to not collect my 18 year old daughter

[tengreenbottleshanging]

so she went off to have a treatment and was due to meet a friend after.I dropped her there. I came home , started a film and have had two glasses of wine so cant drive. She rang for me to collect her. She is a mile away , its well lit and a cool night where I am..no snow etc. She is losing the head that I wont/cant collect her. AIBU

Just because they are 18 doesn't necessarily mean they are mature and capable of being an 'adult'. If she was 17 would you still feel this way? Why does a matter of months make them suddenly change into full grown capable adults?

You've completely failed as a parent if your fit healthy 18 year old isn't capable of walking one mile or getting a taxi home.

More vulnerable than your elderly mother ?

Where we live it's s pretty safe and there are people around if you stick to the main, well lit roads. I'd worry more re my dds walking alone than me but not that much. My 17 yo will walk 10 to 15 mins home when it's dark quite often. It's not ideal but it's unrealistic to say that danger lurks in every shadow. (And mostly she gets lifts with us or friends' parents)

8n your case, OP, I hope your dd did walk and arrived safely.

My 12 year old could walk a mile without a fuss. They would plan to be with a friend or have prearranged a lift if nervous.

If an 18 year old can't phone a taxi that is a huge issue. However I dont think a taxi would take such a small job. Dd needs to walk home now, or speak pleasently to her mum to ask her to walk along with another adult and meet her if safety is an issue. Or call a friend for a lift offering petrol money etc.

But why would she?

I agree @AndyWarholsPiehole . Some of the answers on this thread are unbelievable. I was a teenage girl , I had teenage daughters and now have a teenage granddaughter and would be horrified if they couldn’t walk a short distance home in a well lit area .

what is wrong with a healthy 18 year old walking twenty minutes at 9.30 ffs?

After reading about Zara Aleena’s murder this week I would go and meet her but you’ve been drinking so YANBU to not drive,

Personally I would get off my arse and start walking in her direction.

Instead of typing a mumsnet message you could have been out the door meeting her halfway!!!!!

Maybe she doesn't want to?

To be fair I don’t like my 17 year old DD walking alone after dark so I’d probably walk and meet her half way. I realise you have a life too and she’s an adult but I’d rather have a stroll myself.

What age will you stop doing that?
46? 😂

Personally I would get off my arse and start walking in her direction

What makes that any less risky for you?

When she stops asking.

I'd get her a taxi/Uber instead. I wouldn't let my daughter walk home in the dark, I'd be too worried.

I'd tell her to start walking and me or dh or both of us wld go and meet her half way (if he also cldnt drive).

I didn’t say it makes anything less risky but I do have a large dog & DP.

Personally I would just go. Each to their own.

She's an adult! I doubt her mums takes and collects her from work, so why would she rely on mummy chauffeuring her of an evening.

How do people ever cope with their children going to university?

She’s 18. She can order her own Uber or taxi home.

But op’s dd is NOT asking her to walk and meet her.
she is not concerned about safety

she’s chilly and wants a warm lift.

how is that remotely similar?

I can’t believe the number of people going along with the taxi idea 😮 . My 4yo walks a mile to drop his brother at school and back, imagine suggesting an 18yo catch a cab that distance!! (The op has said it’s a very safe area) it’s a little longer than the walk home to and from our train station, which my dc will be doing twice a day from 12.

So you wouldn’t let your adult daughter out alone after 5pm?
wow!

Why would she not?

Because her going out in the cold won’t make her dd’s walk any warmer.

which is why her dd wants a lift.

so it solves no problems and additionally creates discomfort for the op

So I ask you again - why would she?

What the fuck? Why on earth would you bother your (presumably approaching or over 70yo) mother with such a petty issue?! Can't you get yourself a mile home? Please try to give the next generation a bit more resilience.

Yes I have teenagers. They are loved, we are very close, I support them to learn life skills including basic problem solving and getting themselves around safely.

At 18, if she can afford a treatment, she can afford an Uber or a taxi! It’s a mile and wouldn’t cost much.

I used to get my DD to stay on the phone with me if she was worried getting a taxi late at night at that age.

Certainly wouldn’t risk an accident or being pulled over if I’d been drinking (especially at this time of year).

We had a situation last week where DS (20 and at Uni in London, we live miles away) was stranded on his own at midnight after a night out as his underground line unexpectedly terminated 2 stops before his stop due to the strikes. He only had 5% on his phone battery. It was freezing and icy, no buses and he was worried his phone would die as he needed it for a map to walk the 30 mins back as he didn’t know the area. I was crapping myself as we couldn’t get there. Thankfully I was able to book him an Uber from my account and order a pick up in London to get him back to his halls. Was able to track the Uber and see that he got there safely despite his battery going. Bloody amazing invention! Saved DS’s bacon and something I’d recommend to any parent of teens/young adults.