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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL wants DC to save presents to she can watch them open them

164 replies

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:47

MIL and FIL are coming on Christmas Day. They've been invited for the full day but are coming at 1pm (fair enough that's their choice). They don't live far they could pop over on the morning if they want to but said they're not early risers. Our two DC are 3 and 5. MIL has asked us to save some of their Santa presents so they can watch them open them. I don't really want to do this - I don't want to "control" the kids joy on Christmas Day and we haven't got them loads so don't want the pile to look small on the morning. Plus I want them to have the full day to enjoy their gifts.

I think it's really selfish of them. I was caught off guard when she asked and said I don't think they'll be able to wait plus they can open the gift from her when she gets to us. She then asked the kids to save gifts for granny and they looked upset and said they didn't want to. She then said to us it's not much to ask and seeing that is the best part of the day.

WIBU to ignore all this?

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 23/12/2022 21:04

I'd just retort with the classic "if so and so's parents jumped off a bridge, would we?" but I'm immature and petty.

notsorich · 23/12/2022 21:05

If it really was the best part of the day, she'd travel in the morning for it, no...?

anythinginapinch · 23/12/2022 21:05

Good grief teaching them
Deferred gratification can only help them. Explain - these presents are from grannie and grandpa, so we'll
Wait until they come at lunch time to
Open them" will not fucking hurt your DC. Being able to control one's immediate urges is a life skill. Thinking of others is a social skill.

StiggyZardust · 23/12/2022 21:05

My MIL was like this when DS was little, he's 20 now.
I found a breezy "that's nice for your friends, we're going to do think differently with our family" did the trick. And just keep smiling.
You and your husband decide what happens in your house.

cloddy01 · 23/12/2022 21:05

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:58

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm so sick of the selfish requests from her and it upsets me because we have been desperate to make Christmas special for the kids and this suggestion threw me as I thought this would derail the whole day. Probably silly I know. DH was more laid back than me but did say he thought it was selfish of her.

What can I say when she inevitably makes a comment about it on the day?

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

Can't you just say 'so and so's grandparents turn up in the morning at an appropriate time to watch the grandkids open their presents, isn't that thoughful and appropriate if them?' !!

Wrinklydinkly · 23/12/2022 21:06

Christmas is for the little ones, you can't make them wait any longer. You can ask your pil to compromise though,either get up early,or just watch them open the gifts they bring.easy.

Merryclaire · 23/12/2022 21:08

Tough luck - I would just get on with it. If you’re really that fussed about keeping the peace you could tell her that the kids got upset and couldn’t understand - because how on earth can you expect two little children to understand this kind of selfish request?

But personally I would be firm and turn it back round onto them - presents are at 8/9 (whenever suits you) if you want to see them open them, otherwise we’ll see you for lunch.

The not early risers comment is laughable.

maddy68 · 23/12/2022 21:09

It's fine ...you are over stressing

Unicorn717 · 23/12/2022 21:09

Fucking hell if she's that bothered she can get her arse up and make sure she's there when they want to open them!

They'll have the present to open from her when she gets there anyway so not sure what the problem is.

Christmas is for the kids. Just do what makes you and them happy.

35965a · 23/12/2022 21:10

Don’t even think twice about it, of course she’s being ridiculous. Just let your dc open their gifts and don’t even mention it or respond if she makes a comment later on.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 23/12/2022 21:12

I used to tell my mum kids are not allowed up until 7am as dp always told them if they went down before that the presents would disappear. Then it was breakfast. If she wanted to see them open presents we could drag it out until 8am but if she was not there the kids were diving in. Tell her they will open presents at what ever time you think reasonable and say if she believes it's the best part of the day then it's not unreasonable for her to get up early once in a year to be there.

Onedaytherewasapear · 23/12/2022 21:12

If she makes a comment, you just say back "you are/were always welcome to call around earlier on in the day when they were opening their presents" and leave it at that. Dont let her manipulate the narrative. She was invited but made a choice not to attend.

Slightlydustcovered · 23/12/2022 21:13

UANBU. That bit if the day is special and very early in the morning. Honestly I wouldn't even want her there early. it would totally change the dynamic of the kids pulling their stockings in to our room with MIL perched on the side of my bed...

