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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband lay on sofa when I shouted Help

313 replies

darkbluenails · 23/12/2022 00:36

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground.

As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong.

I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move.

AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

OP posts:
ThreeLocusts · 23/12/2022 06:03

I have a dodgy ankle too. Sometimes when I fall it takes several minutes for the affected leg to resume service, so to speak. I've found myself on my arse on the kerb cursing, trying to be inconspicuous.

The people here who say 'don't be so dramatic' clearly have no idea. OP probably gets up without fuss on a regular basis, but wanted help to do so quickly this time because of the cut.

Of f.ing course she could expect prompt help from her husband, in person!

stoptheasshat · 23/12/2022 06:05

Beanbag - time for a new rule in your house - if you cook, you don't lay the table! Or wash up for that matter.
If you have sons, you need to start some serious domestic training so they don't end up like OPs husband.
No helping, no feeding!
Btw I feel like your pain! If my children spent less time challenging requests for little jobs to be done and 10 seconds to actually do them, my world would be a lot more peaceful!
OP, wishing you a speedy recovery. Is he looking after you at all?

Noonesperfect · 23/12/2022 06:09

DaftyInTheMiddle · 23/12/2022 05:42

I once cut my entire arm off and didn’t shout for help OP so you’re obviously a drama queen.

Or, back in the real world. You cut your arm, saw a fair bit of blood and we’re in shock, also after rolling your ankle which, as someone with weak ankles can attest, that’s all it takes for a massive sprain / break sometimes.

I could be shocked at some of the replies but not surprised looking at the usernames, same typical mouthpieces 🙄

Lol this made me laugh, the entire arm bit 🤣. People on here would probably say " Well you've got another arm to pick it up with, stop making such a fuss!"
YANBU OP

Weatherwax13 · 23/12/2022 06:10

He's an absolute git. Awful attitude to both you and your boy.

JoanOfAllTrades · 23/12/2022 06:15

Pallisers · 23/12/2022 01:02

I really wonder what some posters on here truly think of men as a class. Have they met ANY decent ones. Do they just write off all men as terminally useless? your wife is in the garden, calls for help and you stay on the sofa and send the 8 year old - perfectly fine and wife is being way dramatic thinking a bleeding arm and hurt ankle should mean husband should get off the sofa. I cannot understand anyone who thinks like this.

If this was a post where the OP had her sister lying on the sofa who didn't respond to the Help! would anyone be saying "you are so dramatic" no. they'd be saying your sister is a lazy bitch and you should go low contact with her.

Honestly the expectations of men on this site are so low it is incredible.

It’s not that the bar for husbands is set so low as to be in the Mariana Trench but rather the internalised misogynism that all the posters will deny that they have!

A cut that requires hospital attention and 8 stitches is not someone being dramatic! It is someone being shaken because they fell due to a weak ankle, cut their arm which then heavily bled and were in shock and unsure as to whether the weakened ankle would then support them!

The posters that say dramatic should ask themselves whether they would react differently in the same situation knowing that someone is in the house who could help them!

Sometimes I wonder if we are all just being trolled or gas lit by a bunch of men in disguise!

Beanbagtrap · 23/12/2022 06:16

stoptheasshat · 23/12/2022 06:05

Beanbag - time for a new rule in your house - if you cook, you don't lay the table! Or wash up for that matter.
If you have sons, you need to start some serious domestic training so they don't end up like OPs husband.
No helping, no feeding!
Btw I feel like your pain! If my children spent less time challenging requests for little jobs to be done and 10 seconds to actually do them, my world would be a lot more peaceful!
OP, wishing you a speedy recovery. Is he looking after you at all?

In fairness my DS is very helpful, as is DD and usually DH. I shouted through two doors and they had the TV on so not sure they heard me..but I still felt pissed off 😂

stoptheasshat · 23/12/2022 06:29

Bean, you sound like you're on top of it! I'm awaiting the "what can I do to help" question .... I keep suggesting it!
DH can be an arse but he's incredibly good at domestic drudgery and is actually at the supermarket now getting Christmas food and I'm in bed (I'm wfh today and he's on holiday but wanted to beat the crowds)
OP - I'm now out-earning my husband. You can do it- and self belief will help get you there!

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 23/12/2022 06:32

I would leaped up to help if I saw this happen to a stranger in the street, let alone my partner. I find his response utterly incredible. Unless there's something you're not telling us..?

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 23/12/2022 06:36

Bloody hell! I'm sure if OP was a single parent she would manage to get herself up without help. She would also manage to do all the housework and childcare alone and would get by without any love and support at all. However OP isn't a single parent, she has a partner available who was sitting on the couch doing fuck all so she shouldn't have to do everything on her own.

