Page 11 | Husband lay on sofa when I shouted Help

darkbluenails · 2022-12-23T00:36:00+00:00

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground. As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong. I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move. AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

DucklingDaisy · 23/12/2022 12:32

katseyes7 · 23/12/2022 12:11

Years ago l slipped on our front path on my way to pick my husband up from work. Went flat on my back, and thought, oh god, l hope nobody's seen me... til l tried to stand up and nearly passed out from the pain.
Managed to crawl back into the house, phoned him at work, telling him what l'd done, and asked him to get someone to bring him home, l needed to go to hospital.
He finished his shift, didn't say a word to anyone at work, but phoned his sister in law. Who said she was waiting to collect their little one, so she'd be a while.
I lay on the sofa sweating from shock and cuddling our dog til he turned up two hours later.
Seemed to think l was making a fuss about nothing. I asked him to help me out to the car. He started shouting at me, "Well try and help yourself! Try and walk!"
I was passing out from the pain if l tried to put any weight on it.

We sat in A&E for four hours before l was seen and xrayed. He was still huffing (complaining he was hungry, he'd missed his tea) when the doctor came in with my xray plates. And announced l'd broken my ankle in three places and needed surgery. His face was priceless.
Me 'making a fuss about nothing' turned out to need two plates, nine screws, a week in hospital, and five months off work, including three months of physio so l could walk again.

If l heard someone calling for help, never mind someone l (supposedly) loved, l'd go to see if they were okay. Why wouldn't you? Even if it did turn out to be 'nothing'? I honestly can't understand why you wouldn't.

God I'm so angry on your behalf, did he at least have the decency to be very shamed and apologetic? Has he improved his behaviour since then?

Soothsayer1 · 23/12/2022 12:33

I would try to see this as a good thing, now you have seen his true colours, he doesn't have your back he doesn't particularly care about you he's just humouring you and keeping you sweet so that he can have an easy life.
That's very upsetting and disappointing but at least you, know don't put yourself out for him again.

Noonesperfect · 23/12/2022 12:36

tinselvestsparklepants · 23/12/2022 09:17

I do think your husband was mean. But if it makes you feel better in the summer I passed out in the garden by the kitchen window, I knew it was happening so I called out for help, DH didn't hear me, didn't see me go down and the only creature who did was the dog who came and dropped a tennis ball on me as I came round 🤣.

Hilarious 😂, this sounds just like my dopey dog !

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 12:44

SirenSays · 23/12/2022 12:27

Looks like we've found OPs husband.

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Yup. A logical comment so I must be a man 🙄.

BellePeppa · 23/12/2022 12:50

AutumnScream · 23/12/2022 12:13

This thread is so over dramatic. Theres no context to accurately judge.

Yes the op had a serious injury. Yes she was shocked. But someone shouting help from the garden and her husband not automatically running to help means very little. For one thing he didnt know she was hurt, for all we know being in shock her call for help didnt sound urgent or agonised and he may have assumed she was asking for help with garden work. He didn't bloody deliberately send his 8 year old into a bloodbath knowing thats what happened. So yes he was lazy but not necessarily malicious. How he behaved after finding out is way more important.

Personally I think the word Help shouted out should be enough for him to go and investigate.

Cannot believe some of the people on here.

katseyes7 · 23/12/2022 12:53

DucklingDaisy No, not at all. We divorced a few years later.
While l had my leg in plaster he accused me of 'doing it deliberately' to avoid having sex.

Facefail · 23/12/2022 12:56

No wonder so many women are in shit relationships when calling for help (and pretty sure OP must have sounded in distress given the accident) and the man not bothering to come to help is not interpreted as him being quite the wanker, but rather as her being 'dramatic.'

I despair. I really do.

Soothsayer1 · 23/12/2022 13:01

katseyes7 · 23/12/2022 12:53

DucklingDaisy No, not at all. We divorced a few years later.
While l had my leg in plaster he accused me of 'doing it deliberately' to avoid having sex.

Appalling🤬
although he is inadvertently insulting himself there... Can you imagine how bad at sex a man would have to be for you go to the lengths of breaking your own limbs to avoid it😱

C8H10N4O2 · 23/12/2022 13:01

Mixedupkids · 23/12/2022 08:49

Pronounce on a op??
Did you take the time to read my advice to op??
Far better than your divorce advice. People are human. They make mistakes. You’ll end up very lonely with your attitude to cut people off after one small error.

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I didn't give divorce advice, nor did @Brefugee - you brought divorce into the debate.

I don't think its me who has trouble with reading comprehension, hun.

HAND!

Soothsayer1 · 23/12/2022 13:05

Mostly men will prioritise themselves, they will help the woman if she is useful to him because she needs to be kept in good working order so that she can serve his needs.
When she is no longer his subordinate, when she works for herself, earns her own money rather than working for free for him he does not see the need to keep his 'domestic appliance' in good working order
thus he does not get up from the sofa

NeedToChangeName · 23/12/2022 13:09

Geppili · 23/12/2022 00:59

He parentalised your young kid.

