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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband lay on sofa when I shouted Help

313 replies

darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:36

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground.

As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong.

I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move.

AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 23/12/2022 00:55

ErrolTheDragon · 23/12/2022 00:50

If not, do make sure you use loads of antiseptic on it, garden injuries can be bad for picking up infections.

Show quote history

That is true- I had an infection from soil that tracked up my arm- it was so painful.
SIL ended up in ICU in France a for a few days after falling and grazing her elbow on her way to work.
It is scary how infection can take root.

Original poster
darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:58

ErrolTheDragon · 23/12/2022 00:50

If not, do make sure you use loads of antiseptic on it, garden injuries can be bad for picking up infections.

Show quote history

Yes, I got 8 stitches and a shot to stop any infection. It was a pretty severe slice, my top was covered. Not just a small cut I overreacted about as some ppl are assuming

OP posts:
Geppili · 23/12/2022 00:59

He parentalised your young kid.

kimchifix · 23/12/2022 01:00

Well, I never really totally forgave my Mum for the time I broke my leg and was pinned to the floor with a paving slab on top of me and the neighbour came out before she did sooo no I don't think YABU. I would always go to someone shouting. And then get cross if it turned out not to be urgent and they had given me an adrenaline rush for no good reason!!

Pallisers · 23/12/2022 01:02

I really wonder what some posters on here truly think of men as a class. Have they met ANY decent ones. Do they just write off all men as terminally useless? your wife is in the garden, calls for help and you stay on the sofa and send the 8 year old - perfectly fine and wife is being way dramatic thinking a bleeding arm and hurt ankle should mean husband should get off the sofa. I cannot understand anyone who thinks like this.

If this was a post where the OP had her sister lying on the sofa who didn't respond to the Help! would anyone be saying "you are so dramatic" no. they'd be saying your sister is a lazy bitch and you should go low contact with her.

Honestly the expectations of men on this site are so low it is incredible.

ZiriForEver · 23/12/2022 01:02

YANBU.

If you feel you need help and your partner is in shouting distance, you should get it. Falling down and hurting definitely is a good enough reason.
(We are obviously not talking here about overuse or abuse of the help).

Some suggestions are ridiculous, you don't have to carefully plan and shout a proper explanation, the language has a perfectly valid word for asking for support. It is "help".

Whadda · 23/12/2022 01:03

Some weird responses. Seems some women have very low bars.

I’d be so upset if my husband injured himself and felt he couldn’t call for help lest I thought he was being dramatic.

TheHouseElf · 23/12/2022 01:03

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 23/12/2022 00:55

Sounds like your H doesn't care a jot for you. What a terrible example he is for your son. I'd seriously be considering my future with this man...

Got to say that's exactly my impression too reading this. Doesn't strike me that your H gave a damn about what had happened to you or could be arsed to find out. Hardly the response of someone who is meant to love you. Heartless.

FirstFallopians · 23/12/2022 01:05

You’re getting some really weird replies here, OP.

I’d be bolting out the door if I heard DH shouting for help, and wouldn’t think he was overreacting at all if he’d hurt himself in the way you had.

Brilliant for anyone who reckons they’d be able to just get on with it, but shock and fear does funny things to people and we don’t always react how we think we would.

Your DH sounds like a twat.

SirenSays · 23/12/2022 01:06

He sounds like a waste of space. I accidentally dropped a book and my DP heard the bang and checked I was OK.
You could have been in a seriously dangerous situation, why on earth did he think it was OK to send his child. I'd be questioning how much he cares for either of you.

ChestnutGrove · 23/12/2022 01:13

Yanbu that's crap and uncaring

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 23/12/2022 01:18

I know this isn’t the point of the thread, but actually, it kind of is, since you’re whinging about your drop-kick husband, but…..

There is something deeply incongruous about calling someone who clearly doesn’t give a shit about you, your ‘other half’.

The term ‘other half’ is awful at the best of times, but if that’s what you want to refer to each other as, it’s none of my business.

But he’s not your ‘other half’, is he? Because someone’s other half would be their absolute, destined-by-fate, perfect match.

And let’s face it, someone who can’t drag his sorry arse off the sofa to help his hurt and bleeding partner is not the stuff of star-crossed lovers.

AinmÁlainn · 23/12/2022 01:19

Your husband is an arsehole. I'm glad your ds was able to help (mine at 8 would absolutely have been able to help me up) and hope you're on the mend soon

froggedup · 23/12/2022 01:25

I don't like a lot of the replies here. If anyone in my family shouted for help, I'd be up off the sofa in an instant.

My sister once phoned me crying because she'd tripped over in the garden and rolled her ankle. It wasn't a serious accident but she was too shocked to get up straight away and needed a bit of comfort/reassurance afterwards, like most of us do when we've unexpectedly hurt ourselves. I'd be really upset in your situation, especially given your update about needing stitches and a shot.

Verbena17 · 23/12/2022 01:33

darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:36

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground.

As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong.

I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move.

AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

My Dh is quite similar to that.
i don’t often cry or shout for help, so if I really hurt myself, I would think he would come running to see what was wrong. But no, he just assumes I’m ok 😩.
He also when I ask for a favour, says ‘depends what it is’. He has never once in 22 years of marriage said something like ‘of course I can, what can I do to help?’. Grrrrrrrr

SiobhanSharpe · 23/12/2022 01:34

Eight stitches! That's a nasty cut that clearly needed medical attention.
Sorry, but your DH sounds like a complete arsehole. Has he apologised?
He should be very contrite (and ashamed, IMO.)

mathanxiety · 23/12/2022 01:43

Your husband is a twat.

mathanxiety · 23/12/2022 01:47

And I agree with everyone asking wtf is wrong with people here.

The man failed to exhibit the most basic element of care for another human being.

Is this complete lack of any form of care or interest in your wife considered acceptable?

User359472111111 · 23/12/2022 01:50

There are some really unpleasant people posting on this thread.

User359472111111 · 23/12/2022 01:51

darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:58

Yes, I got 8 stitches and a shot to stop any infection. It was a pretty severe slice, my top was covered. Not just a small cut I overreacted about as some ppl are assuming

Show quote history

You are not overreacting. My other half would have come running.

Morestrangethings · 23/12/2022 01:53

you are right to be annoyed by this. it was unkind and uncaring.

SomethingOriginal2 · 23/12/2022 01:56

YANBU people are being quite nasty I think.

My DH started doing this. You've just made me realise. We used to be the couple that came running when we heard a fall or anything, after DS was born and I actually really needed him he'd sit right next to me and ignore my pleas for help, or just stick an arm out with no strength which actually made it harder. For him this was a new abuse tactic.

I eventually realised and stopped going to him when he needed me too, the dramatic, staged falls were actually quite hilarious tbf

VioletPickles · 23/12/2022 02:00

Mine would be the same op, and it’s just so disappointing. You are right to be pissed off. Have you told him how shit it’s made you feel?

I’ve got flu at the moment and my 6 yr old had to beg my partner to ‘help her’ when I was vomiting uncontrollably the other day. Sad really.

Ilovehamandtoast · 23/12/2022 02:02

Is it a full moon with all three bitchy unnecessary replies? Mumsnet at its finest 😳

Your Oh is a dick. My husband would be off the sofa to come see if I need help. Absolutely.

ilovepuppies2019 · 23/12/2022 02:07

Bloody hell I'd be seriously questioning my relationship over this. I would go running for any family member or even just a neighbour. What kind of human being doesn't react to the scream of help let alone from your wife? I would really wonder what kind of a person he is OP and I'd it's worth continuing with a man who doesn't appear to care for you.