Knittingnanny2 · 23/12/2022 21:13

I’m a MIL
Shes being ridiculous and unreasonable
I learned everything about how not to be a ridiculous MIL from mine - this is exactly the sort of thing she used to say.

Glitterandcard · 23/12/2022 21:14

anythinginapinch · 23/12/2022 21:05

Good grief teaching them
Deferred gratification can only help them. Explain - these presents are from grannie and grandpa, so we'll
Wait until they come at lunch time to
Open them" will not fucking hurt your DC. Being able to control one's immediate urges is a life skill. Thinking of others is a social skill.

Reading comprehension is also a life skill.

OP has already said they won’t be opening gifts from grandparents without them, indeed, the grandparents are bringing them with them. This is asking children to wait hours and spoil their and their parents Christmas morning joy simply to indulge the whims of a grandparent who’s not actually bought any of the presents concerned and just doesn’t want to in any way be inconvenienced. Sod that.

Knittingnanny2 · 23/12/2022 21:15

… and when she did watch them open them it was a constant stream of “ oh don’t they get a lot “ oh children these days have too much” etc

Unicorn717 · 23/12/2022 21:16

"If you want to see them open their presents you can come round earlier. I'm sure you can manage being an 'early riser' once a year."

Stopthebusplease · 23/12/2022 21:16

I would let them open the presents as soon as YOU are ready. Then when MIL inevitably makes the snide comment about why you didn’t make them wait, just say ‘Sorry MIL, but they’re very young children, who have been building up the excitement of Santa coming for weeks, and they simply couldn’t wait any longer for you to get out of bed and come round! If she tells you that you or the kids have been selfish, then say ‘I think you’re the one being selfish here, expecting them to wait at their age, maybe when they’re teenagers, but not before!’

Original poster
MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 21:16

@Knittingnanny2 I've already had that "they can't possibly have anything else left to get they have so much I only ever got one thing but at least I looked after it". That will be a constant stream on Christmas Day.

OP posts:
ColdHandsHotHead · 23/12/2022 21:20

anythinginapinch · 23/12/2022 21:05

Good grief teaching them
Deferred gratification can only help them. Explain - these presents are from grannie and grandpa, so we'll
Wait until they come at lunch time to
Open them" will not fucking hurt your DC. Being able to control one's immediate urges is a life skill. Thinking of others is a social skill.

BOLLOCKS

cathyj87 · 23/12/2022 21:20

anythinginapinch · 23/12/2022 21:05

Good grief teaching them
Deferred gratification can only help them. Explain - these presents are from grannie and grandpa, so we'll
Wait until they come at lunch time to
Open them" will not fucking hurt your DC. Being able to control one's immediate urges is a life skill. Thinking of others is a social skill.

You're having a laugh, right? They're 3 and 5, the youngest especially literally cannot control their impulses.
It's Christmas morning, of course they should get to open their santa presents first thing! OP already explained the grandparents would be bringing their present with them, theyre suggesting delaying the Santa presents because they can't be arsed getting out of bed. They had their parenting chance, Christmas is not about them. Your logic of "thinking of others" could easily be applied to the grandparents here too.

thecatsthecats · 23/12/2022 21:22

MiseltoeAndWhine · 23/12/2022 20:58

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm so sick of the selfish requests from her and it upsets me because we have been desperate to make Christmas special for the kids and this suggestion threw me as I thought this would derail the whole day. Probably silly I know. DH was more laid back than me but did say he thought it was selfish of her.

What can I say when she inevitably makes a comment about it on the day?

This is a bit of an issue for her - she always says "so and so's child saved the presents for the grandparents to see as it's the best but which is really thoughtful and kind - isn't it?" And says children should learn to wait and they all get too much. It can feel quite judgmental.

"Kind to the adults at the expense of the children. Not how we like to do Christmas."

reachforthebloodymary · 23/12/2022 21:23

TBH OP it was around when my DS was 3 or 4 we discovered he could climb over the child gates.

We discovered this at 4.30am on Christmas day as he was joyfully opening our presents, as he had opened his.

thenewduchessoflapland · 23/12/2022 21:25

They want to see the kids open the presents but won't come over Xmas morning?;fine she can watch via video call;problem solved.

Ttbhappy · 23/12/2022 21:25

Ignore or opps kids just got excited and opened them all!!!!