But he didn't know what the problem was, and asked 8 year old to check. I think that's OK. OP might have just wanted someone to pass an item to her

If OP was so badly injured, I don't understand why she didn't ask the child to go back in the house and fetch Dad / her DH

pompomdaisy · 23/12/2022 13:10

Thought I was watching the Megan and Harry documentary again for a minute!

katseyes7 · 23/12/2022 13:13

Appalling🤬
although he is inadvertently insulting himself there... Can you imagine how bad at sex a man would have to be for you go to the lengths of breaking your own limbs to avoid it😱

Well, quite. We were going to Relate before/after l broke my ankle, and l told our counsellor he'd said that. Her face said it all.

Mumsanetta · 23/12/2022 13:22

I complain about my husband as much as the next person but some of these threads make me appreciate him so much more. We have a running family joke that I am overly dramatic but even so he would run to me if I yelled help. Turns out I can put up with him leaving his coat hanging anywhere else but the coat cupboard and vacuuming but never returning the vacuum to it’s home and eating any chocolate that’s left unattended if this is what would be waiting for me post divorce!

Obki · 23/12/2022 13:27

Isn’t that one of the benefits of marriage/relationship? Someone to make a fuss of you when you hurt yourself or are ill?

It’s not just kids who like it to be kissed better. I get wrapped up in sympathy when I stub my toe and do the same.

donttellmehesalive · 23/12/2022 13:27

I just think he heard the word 'help' and sent dc to find out what you needed help with.

What did he say when you asked why he didn't come?

What did he do when he saw you were injured?

Mumsanetta · 23/12/2022 13:28

Soothsayer1 · 23/12/2022 13:05

Mostly men will prioritise themselves, they will help the woman if she is useful to him because she needs to be kept in good working order so that she can serve his needs.
When she is no longer his subordinate, when she works for herself, earns her own money rather than working for free for him he does not see the need to keep his 'domestic appliance' in good working order
thus he does not get up from the sofa

Christ, where did you get this from? I (and, incidentally, all of my friends) earn more than our husbands, have never been subordinate to them and while they are not perfect and we all have gripes they are nothing like you describe! Starting to feel like I should start a dating service for women that includes an introduction on what a decent bloke looks like.

georgarina · 23/12/2022 13:40

Mixedupkids · 23/12/2022 09:58

Perhaps I am a mix of evil, odd and unpleasant. I’m okay with that.

Weird thing to be ok with. It doesn't make you sound cool. More like someone who would have cheered at a hanging in the Middle Ages.

Twilight7777 · 23/12/2022 13:41

YANBU. Your husband should be ashamed of himself! I’ve fallen over a few times, either badly cut my leg or landed in a way that caused shock or pain (or both) and both times my close relative has come running to check I’m ok or not, and tried to help if they could. Not married but would consider leaving someone for not checking I was ok after a scream. Unless it was accidental and they didn’t hear me of course.

NoddyHolderrr · 23/12/2022 13:49

Mixedupkids · Today 09:58
Perhaps I am a mix of evil, odd and unpleasant. I’m okay with that.

Pick me, pick me, pick meeeeeee! Pleeeeease!

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 13:51

GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour · 23/12/2022 10:10

Is any one else struck by the hypocrisy of all these posters coming on to the thread looking to stir up some drama and get some attention by accusing the OP of being dramatic and attention seeking?

😂Yup

& given your username, you know why they feel the urge ...

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 14:01

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/12/2022 11:32

"HELP! I've fallen and twisted my ankle. It's really, really painful and I'm on the point of fainting - it might even be broken, and I can't stand up. I've also impaled my arm on a filthy, sharp piece of wood and there is blood all over so it must be quite deep and I feel sick with pain and shock!

"Would you mind pausing <whatever sh*te you are watching> please, and coming out to help me back into the house.

"Only if it's not a particularly gripping part of the narrative, obviously"

🤔

Yes - runs trippingly off the tongue, doesn't it?

THAT is what you should have said OP.

😁Well put, Emotional.

Should be able to yell most of that before bleeding out.
If you failed to notice that you are pumping gouts arterial blood between sentences, that's on you, lightweight. Stop fussing & die quietly.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 14:08

AutumnScream · 23/12/2022 12:13

This thread is so over dramatic. Theres no context to accurately judge.

Yes the op had a serious injury. Yes she was shocked. But someone shouting help from the garden and her husband not automatically running to help means very little. For one thing he didnt know she was hurt, for all we know being in shock her call for help didnt sound urgent or agonised and he may have assumed she was asking for help with garden work. He didn't bloody deliberately send his 8 year old into a bloodbath knowing thats what happened. So yes he was lazy but not necessarily malicious. How he behaved after finding out is way more important.

You are ill-named to pretend not to know the difference between a scream of "HELP!" & a generic request for assistance.

Besides, on what planet, when you want help with a task, does anyone yell "Help!", instead of "Oy Derek, come & pass me the screwdriver?"

The faux-incomprehension of PP's pretending otherwise is so obvious.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 14:10

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 12:44

Yup. A logical comment so I must be a man 🙄.

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Nope. A logical comment so you must be a similarly heartless bastard.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 14:12

katseyes7 · 23/12/2022 12:53

DucklingDaisy No, not at all. We divorced a few years later.
While l had my leg in plaster he accused me of 'doing it deliberately' to avoid having sex.

I hope when the cast finally came off you beat him round the ears with it.
Congrats on being free of a selfish sex pest.