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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's dead and I don't know what to do?

170 replies

Mahanii · 22/12/2022 08:59

A man I've been dating for the last 10 weeks (so not boyfriend or anything remotely committed) text yesterday morning to say he'd tested positive with covid and was feeling awful and getting into bed with his electric blanket on and all his clothes on. He was last online at 2pm and hasn't replied to my last 2 messages. This morning I thought I should call him and he didn't answer. I'm starting to think he might not be ok, he lives alone and I don't know any of his friends or family who could check on him. He's been asleep for 19 hours with no contact and possibly overheating.
Any sensible suggestions for what I can do?

OP posts:
BingandPandomoanium · 22/12/2022 09:02

Don't worry he's probably just sleeping it of. When I had covid I couldn't do anything but sleep

AFS1 · 22/12/2022 09:02

This most recent strand of covid does make you feel really ill, but as far as I’m aware, life-threatening complications arising from it are very very rare. He probably feels like absolute crap and just wants to sleep through it. At my worst, I didn’t want to look at my phone at all. I would advise giving a bit more time before worrying so much.

Fadedpicture · 22/12/2022 09:03

Go round with meds, magazine, chicken soup, or something.

He probably is just sleeping, but go and knock on the door, then you'll know.

Iam4eels · 22/12/2022 09:04

Do you know his address? If you do then pop over, you could always take some paracetamol/lucozade/tissues and say you wanted to check he was okay and drop off some supplies.

If you can't go or aren't comfortable going then call 101, explain the situation, and ask if they can do a welfare check.

Before you do either of these, have one last attempt at calling him and send him a text telling him you're worried and that you'll pop over/call someone if you don't hear soon.

Original poster
Mahanii · 22/12/2022 09:04

Ok, good to hear, I thought the length of sleep was worrying because I can never sleep that long!

OP posts:
Pothoswithasparkle · 22/12/2022 09:05

Just gove it time. I go offline completely qhen I am sick because I just don't have energy.

Lindy2 · 22/12/2022 09:05

Is he vaccinated? Assuming he is, I'd be less worried than if he's not.

He might be sleeping a lot or really just not up to talking.

I'd perhaps leave it until this afternoon and then try and call again or even pop round with some food/medicine supplies.

Pothoswithasparkle · 22/12/2022 09:06

He might not be aleeping but is just not checking his phone... Many people don't

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/12/2022 09:07

Can't you go round and check on him. Yes the likelihood is he's just sleeping it off but he might need help

Minkymandy · 22/12/2022 09:07

Dd18 and I both have covid just now and she has slept since midday yesterday. I wouldn't worry yet and just leave a text asking him to reply when he can. Some people do just sleep things off. I am the opposite and the sore chest and head are keeping me awake.

Sparklfairy · 22/12/2022 09:08

If you've only been dating 10 weeks fgs don't go round there. I don't want people I don't know very well turning up at my place when I feel really ill, just because I've missed a call or two!

FluffyFlower · 22/12/2022 09:08

He is probably too tired and has a headache and has zero energy to even check his phone / communicate now, I am sure he will be in touch when he feels a bit better.

serenaisaknobhead · 22/12/2022 09:08

Mahanii · 22/12/2022 09:04

Ok, good to hear, I thought the length of sleep was worrying because I can never sleep that long!

I'm I'll (not covid). Went to bed at 530pm yesterday and only just woken up. I don't usually sleep so long but whatever this bug is has just taken it out of me. He's probably sleeping it off

bellac11 · 22/12/2022 09:08

Do people not understand that some people arent not glued to their phone?

My phone is always downstairs. If Im not well or spend the day in bed the phone doesnt get answered/looked at

Flapjackquack · 22/12/2022 09:08

Electric blankets have timers so I wouldn’t worry too much about his overheating. He is probably just sleeping and in a horrible lurgy fuelled haze.

Pothoswithasparkle · 22/12/2022 09:10

Sparklfairy · 22/12/2022 09:08

If you've only been dating 10 weeks fgs don't go round there. I don't want people I don't know very well turning up at my place when I feel really ill, just because I've missed a call or two!

Exactly. Just a perfect thing one needs is to have to get up and calm someone else about their own illness...

Stompythedinosaur · 22/12/2022 09:11

I agree he is probably fine and it hasn't been long enough to be really worried.

But if you get to a point you are really worried - maybe a couple of days and you can't get a response at his door - then you ring the police and ask for them to complete a welfare check.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 22/12/2022 09:11

Oh my god please do not go round! If I’d been dating someone ten weeks and they showed up at my house uninvited I’d be swiftly dumping them as it shows they have no boundaries.

If he’s an otherwise healthy adult it’s highly unlikely anything serious has happened. He’s probably just sleeping it off or feels too unwell to message.

Original poster
Mahanii · 22/12/2022 09:13

Great thanks for the reassurance. I'm not a worrier by nature but knowing that he lives alone was making me question if I should do something. Not because we're dating but because he's a human and I care about any human!
Won't rush round but might try calling again tonight.

OP posts:
Fadedpicture · 22/12/2022 09:13

Pothoswithasparkle · 22/12/2022 09:10

Exactly. Just a perfect thing one needs is to have to get up and calm someone else about their own illness...

Show quote history

You can sleep with someone after a couple of dates, but you can't do anything to look out for them when they're ill after 10 weeks?

SupernovaCharlotte · 22/12/2022 09:14

YaWeeFurryBastard · 22/12/2022 09:11

Oh my god please do not go round! If I’d been dating someone ten weeks and they showed up at my house uninvited I’d be swiftly dumping them as it shows they have no boundaries.

If he’s an otherwise healthy adult it’s highly unlikely anything serious has happened. He’s probably just sleeping it off or feels too unwell to message.

I'd dump you too OP.

Thinking he is dead is spectacularly dramatic.

veganmayo · 22/12/2022 09:14

I slept for over 24 hours and could barely lift my phone in the minutes here and there that I was I awake when I had it – but I can appreciate how worrying it is if you know he's alone. Like PPs have said I don't think 19 hours is out of the ordinary but if you're worried, pop round.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 22/12/2022 09:15

Another who pretty much slept for a week with it.

TimBoothseyes · 22/12/2022 09:17

DD text me last week saying she had covid and was off to bed. The next time I heard from her was 3 days later when she replied to my "how are you feeling" text. At no point did I think she was dead. Maybe you need to work on why that would be your first thought though OP.

Fadedpicture · 22/12/2022 09:17

Well every day's a school day. I can't imagine anyone I was in regular contact with, who I knew was ill and became uncontactable where I wouldn't pop round just to see if they needed anything.