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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband lay on sofa when I shouted Help

313 replies

darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:36

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground.

As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong.

I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move.

AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

OP posts:
SnowlayRoundabout · 23/12/2022 22:25

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 23/12/2022 11:06

A sensible household? Jeez chill love. An explanation surely would prompt anyone into action much faster. Also basics of first aid are to, in fact, assess the situation before you help...

Would it? Or would the fact that the person is unable to compose a ful, well-turned sentence explaining the situation and why she needed your help alert you to the fact that it could be quite serious? I don't know about you, but when I'm shocked and in pain, I'm not at my most logical or articulate.

Suppose OP had been concussed, or had had her teeth knocked out so that she couldn't really enunciate anything more than "Help". Is it OK for her husband to lie there thinking "She must be OK, she's not demanding that I come and help her get up or stem any bleeding"?

3luckystars · 23/12/2022 22:53

I’d like to know what happened too.

Some people are useless in an emergency situation but are lovely before and after.

if he apologised and felt bad afterwards and helped you, then that would change things.

Duchess379 · 24/12/2022 00:05

Your hubby is a complete lazy shit. If it helps, I fell over in the loft a year ago & was screaming for help & no one came. I managed to get myself up after 20 minutes, without going through the rafters & confronted my parents who said 'oh, we did hear something but didn't think much of it..'
You're not alone, op, you're not alone 💞

Carlycat · 24/12/2022 00:59

OH is an uncaring twat. Imagine spending the rest of your life with that useless POS

Mixedupkids · 25/12/2022 02:52

This thread has made me realise how funny mental and crazy us females are!! Merry Christmas!!

Emotionalsupportviper · 25/12/2022 07:51

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 14:12

Flowers I hope when the cast finally came off you beat him round the ears with it.
Congrats on being free of a selfish sex pest.

To be fair - he does sound the sort of tw*t you'd break a leg to avoid having sex with, so if @katseyes7 had employed this novel (if agonising) method of contraception, it would be perfectly understandable . . .

Emotionalsupportviper · 25/12/2022 07:51

KettrickenSmiled · 23/12/2022 14:12

Flowers I hope when the cast finally came off you beat him round the ears with it.
Congrats on being free of a selfish sex pest.

To be fair - he does sound the sort of tw*t you'd break a leg to avoid having sex with, so if @katseyes7 had employed this novel (if agonising) method of contraception, it would be perfectly understandable . . .

Emotionalsupportviper · 25/12/2022 07:52

Sorry for doubler - don't know how that happened.

katseyes7 · 26/12/2022 13:53

To be fair - he does sound the sort of twt you'd break a leg to avoid having sex with, so if @katseyes7 had employed this novel (if agonising) method of contraception, it would be perfectly understandable . . .*

Well, he was. Clearly. And my usual method of contraception was out of the question (they told me l had to come off the pill due to risk of blood clots as l was going to be virtually immobile for six weeks while the cast was on) so that was a blessed relief, to be honest. Perfect excuse, really.

JoanOfAllTrades · 27/12/2022 00:35

ButterflyOil · 23/12/2022 07:55

Quite honestly, i’ve noticed a serious uptick (long time user, regular name changed) in the amount of ‘men’s perspective’ posts here in the last few months - in terms of being very misogynistic in the replies.

The relationships board is often filled with very nasty responses, especially on dating threads or threads about people being unhappy in their marriage and looking to leave. A LOT around women over certain ages or with children being ‘low value’ or expecting too much from me .

I really do wonder whether a lot of disgruntled men from other sites are making accounts so they can make these sorts of comments.

@ButterflyOil

For some reason, I didn’t realise that you had replied to my post!

I think that we’ve hit the nail on the head! It’s great that men feel able to have a voice, if they state that they are a man. But I suspect, as you rightly point out, that men are posting, pretending to be women! And that undermines the whole point behind Mumsnet as being a place for women to come and get advice.

I do however still believe that there are a lot of women who have internalised misogyny simply by virtue of the fact that this is how much of society is framed. Men (and boys) are able to still call women awful names such as tart, whore, C—t, and very few women call them out. In coeducational schools, some boys still, in some circumstances, act in very verbally aggressive ways towards the girls, with the excuse boys will be boys, given to excuse the boys in question from taking personal responsibility.

When children witness unequal gender roles at home, this leaves unconscious imprints in them, which they then carry into educational and social settings.

We are not able to say women are equal to men when they are paid less, still do the bulk of the work at home, even if it’s just cooking and doing life admin because they have cleaners (usually women), still responsible for childcare (even if childminders or at nursery’s), still responsible for school catering and cleaning, the bulk of lollipop people are still female, there is a disparity in professional settings such as the armed forces and the police, with the majority being male, nurses are still predominantly female and so the list goes on!

I’m sure lots of posters will be along to tell me that I’m wrong, but although I’ve seen many changes in my life (including VCR’s, colour photographs being more available, the loss, which I’m still mourning of the Polaroid camera, etc., etc.,), I still don’t consider that equal opportunities has really caused equality in people’s minds! And that is where the battle is, to get people believing and actually wanting to make females equal to males!

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 27/12/2022 01:10

He sounds like a lazy uncaring man and he should have went outside to see if you were ok, I would also be furious. Ignore the horrible posters who are just on here to argue. Hope you are ok now and hope your lazy husband has shown some bit of a caring side. What is wrong with him, is he usually selfish and shows no empathy or caring side towards others?

billy1966 · 27/12/2022 10:42

JoanOfAllTrades · 27/12/2022 00:35

@ButterflyOil

For some reason, I didn’t realise that you had replied to my post!

I think that we’ve hit the nail on the head! It’s great that men feel able to have a voice, if they state that they are a man. But I suspect, as you rightly point out, that men are posting, pretending to be women! And that undermines the whole point behind Mumsnet as being a place for women to come and get advice.

I do however still believe that there are a lot of women who have internalised misogyny simply by virtue of the fact that this is how much of society is framed. Men (and boys) are able to still call women awful names such as tart, whore, C—t, and very few women call them out. In coeducational schools, some boys still, in some circumstances, act in very verbally aggressive ways towards the girls, with the excuse boys will be boys, given to excuse the boys in question from taking personal responsibility.

When children witness unequal gender roles at home, this leaves unconscious imprints in them, which they then carry into educational and social settings.

We are not able to say women are equal to men when they are paid less, still do the bulk of the work at home, even if it’s just cooking and doing life admin because they have cleaners (usually women), still responsible for childcare (even if childminders or at nursery’s), still responsible for school catering and cleaning, the bulk of lollipop people are still female, there is a disparity in professional settings such as the armed forces and the police, with the majority being male, nurses are still predominantly female and so the list goes on!

I’m sure lots of posters will be along to tell me that I’m wrong, but although I’ve seen many changes in my life (including VCR’s, colour photographs being more available, the loss, which I’m still mourning of the Polaroid camera, etc., etc.,), I still don’t consider that equal opportunities has really caused equality in people’s minds! And that is where the battle is, to get people believing and actually wanting to make females equal to males!

Complete agree.

I have lost count of the number of times that I read a post and don't believe it was written by a woman, and that on a site where so many woman do have very low expectations of men and how they behave.

labazslovesliving · 27/12/2022 10:45

typical man but if it had been him he would have expected the wife to come running with a full set of paramedics and full first aid kit

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