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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he's dead and I don't know what to do?

170 replies

Mahanii · 22/12/2022 08:59

A man I've been dating for the last 10 weeks (so not boyfriend or anything remotely committed) text yesterday morning to say he'd tested positive with covid and was feeling awful and getting into bed with his electric blanket on and all his clothes on. He was last online at 2pm and hasn't replied to my last 2 messages. This morning I thought I should call him and he didn't answer. I'm starting to think he might not be ok, he lives alone and I don't know any of his friends or family who could check on him. He's been asleep for 19 hours with no contact and possibly overheating.
Any sensible suggestions for what I can do?

OP posts:
SupernovaCharlotte · 22/12/2022 10:29

diddl · 22/12/2022 10:15

Not being over dramatic. Just factual because of what’s happened in my family.

He has friends & family who he has no doubt contacted.

Exactly. I had sepsis last year. Phoned my sister and my best friend.

FancyFanny · 22/12/2022 10:32

He's probably asleep or his phone ran out of charge. I wouldn't worry about him overheating- he's just got covid not the loss of all his senses!

People with covid don't tend to go to bed with a headache and then die a few hours later- they die much more slowly than that and if they end up in hospital it's usually quite a while after first testing positive.

Herejustforthisone · 22/12/2022 10:32

To go straight to ‘dead’ after 19 hours is a little extreme. 🫢

PenanceAdair · 22/12/2022 10:34

I wouldn't keep texting though. Just wait till later tonight or tomorrow. You've already checked in for the day.

RupertBare · 22/12/2022 10:35

@TimBoothseyes I mean, there's OTT like the OP may be and then there's bordering on neglectful! Can't believe you left your (I presume) adult DD with covid for 3 days with zero contact from her

butterfliedtwo · 22/12/2022 10:35

Fadedpicture · 22/12/2022 09:40

Yes he has. What other definition is there of uncontactable?

Show quote history

Maybe he just doesn't live with his phone attached to his hand.

He's ill. Leave him alone. So dramatic.

ZandathePanda · 22/12/2022 10:37

thelobsterquadrille · 22/12/2022 10:24

@ZandathePanda what did he do up until ten weeks ago when he met the OP, then?

I'm sure he has friends, family and neighbours who can come and help him if he needs it. He doesn't need someone he barely knows stressing out because she thinks he's dead!

Yes, a virus can floor you but if I was really that unwell, I would ring my mum or dad, not the person I'd been dating for two months.

With respect, if you’re that ill you can’t phone anyone.

I have said it’s a remote possibility but it does happen and when I posted everyone was berating the OP for being worried. And I said I would also be concerned because of what happened to my family.

diddl · 22/12/2022 10:40

Herejustforthisone · 22/12/2022 10:32

To go straight to ‘dead’ after 19 hours is a little extreme. 🫢

Just a bit!

It's a "curse" of the mobile phone in a way isn't it?

JinglingXmasbells · 22/12/2022 10:44

It's quite odd to think someone is dead just because they have not shown as being 'online' for under 24 hours.

And unless he's very old or vulnerable, the odds of death are tiny.

ifonly4 · 22/12/2022 10:46

When I had covid the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone, other than a half hearted conversation with DH about who had the energy to get a drink/food. Even though I was up, I had about 36 hours where all I could do was just lye or sit there, couldn't even focus on a text coming in.

Hope he's better soon, OP.

TimBoothseyes · 22/12/2022 10:47

RupertBare · 22/12/2022 10:35

@TimBoothseyes I mean, there's OTT like the OP may be and then there's bordering on neglectful! Can't believe you left your (I presume) adult DD with covid for 3 days with zero contact from her

Well if she had died I'm sure her DP would have been in touch.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 10:54

Mahanii · 22/12/2022 09:04

Ok, good to hear, I thought the length of sleep was worrying because I can never sleep that long!

I doubt he's been asleep that long but he's probably too exhausted to want to get into a text exchange with you and may message when he feels more alert.

thelobsterquadrille · 22/12/2022 10:54

With respect, if you’re that ill you can’t phone anyone.

