to not collect my 18 year old daughter

[tengreenbottleshanging]

so she went off to have a treatment and was due to meet a friend after.I dropped her there. I came home , started a film and have had two glasses of wine so cant drive. She rang for me to collect her. She is a mile away , its well lit and a cool night where I am..no snow etc. She is losing the head that I wont/cant collect her. AIBU

A 30 minute 5k is a good run.
5k is 3.1 miles.
So a 10 minute mile is perfectly acceptable as a woman runner of good fitness.

Normal walking speed is about 3 miles an hour. A brisk walk may be pushing 4 and if you're a very fast walker you might get to 4.5

But 10 minutes for a mile is 6 miles an hour - so you'd be finishing a half marathon in barely over 2 hours. That's really not a walking pace.

At 18 I had left home , spent a month inter railing around Europe with a friend, no contact with my family ( pre mobile phones etc). Came home , went to uni in a different city and never lived at home again . Walking home in a safe area wouldn’t even enter my head as being an issue .
If one of my DDs had done what the OP’s daughter did , she would be told to walk or phone a taxi . Thankfully I have raised 2 independent daughters who will hopefully raise their daughters to be the same .

Why is it any safer for OP to walk the mile alone in order to meet her adult daughter than it is for her adult daughter to walk the mile alone? Surely either the route is safe for an adult woman to walk alone or it’s not.

Where I live, the answer would depend on the size and the timing of the wine. 2 standard drinks over 2 hours = legal, although I prefer not to.

Generally though, my 18yo gets himself to and from places unless we've organised something in advance or it's an emergency.

Many 18 year olds are away at uni or living independently. Do you think they never walk a mile alone?

OP has already said it’s the cold not the safety that she’s complaining about

Nutcases haven’t just appeared in the 21st century . In the 1970s my best friend was murdered by a family friend !

You can’t drive, but you can have her call a taxi or walk to meet her halfway and walk back with her if she is anxious 😥

I walked home from the pub recently, 1.7 miles took me about an hour! But saying that I was rather pissed 😁

misses point

@tunthebloodyalarmoff

There is if you stop pandering to them yes !

Tell that to the mothers and fathers of DC who have been robbed, raped, accosted, murdered and assaulted metres from home

All our DDs and DSs are vulnerable and anyone who does not recognise that and says "we" as parents are pandering to them does not live in my world. I know when my DC/DSC are safe - I know when they need support and I know when they are pulling the wool over my eyes.

I thought my DSD was being "precious" when she insisted on a lift home (800 metres from station) - she felt "funny" (she was 19 and could not articulate it) - she was raped.

I assumed she was having a beauty treatment !

Also, if my 18yo started 'losing their head' at me when I gave them a reasonable explanation why I couldn't do something, I'd hang up and leave it to work it out themselves.

I often wonder how many people on threads like this actually have teenage children?

it doesn’t matter what age they are you don’t stop worrying. If I were to phone my mum to say I was a mile away I know she would offer to walk to meet me and I’m 46.

at what age will you expect your adult daughter to solve her own transport problems?

it’s no wonder adulthood is a shock to some

I realise that, I also know 1 person that was taped by a stranger in a park in the 60’s.

but let’s face it, there are more horrible crimes against women now than there have ever been (yes, we hear of it more now with SM but still).

I live in what’s considered a safe place but there are more crimes here than 10 years ago. Way more.

So assuming your Mum is in her 60s or 70s you would have her go out on a cold night to meet you ? I assume you are a functioning adult ?
MN is a totally different world !

Average adult walks at 4.2m an hour

‘atrocities going on in the world’ - she thinks the Ukrainian war and cost of living crisis will affect her 15min walk?

Famous last words..

Famous last words..

That's such a shit thing to say.

If I were to phone my mum to say I was a mile away I know she would offer to walk to meet me and I’m 46

thats well into odd enmeshed family territory. If I was in trouble my mum would drop everything to help but she wouldn’t jump up to walk me a safe mile home at 46 years old.

Just because they are 18 doesn't necessarily mean they are mature and capable of being an 'adult'. If she was 17 would you still feel this way? Why does a matter of months make them suddenly change into full grown capable adults?

All these suggestions of taxis etc about a journey of a whole, entire mile?

She can walk, OP. If you lived in a dodgy area full of ill-lit alleyways, you would have said so. I would tell my 18 yr old DD to walk, though she'd also moan. In fact, I'd say it even if I hadn't had a glass of wine.

Not unreasonable because you’ve have had wine but I would pay for a taxi/Uber.

Instead of typing a mumsnet message you could have been out the door meeting her halfway!!!!!

“Odd meshed family territory”? Not odd at all, it’s called being in a caring parent.

I have been attacked in the dark walking home with a friend from a night out. Maybe if that had happened to your daughter then your attitude would be different.

Hence why I feel vulnerable walking in the dark alone.