To think he's dead and I don't know what to do?

[Mahanii]

A man I've been dating for the last 10 weeks (so not boyfriend or anything remotely committed) text yesterday morning to say he'd tested positive with covid and was feeling awful and getting into bed with his electric blanket on and all his clothes on. He was last online at 2pm and hasn't replied to my last 2 messages. This morning I thought I should call him and he didn't answer. I'm starting to think he might not be ok, he lives alone and I don't know any of his friends or family who could check on him. He's been asleep for 19 hours with no contact and possibly overheating.
Any sensible suggestions for what I can do?

Yes he has. What other definition is there of uncontactable?

That he was ok and didn’t need help.

Hmm it could be a handy excuse not to see you over Christmas and save him the expense of a gift.

I'd be a bit open minded after 10 weeks tbh ... especially if he's not contactable. I felt dog rough with Covid but still answered messages from my DC asking if I was OK so they didn't panic.

I agree with this. I would text to say you are happy to drop by to deliver any medicine or food he needs, but you won't stay as you know he needs to recover. If you don't hear from him after another 24 hours, call round with medicine and soup but don't stay.

If I'd been dating someone for two and a half months I'd definitely expect to care for them if they were ill. It was DH caring so beautifully for me when I got flu after we'd been dating that long which made me realise how much I loved him.

I wouldnt answer the door if someone came round. I'd be in bed,, why on earth would I get up and then have to try to find clothes to open the door to tell someone to bugger off?

If someone I'd been seeing for ten weeks turned up at my house uninvited when I was in bed and unwell, I wouldn't answer anyway - so turning up would achieve nothing and likely send OP into even more of a panic.

Dear God. He's ill. He may be sleeping a lot. He might be wide awake feeling dreadful and therefore ignoring anyone that contacts him. Which is what most normal people do when they're ill - weirdly they don't prioritise texting someone. You seem to think that's odd... why?

He hasn’t responded to 2 texts and a call in about 12 hours. A casual relationship who has told you they’re unwell and going to bed not responding within that time doesn’t make them uncontactable

I get the feeling Op that you are worried about him overheating after going to bed fully clothed with an electric blanket on, but most electric blankets turn themselves off after a certain period, so it's unlikely he has dangerously overheated. I'd give it a few more hours and then check again by text.

Op it's likely that he's sent the same message to friends & family.

Just because he hasn't contacted you doesn't mean that he is in need of help!

It has only been a day!

Are you pissed off that he has been online & not responded to you?

What did you message him?

Something like "hope you feel better soon/contact me if you need anything/when you feel better"?

If yo that doesn't really need an immediate response.

@Fadedpicture he's not uncontactable - it's been less than 24 hours!

Are we really not allowed to go 18-19 hours without contacting people unless they think we're dead? 😬

@Mahanii I have insomnia and for years if I had 6 hours sleep I would think that's great. I had Covid recently I went to bed freezing, wrapped up and slept like 10 hours, I did fling my extra layers off but I could not get out of bed the next day. If I didn't live with my DH I would have been off radar for at least 3 days and people would have been kicking the door down because they know I don't sleep.

At one point my DD rang me and I just said I can't think or talk and I meant it. I was floored and stayed in bed sleeping for days. Hopefully he will be back in touch soon.

Beforehand I would agree. But, speaking from family experience, a virus can cause life changing damage. I know I will be slated on AIBU but I could not just not post in case people had a go at me. It’s a remote possibility but a real one. As well as what happened to us there are two reports over on the ‘parents of adult children’ thread of first year students dying of Meningitis B too because, being on your own without anyone checking on you makes you more vulnerable.
Not being over dramatic. Just factual because of what’s happened in my family.

Another vote for backing the hell off!

”Uncontactable” is extremely overstated for this situation. Let him be.

If it helps I sleep illness off almost every time no matter what it is. Slept 22 hours once when I had tonsilitis.

I just get over things very quickly when I'm able to basically go to sleep and wake up missing a day!

He's probably fine.

Last week I had flu and I was so poorly I couldn't even pick up my phone. It physically hurt my fingers and arms.

It was awful! I'm sure he's OK but it may be a few days before he's communicative x

Not being over dramatic. Just factual because of what’s happened in my family.

He has friends & family who he has no doubt contacted.

OP, do you have a history of health anxiety?

To go from "gone to bed with covid, not responded to phone messages for 18 hours" to "Worried he's dead" is off the charts doom-mongering. The poor sod's just knackered and poorly.

Being single and living on my own it's my biggest fear that I die and no one notices or finds me for weeks. My neighbour has instructions to message me to check in if my car hasn't moved for a while and I'm not on holiday.

Damn wish I could edit. Reread that and sounds like my Dd had meningitis. She has had encephalitis and now epilepsy due to her brain being injured by the unidentified virus. By not trying to say too much about her condition, I made it read wrongly.

@Fadedpicture

Not answering someone you have known 10 weeks is not the same as being uncontactable

Honestly don’t be phoning for welfare checks, randomly going to his house or bringing medical supplies. You will look like a crazed stalker.

@ZandathePanda what did he do up until ten weeks ago when he met the OP, then?

I'm sure he has friends, family and neighbours who can come and help him if he needs it. He doesn't need someone he barely knows stressing out because she thinks he's dead!

Yes, a virus can floor you but if I was really that unwell, I would ring my mum or dad, not the person I'd been dating for two months.

Oh for god's sake. Doesn't answer a few messages, must be a cheating liar.

Do people actually do this shit In real life or is it just bad advice on the internet.

a bloke you’ve been dating a few weeks doesn’t contact you for one whole day. He had covid. And folks want welfare checks, turning up at his house randomly. It’s so odd and desperate behaviour