No, but he has family who can come and check if they're concerned. That's what would have happened before he met OP, after all.

I have said it’s a remote possibility but it does happen and when I posted everyone was berating the OP for being worried. And I said I would also be concerned because of what happened to my family.

Surely you can see that there's a massive difference between "God, I hope he's okay, he'd normally have been in touch by now" and "I assume he must be dead as I haven't heard from him in a while 19 hours".

Worrying when a routine changes and you don't hear from someone is normal, but worrying to the extent of calling the police and assuming they're dead in their bed isn't rational thinking, and if I was a new girlfriend on the receiving end, I would see waving red flags and would possibly end the relationship.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 10:56

Or he could be lying and not ill at all and this is the start of him ghosting you. How have things been going until now?

RupertBare · 22/12/2022 11:01

@TimBoothseyes how is that slightly relevant to the OP? This is a man living alone. You hopped on a thread with what you made out to be a comparable story and all along she loves with a partner?

Weirdo

ShandaLear · 22/12/2022 11:10

Are you sure he’s not ghosting you?

Coffeeandcake15 · 22/12/2022 11:19

Lindy2 · 22/12/2022 09:05

Is he vaccinated? Assuming he is, I'd be less worried than if he's not.

He might be sleeping a lot or really just not up to talking.

I'd perhaps leave it until this afternoon and then try and call again or even pop round with some food/medicine supplies.

I know 3 people who haven’t been vaccinated, they’ve had Covid twice and have had very little symptoms with it. My friend who is 3 times vaccinated, suffered awfully. I’ve also read lots of people getting really ill with Covid, even though triple vaccinated. It’s not always true you get more ill.

dcut · 22/12/2022 11:20

Total overreaction to think he's dead because you haven't heard from him since 2 pm yesterday. Has something happened in your past to make you overly anxious about things like this.
This is some guy you've been on a few dates with who said he was ill and was going to bed. It's only a few hours later. He won't have overheated under the electric blanket and he won't have died. He needs rest and is probably too ill to be on his phone.
Do not go round there - totally OTT.

That's if his story about being ill is true of course.

Theneverendingdrama · 22/12/2022 11:40

When I had covid in november, the first 2 days I was either asleep or lying down unable to move due to the aches and pains. I wouldn't have been able to pick up the phone to ring or text.

EBearhug · 22/12/2022 11:49

No, but he has family who can come and check if they're concerned. That's what would have happened before he met OP, after all.

Does he? I don't. I rely on never getting ill and hoping work would eventually set up some sort of welfare check.

adriftabroad · 22/12/2022 11:57

Yes,that happened to me.I would get severly irritated if anyone persisted in calling as it hurt to even hold the phone.

I turned it off when I could manage to.

OP, sorry but you look like you are using this as an excuse to a normal, grown adult.

Leave it. He does not only know you FGS.

namitynamechange · 22/12/2022 11:59

I can remember a long time ago one of my flatmates was unwell and disappeared into their bedroom for days. I realised (when at work) that I hadn't actually seen them for 48+ hours and started to worry that maybe they were dead/seriously unwell and we'd all just abandoned them to rot in their bedroom. By the time I got home I was really worried but... they were fine (and annoyed with me for waking them up). So you are not alone. I think its fairly normal to belike that - but if you tell him you thought he was dead you will look crazy.

But when I had covid all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep. I could easily have slept uninterrupted for 50 hours given the chance. That's almost certainly what he's doing

realmsofglory · 22/12/2022 12:07

PenanceAdair · 22/12/2022 09:22

He may not be asleep the whole time, but just too tired/ill to text or talk.

You've done nothing wrong to be worried or even think he's dead. Someone who dumps you for coming round to check on them, even if they thought you were worrying for nothing, is a bit odd and doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with you anyway.

This.
No decent person would think less of you for caring.Most would think more

HighAsAKiteAgain · 22/12/2022 12:08

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janefondofu · 22/12/2022 12:09

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My dad died from covid, Shut the FUCK up.