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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband lay on sofa when I shouted Help

313 replies

darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:36

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground.

As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong.

I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move.

AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

OP posts:
WhiteFire · 23/12/2022 10:05

donttellmehesalive · 23/12/2022 09:35

Did he properly swing into action once he knew you were hurt op?

I am just wondering whether he misunderstood and thought you were asking for help with something.

I am sure you've asked him by now why he didn't come, what reason did he give?

If he says "I didn't give a shit that you were hurt" or "you sounded hurt but I really wanted to watch the news" then I can see why you're upset.

If he saw how hurt you were and ignored you, I can see why you're upset.

If he thought you were calling someone to help you bring the washing in, then I think it's probably forgivable.

Yes, I agree with this. I have learnt over the years that dh's reaction to things is inversely proportional, the louder the yell, the less problematic. So I often don't move to the yells. I move to the crash and silence.

Runforthehills82 · 23/12/2022 10:07

Some really unpleasant and frankly bonkers responses here OP. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading long ago. In case you are still here, your OP behaved like a shit, I would be very hurt by that behaviour. Also, I would have called for help in the same situation.

GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour · 23/12/2022 10:10

Is any one else struck by the hypocrisy of all these posters coming on to the thread looking to stir up some drama and get some attention by accusing the OP of being dramatic and attention seeking?

Mixedupkids · 23/12/2022 10:11

GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour · 23/12/2022 10:10

Is any one else struck by the hypocrisy of all these posters coming on to the thread looking to stir up some drama and get some attention by accusing the OP of being dramatic and attention seeking?

Agreed doesn’t make sense

Comtesse · 23/12/2022 10:12

Have Minty Python invaded mumsnet? Between the “tis merely a flesh wound” crowd and the Four Yorkshiremen of the Apocalypse (“ankle? I laugh at the pain of a twisted ankle, I don’t even have an ankle”) I have rarely seen such a joyless bunch of unreasonable grumps! Got have a Baileys and stop being mean to other humans!

Yanbu OP, hope you are feeling better Flowers

NoddyHolderrr · 23/12/2022 10:24

WeepingSomnambulist · 23/12/2022 00:45

I've done similar. I just got up. It was a cut on your arm and you lay outside calling for help...

There are situations when you really do need to do that, but this wasnt one of those situations. Get up, get inside and get something to press against your cut.

I'm a single parent though and have been for 10 years, so it just doesnt occur to me to call for help. I just get on with things. Different if I had a bone sticking out in my leg of course.

As someone who also parents alone, get off your high horse @WeepingSomnambulist. so what if you’ve done similar and just laughed it off, sewer up your own wound and then rescued a baby from a burning building. The OP was hurt and shocked, she’s entitled to call her husband for help if she felt frightened and wanted support? The OP did what she felt she needed, just because you would do it differently doesn’t mean you are any better.

Crucible · 23/12/2022 10:26

How are you OP? Are you better from your fall? Sounded nasty. Best wishes.

Frabbits · 23/12/2022 10:30

Classic MN.

People literally gatekeeping how injured you have to be before calling for help is acceptable.

DH was an arsehole to ignore anyone shouting out for help.

katepilar · 23/12/2022 10:30

Of course its normal to shout for help.
His behaviour is absolutely shocking in my eyes.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 23/12/2022 10:31

He is a selfish twat.

Brefugee · 23/12/2022 10:41

“When things have calmed down over christmas you might want to decide if your twatty husband is someone you want to spend your life with and, more importantly, if he is a good role model for your son.”
that is what I was responding to. Ridiculous.

bollocks is it ridiculous, but i can see from the idiot responses here that men don't have to actually behave as though they're in a partnership and care about their wife calling for help. As OP said she has never done this before it is spectacularly twatty. If i had a son i wouldn't want him to grow up thinking this is how to behave in a partnership.

And i did say that OP might like to think about it. Who knows, maybe twat-husband has apologised and seen the error of his ways and won't do it again. In that case, fine, stay.

If it is a pattern of behaviour, then sure - go. Make better arrangements for your own life and that of your son. The good example here is setting good boundaries of what you expect from your DH and not putting up with sub standard men. It's not an out and out LTB which is usually a ridiculous suggestion (but not always)

as for "maybe it was something really good on TV"? fucking Norah.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 10:42

You just shouted "Help!"? No explanation just help...

How dramatic.

"DH I've fallen come help me!". Would probably have garnered more of a response?

poefaced · 23/12/2022 10:43

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 10:42

You just shouted "Help!"? No explanation just help...

How dramatic.

"DH I've fallen come help me!". Would probably have garnered more of a response?

She was in shock. Get some sympathy.

donttellmehesalive · 23/12/2022 10:45

Classic mn. We still don't know why he didn't come do we? I'm sure op asked him.

Gagaandgag · 23/12/2022 10:47

Is this just the tip of the iceberg op

poefaced · 23/12/2022 10:48

donttellmehesalive · 23/12/2022 10:45

Classic mn. We still don't know why he didn't come do we? I'm sure op asked him.

It’s in OP’s first post.

CompletelyConfusedMummy · 23/12/2022 10:52

Your husband definitely doesn’t care enough if he ignored your call for help. I’d be rethinking my marriage if I were you. Hope you feel better now.

purpledalmation · 23/12/2022 10:53

The important pointer to this is how he reacted when he saw you, blood and all? Was he shocked, mortified, sorry and helped you immediately? Or was he dismissive? Former it's ok, no big deal.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 23/12/2022 11:01

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 10:42

You just shouted "Help!"? No explanation just help...

How dramatic.

"DH I've fallen come help me!". Would probably have garnered more of a response?

What kind of shitty household do you live in where you can't just ask for help from someone who is lying around watching TV? You have to justify it. If you're bleeding and a bit shocked you're just going to want someone to fucking help not wait for them to assess whether you're injured enough to interrupt their bloody TV show.

diddl · 23/12/2022 11:05

What kind of shitty household do you live in where you can't just ask for help from someone who is lying around watching TV? You have to justify it.

Ikr.

Fucking hell.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/12/2022 11:05

I tripped down the last couple of stairs once, sprained my ankle. DH was there and I saw him go out the back door towards the garage .... I assumed he was off to the freezer for a bag of frozen peas or similar ..... a few minutes later, no sign of him, I hobbled to the window .... he was washing his car!

He's not usually so thoughtless, but that was very odd.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 11:06

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 23/12/2022 11:01

What kind of shitty household do you live in where you can't just ask for help from someone who is lying around watching TV? You have to justify it. If you're bleeding and a bit shocked you're just going to want someone to fucking help not wait for them to assess whether you're injured enough to interrupt their bloody TV show.

Show quote history

A sensible household? Jeez chill love. An explanation surely would prompt anyone into action much faster. Also basics of first aid are to, in fact, assess the situation before you help...

Brefugee · 23/12/2022 11:10

how could he assess the situation from the sofa?

DucklingDaisy · 23/12/2022 11:12

I don't think internalised misogyny is the cause of most of the nasty replies. I think it's people who basically hate their own husbands who don't remember or understand what a loving marriage looks like. That and the odd person bitter about having no partner to call for.

SweetPetrichor · 23/12/2022 11:12

I’d be very annoyed with that. My DP would probably be more likely to fall over in his haste to get up and run out! I couldn’t abide someone who has no care for my well-being.