used to wake at 4 in the morning and take them into mum and dad's bed and open them at that age!

No way.

Main presents, yes. In fact it's a nice idea to have some later in the day, but not stocking. They are designed to be fun in the middle of the night!

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