Maray1967 · 23/12/2022 06:39

Your husband is vile. You needed help and he basically ignored you. Mine came running the one and only time I shouted for help.
And yes, there are some very weird replies here.

Thefriendlyone · 23/12/2022 06:43

I am also a little bemused about laying there shouting help. I can’t lie. Why didn’t you call his name or shout the issue. And as much as the cut sounds bad, clearly you were able to get up and walk. Unless you’re tiny and an eight year old can lift you up to your feet and bring you in.

the blood bath you describe is quite excessive for something that only needed 8 stitches and was on your arm , an area that generally doesn’t cause the blood bath you describe unless at a main artery.

I think that’s what’s causing the responses. It sounds like you’ve a flair for the dramatic .

hope you’re ok now Though.

3luckystars · 23/12/2022 06:44

I agree.
Everyone knows you should not call an ambulance unless you are actually dead for at least an hour, and shouting for help is dramatic.

girlmom21 · 23/12/2022 06:49

I don't think him sending DS to see what was wrong was a massive issue. I wouldn't have let DS get me up, I'd have asked him to tell his dad he's hurt.

For all he knew your just wanted a trowel passed to you that you've left too far away. If you'd have shouted "DH, I've fallen/hurt myself" he'd have probably come straight out.

BeechOak · 23/12/2022 06:51

Nasty replies on here. I recently rolled my ankle and it was agonising. I was definitely glad to have someone there to help me up and to lean on. No doubt there are worse pains in the world but who said it was a competition?

The OP called got help because she knew her husband was there. If she’d been alone, I’m sure she’d have found a way to help herself back into the house. But that’s hardly the point, is it?

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 23/12/2022 06:52

@aurynne I am grateful to other women for taking absolutely uncaring, helpless, useless and lazy men out of the dating pool and putting up with them. I don't understand why on earth anyone would have a relationship with such pieces of work, but at least that will leave fewer of them out there to waste my time on.

This with bells on ^

CornishTiger · 23/12/2022 06:53

This would be a deal breaker for me.
Start getting things in order to separate.

I'm independent and capable but don’t we all want a partner we can rely on in an emergency to date and support us?

3luckystars · 23/12/2022 06:53

Also, when we were in school they taught us to shout ‘fire’ in an emergency because lots of people don’t reply to ‘help’ but most people would to a fire.
I don’t know if I’d actually remember that in an emergency though!

FabFitFifties · 23/12/2022 06:54

YANBU - my partner pays little attention to anything else if watchng TV, can be moody and ignorant, but I'm 100 % confident he'd respond instantly in this scenario.

Homealonee · 23/12/2022 06:58

I'm surprised by some of the replies to this. Whether it's dramatic or not, my husband would have checked on me if I'd shouted him without a doubt.

He'll usually shout up 'everything alright?' if he hears me drop something upstairs or whatever! Isn't this just what a normal couple would do?

autienotnaughty · 23/12/2022 07:01

@Aprilx you didn't hurt your ankle as well then? It's not a pissing contest. She needed help , she used the appropriate word. Her husband is a dick fir not responding.

RudeElfTheRainDear · 23/12/2022 07:05

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/12/2022 02:17

This thread is a typical example of AIBU at its worst. Certain pp scrabbling around to pick apart the Op just to get some weird pleasure from sticking the boot in.
Ridiculous.

Totally agree.

It doesn't even have to be the word HELP. If I hear anyone I love yell out in pain or surprise I would go to see what is wrong.

They do not have to NEED my help to get back up after falling in order to be offered it.

Anything less is not love, to me.

FeetupTvon · 23/12/2022 07:05

These replies are so unkind.
we don’t know how much blood there was and we don’t know how painful the ankle was.
You're all so judgemental… where’s the kindness??
Back to your original question, yes, I’d be very annoyed. He didn’t know why you were calling for help so the very least he could have done was get up and look!

FourTeaFallOut · 23/12/2022 07:06

I'm pretty certain yelling 'fire' was recommended as a tactic to cut through the bystander response if you were being attacked not to mobilise your lazy arsed callous shit of a husband off the couch when you are in pain having fallen in the garden- for that you need to yell, 'Holy fuck, I've just found a shit load of money!'

DucklingDaisy · 23/12/2022 07:13

He doesn't care about you. For all he knew it was something very, very serious and he's shown his true colours. I'd find it pretty hard to get over this. Maybe if he was really apologetic and seemed genuinely regretful.

HarvestThyme · 23/12/2022 07:14

Yanbu - you shouted for help and he should have been out the door like a shot to help you. It's a very basic expectation from your life partner. Who heard you. And sent your young child to attend an emergency!

If dh had shouted for help, and I found him with a bloody gash on his arm and a twisted ankle, I would not have considered that he had overreacted.

I hope that you are feeling better, OP.