Husband lay on sofa when I shouted Help

[darkbluenails]

This has been bugging me all week. A few days ago I was in the back garden alone, went over on my ankle and fell against a sharp bit of wood causing my arm to bleed quite badly and me end up in a pile on the ground.

As I fell I shouted, then I lay on the ground shouting help. OH was just on the other side of the door watching telly, instead of getting up he told our 8 year old to go see what I wanted. 8yo came out and got upset as saw all the blood which by now was all over my top. He helped me up, hobbled inside and OH still lying on the sofa, no effort at all to see what was wrong.

I'm so angry as he heard me, I've never shouted Help before so it's not like a Peter cries wolf regular thing and he must havev heard the urgency in my voice. When I asked why he didn't come out he said "I didn't know why you were shouting". WTF?! As if I would have to inform him what my emergency would be for him to move.

AIBU being annoyed about this? I could have been lying with an artery severed for all he knew.

At that point, when your 8 year old appeared, it would have made more sense to tell them to go and fetch dh because you can’t get up. After all, your dh did send him out to see what was wrong. Why did you not do that?

That’s exactly what would have happened in my house!! Go tell dad mummy hurt!! Quick!! I’d also be shouting things neighbours wouldn’t like lol 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

ODFOD. Did you fall and also hurt your ankle?

As I know from recent experience, when you fall and hurt yourself, it is not just the obvious injury from the fall you are dealing with - your knees and hands almost certainly take the brunt of the fall so they hurt and may be sprained or grazed, you may be winded, you are in shock, and generally feel as if you had been kicked all over. Cutting your hand quite badly on its own is also unpleasant, but hardly comparable.

1. He didn't care enough to see what was wrong himself
2. He willingly sent his 8yo into a situation that was probably highly distressing without any concern for their well-being

Your 'DP' sounds a real catch OP. I'd be questioning the future of this relationship tbh. Has he expressed any remorse since this episode.

If you’re not happy with his response tell him rather than posting your odd story on here

Would you want your 8 year confronted by the sight of their mother bleeding to death? Whether they'd be capable of helping or not is irrelevant. Her husband is the person who is supposed to love and care for her the most but he didn't inconvenience himself even a little bit for her.

Interesting reading back the Trolling starts straight away when the op posts around midnight then most of the sensible, humaine replies come in around 7am.

Possibly one who doesn't want their kids to grow up thinking "Dad's a lazy arse who sat and watched the telly rather than lift a finger to help his supposed life partner who has fallen and gashed her arm, needing hospital treatment and stitches".

I wouldn't want my DC to be that person either.

As PP says - the standards for men on this site have descended below the Marina Trench.

The OP had an accident and called for help to the person supposedly vowed to mutual support. I think if she was Monty Python's Black Knight she would have mentioned.

Mumsnet has become such a nasty place in the last year. I can’t decide whether it’s post-pandemic cynicism, an infiltration of trolls or a combination of the two.

I’m sorry you were hurt op, and sorry that your dh is such a let down. Those kind of moments in a marriage, when you see what your partner actually is, instead of who you think they are, are incredibly jarring and painful. I wish you well in whatever direction you choose to move on from this.

Well, let me see. Maybe because she was shocked, bleeding and in pain, and not sitting comfortably behind a keyboard?

The point is the OP called for help and he sent their child out to investigate instead of checking for himself. It doesn’t matter if she could get up or not that is not how a husband should react to his wife’s call for help.

Ohh I do beg your pardon!
I didn’t realise the orignal
poster required hospital treatment and stitches. I must have missed that? My apologies!

Regardless, my thoughts are the same. I do not agree that divorce because a partner didn’t respond to this garden catastrophe is appropriate. Perhaps whatever he was watching was a really good bit he’d been waiting for. I’m sure that’s forgivable.
Thank goodness it’s illegal to chop off one’s head nowadays 🙏

I've noticed that the middle of the night does tend to bring out the real arseholes. You have to wonder whether people do it deliberately knowing that at that time they are less likely to be called out quickly, and because it might influence the immediate further responses.

