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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not collect my 18 year old daughter

336 replies

tengreenbottleshanging · 21/12/2022 21:28

so she went off to have a treatment and was due to meet a friend after.I dropped her there. I came home , started a film and have had two glasses of wine so cant drive. She rang for me to collect her. She is a mile away , its well lit and a cool night where I am..no snow etc. She is losing the head that I wont/cant collect her. AIBU

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 23/12/2022 08:49

Because you’re her mother, that’s what mothers do look after and support our children , it’s very difficult but I personally would walk and meet her

NoAlexa · 23/12/2022 08:51

Woopzies · 21/12/2022 21:30

Given the atrocities going on in the world right now, I don't blame her for going spare. But I would pay for a taxi for her at the very least.

Why? If dd can afford treatments, she can afford a 1 mile taxi

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 23/12/2022 08:57

Mrsgreen100 · 23/12/2022 08:49

Because you’re her mother, that’s what mothers do look after and support our children , it’s very difficult but I personally would walk and meet her

Why? Her DD wanted a lift because she didn't want to walk in the cold. Her mum coming to meet her isn't what she wants, because she still would have a walk in the cold rather than a ride in a warm car.

Mrsjayy · 23/12/2022 09:00

Mrsgreen100 · 23/12/2022 08:49

Because you’re her mother, that’s what mothers do look after and support our children , it’s very difficult but I personally would walk and meet her

She wanted a lift walking wasn't ab option for her,

LoisLane66 · 23/12/2022 09:05

Losing the head? I wish posters would read what they write before posting as some of it is gobbledegook.

SnowlayRoundabout · 23/12/2022 09:08

Missyc11 · 23/12/2022 01:48

OP, YANBU, does DD Really want you to drive after having a drink? And in this weather.....offer to get her a cab and then I hope she appreciates and apologises. I have and never would do that to my parents

Get her a cab when she's only one mile away and it's quite early evening? Why?

SnowlayRoundabout · 23/12/2022 09:14

Stewball01 · 23/12/2022 05:20

I wouldn't want her to walk alone in the dark considering what's going on nowadays. At least go and meet her halfway and don't let her hitchhike.

At the university where I was a student, the hall of residence I was in was a mile away from the faculty where I studied and where the library was, and about three quarters of a mile from the students' union. There was no direct public transport, and I couldn't afford it even if there had been. So I and all the other girls there regularly walked that distance and further after dark and on our own, and I'm current students do the same.

Are you ever going to allow your daughter/s to go to university, @Stewball01? What are you going to do if it is a similar set up? Or are you going to dictate to your daughter that she is never allowed to walk anywhere on her own? Good luck with that.

TimBoothseyes · 23/12/2022 09:43

Laughing at the idea of an 18 year old woman not being able to walk a whole mile and people saying to get a cab. I live in a village where the local shop is a mile away and the idea of getting a taxi there is so tragic it's funny.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 10:11

Charmian1957 · 22/12/2022 23:18

I would say walk. You can not go and fetch her. She sjould not asume, but they do! If you have a dod or dogsvmeet her half way. Dogs would love a walk. You could order her a taxi. Or if she walks tell her to call you & talk the wjole way home. Then she would feel safer as would you. I have done that before now. My daughter calls me & talks the whole eay home. Bad people not sure who the person is talking too & knows that the person walking is talking to somebody who can call the police if a problem starts. Do not feel guilty at all.

@Charmian1957

who cares about the dogs
op doesn’t want a walk she wants film and wine
her dd needs to suck it up

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 10:12

How do some of you cope when if your kids go to uni? Or heaven forbid….travelling?!

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 23/12/2022 10:45

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 10:12

How do some of you cope when if your kids go to uni? Or heaven forbid….travelling?!

Exactly. At 18 I hopped on a plane and buggered off for ten months. I let my parents know when I changed countries.

sheepdogdelight · 23/12/2022 10:53

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 10:12

How do some of you cope when if your kids go to uni? Or heaven forbid….travelling?!

Or even if their secondary school age children stay at school beyond 4pm in winter.

Maireas · 23/12/2022 10:58

@Charmian1957 - I don't think she was scared, just cold and wanted a lift!

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 11:39

sheepdogdelight · 23/12/2022 10:53

Or even if their secondary school age children stay at school beyond 4pm in winter.

Show quote history

True!

UsingChangeofName · 23/12/2022 12:54

Because you’re her mother, that’s what mothers do look after and support our children

Yes, I looked after and supported mine by giving them the skills to become independent women.

For those saying they wouldn't let their 18 yr olds walk home in the dark, how are they getting home from school in the Winter ?
Let alone all the 18 yr olds who re at University, and walk everywhere.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/12/2022 13:04

Aren't most 18 year olds away at uni, walking around all over the place.

One of mine was inter-railing around Europe the summer she was 18.

I agree you never stop worrying about them but don't wrap them up in cotton wool either.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/12/2022 13:06

At 15/16/17 I was always available late at night to collect from parties, but you do have to stop at some point and live your own life a bit.

Devoutspoken · 23/12/2022 13:09

The offer to walk is a kind of compromise, 'no dear, possibly entitled daughter, I shan't come and get you in a car but I will come and meet you on foot' is possibly how I might offer it up

Maireas · 23/12/2022 13:23

Devoutspoken · 23/12/2022 13:09

The offer to walk is a kind of compromise, 'no dear, possibly entitled daughter, I shan't come and get you in a car but I will come and meet you on foot' is possibly how I might offer it up

Why though? That wouldn't help her get warm?.

sheepdogdelight · 23/12/2022 13:40

If she's like most teens the reason she is cold is because she's gone out without a coat/appropriate clothing. The correct response to that is not to rush out and collect them (should OP have been sober and able to do that).

Zosime · 23/12/2022 13:55

Because you’re her mother, that’s what mothers do look after and support our children

Until what age? Should I tell my mother, who is in her nineties and walks with a stick, that she needs to meet me at the station this afternoon because it will be dark and she mustn't let me walk alone in the dark?

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 14:08

@Mrsgreen100

you are quite right

op is a mother and therefore her own needs a s wants don’t matter whether her daughter is 8 or 18 or 58.

frankly I can’t believe she had a glass of wine! Surely she must have known that her daughter and would possibly decide she couldn’t be arsed to walk and therefore be sober and ready to collect her any second?! Mothers today….

RachaelN · 23/12/2022 15:44

I had lived on my own for 2 years 400 miles away from my parents at that age. Tell her to grow up and get walking.

Heygal · 24/12/2022 18:31

I am 28 and married. My parents even now would not expect me to walk home alone. I did the nights out and walked myself home occasionally whilst at uni and even after uni. They were always upset that I didn’t call them especially the one night when taxi driver refused to drive me the 20 min drive home (he said he didn’t know where he was going?!) and abandoned me.

HamBone · 24/12/2022 18:45

@Heygal i think that’s unusual, tbh. I used to cycle home late at night from 16 onwards, it would never occur to my parents to pick me up. I was living abroad in my 20’s so my parents had no idea what I was doing!