Bridge toes of cruelty out and about. Weird fails, some humans.

💐OP. I’d have yelled for help and been entirely correct to do so. Blood goes everywhere unless someone helps. Hope you feel better soon. Awful for you. New year, new boyfriend.

I had a fairly free range childhood and also played a very injury prone sport so I've limped stoically home with some right nasty injuries on many occasions.
The difference to OP's story is that my wee pals and my team mates came when I called out, even when I was being dramatic because they cared about me and it went both ways - there might have been some eyeball rolling but we wouldn't have just left anyone

For what it's worth OP, when I last broke my arm my exDH came and looked at me and walked away. I sorted myself out but that was the beginning of the end for us, really the day my perception of him changed from just a bit lazy to realising he was actually pretty callous.

Athena51 - Some of these replies! I see someone's left the gate open at the cunt farm again.
Love this.

Don't know why people are being so nasty.

A twisted ankle really, really hurts. It is very difficult to get up when you've fallen awkwardly and sprained your ankle.

I have both sprained and broken my ankle, and the pain is similar. So much so that I convinced myself my fracture was a sprain, and didn't go to A and E until three days after the break.

So you'll gather from this that a. sprains really help and b. I'm not dramatic... yet I have also shouted Help once, notably when I fell in the garden - partly because of the shock. I had gone flying on the ice, and when he heard my shout, my H was out to help me like a shot, only to go arse over tits himself and land in a heap by my side. I certainly didn't have the time or presence of mind to say "Help, but do be careful because there's black ice on the front doorstep"!

Hope you're feeling better OP. I would be very angry at my H in your place.

I suppose it all sounds pretty over dramatic which implies a pattern for you. I wouldn’t have got up either. Which is fair enough because you could have just walked in

@BeBraveAndBeKind fair point! I hope I don’t come across as uncaring, I love my husband to bits but I tend to know the difference between a dramatic, unnecessary dive shout and a genuine shout of fear or pain - maybe OP’s husband thought it was the former. Possibly my situation is very different!

Anyway OP, glad you’re on the mend and if it’s part of a bigger picture I apologise if I was unhelpful and sounded uncaring.

Why are you assuming it’s a pattern when she literally says in her OP that she’s never called help before and so it isn’t a Peter cries wolf thing? Genuinely not trying to be rude but did you just not read that part of the OP, or did you read it but decided that this wasn’t the truth?

No, we'd all think the same of her sister.

And THIS is the most overused saying on MN
"Honestly the expectations of men on this site are so low it is incredible." And NO it's not low expectations, it's women being complete doormats. Don't blame the husbands, blame the women tolerating them!

All these assholes who think it’s unreasonable to shout for help! OP didn’t call an ambulance or go to A&E and all those things that get everyone in a froth, she shouted for help from her useless husband. To criticise someone for that is ice cold and pretty inhumane.

He is pretty hopeless if he didn’t come and help you. YANBU to still be annoyed by this.

In our household if someone shouts help, I'd expect everyone who hears to help.

You can't make an accurate assessment of how serious something is instantly, if you need help you need help. We don't have criteria for judging need, we trust the person asking and love them enough to want to support them whatever the issue.

So if I had hurt myself and shouted my DH would be there in a flash. The disregard your DH has shown you must be very troubling.

She did go to a&e, she had 8 stitches

Sadly your ds now knows how little regard his df has for you.

I fell recently after going over whilst hiking. Dh helped me up. Dc bless them gave all they had not to laugh but helped me up and were concerned when they saw I was in pain. Your dh is a prize cunt op. And know you weren't being dramatic.
Yanbu to expect some help from the one who made vows to you.
Time to reconsider your relationship imo.

It was in one of the OP's four whole posts. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4703724-husband-lay-on-sofa-when-i-shouted-help?postsby=darkbluenails

Fantastic on here the number of posters who feel able to pronounce on an OP and dismiss them in favour of a lazy arse or selfish man but can't trouble themselves to read the actual OP.