to not collect my 18 year old daughter

[tengreenbottleshanging]

so she went off to have a treatment and was due to meet a friend after.I dropped her there. I came home , started a film and have had two glasses of wine so cant drive. She rang for me to collect her. She is a mile away , its well lit and a cool night where I am..no snow etc. She is losing the head that I wont/cant collect her. AIBU

@Heygal that's insane. I’ve lived away from home since 18 and always managed without my mum and dad! In fact at 16 I was getting myself home

of course awful things can very rarely happen (and when they do they’re headline news for weeks) but to not live your life is surely worse.

Yes I agree and often didn’t tell them I was by myself or i asked my friends to walk with me / be on the phone with me until I got back. I’m fortunate that whilst there’s been the odd moment which has been a bit hairy I’ve never got into actual trouble and I haven’t stopped living my life at all. My dad is a retired policeman and unfortunately has a very negative perception through lived experience. for his piece of mind and for my own safety I’m more than happy to get a lift whenever I’m back in the local area but wouldn’t cry if it meant I was escorted on foot.
my husband would collect me if I was alone these days and if he didn’t come with me himself.
I must say, it doesn’t really bother me to think of planning my way home from a safety perspective. I just do it by default I guess!

I must say, it doesn’t really bother me to think of planning my way home from a safety perspective. I just do it by default I guess!

Most people (and certainly most women) plan their way home from a safety perspective. That doesn't mean automatically excluding "walking home on their own" as a bad option. If the way home is 3 miles through a deserted wasteland next to a drugs den, then it might well be a bad idea. if you've got a 10 minute walk and it's only 7pm at night and you're walking through a well lit residential area and know there will be plenty of people about, then insisting on a taxi/someone else to walk you might well be overkill.
The key thing is risk assessing!

Risk assessment is not a thing on Mumsnet. Your 14 yr old will probably die if you leave them alone while you go to the supermarket, and as for leaving your 18 yr old overnight it will probably cause world destruction.

Hello all and wishiing you and your familhy a Merry Christmas. I had an interesting chat about this with my 24 yr old DD. We have VERY different view points. For me, growing up in the 70s/80s it is ridiculous that an adult 18 year old could not walk a mere mile at 9.30pm. My parents expected me to be self sufficient at that age, really from 15 up. No one would be ferrying me about, and a mile is nothing, something I could have walked in 12 mins, as i did to school and back each day. For my DD it is fraught with peril! In high heels it would take her 25 mins, and alone in the dark neferaious predators could jump out and attack her at any given moment. Despite being armed with a phone, panick pepper spray and ability to call an uber (things we did not have) there is no way she would consider walking this short distance in the dark. To be perfectly honest I was gobsmacked at this revelation. At 18 I lived in Italy in a pretty dodgy part of Milan and walked brazenly every where at all times of the day. No idea who is right or wrong here, just incredibly sad that this generation is so scared of even a 12 minute walk (okay longer in high heels) early evening in a safe area!! As to being cold - the wak warms you up, that is jusgt physics. My DD made me feel I was wrong, but even today I would not think twice about a short walk home even if it was dark and cold.

It's not "this generation" @myfaceismyown .
If you read through all the posts, there are plenty of young adults that wouldn't bat an eyelid about getting themselves to and from where they need to be.

@UsingChangeofName then explain what it is!!

Perception of danger maybe? I think it's odd that you would be quite happy to walk a mile at 9pm, but your daughter absolutely wouldn't. A lot of the posters above who are not keen at walking at night (I'm assuming safe well lit route here and no particular safety aspect to consider) have clearly got this attitude from their parents and are perhaps over nervous as a result.
however, that's clearly not your situation - so why does your daughter think as she does? She's gained this view from somewhere.
My 16 year old DD gets herself home from work which is about a mile away(she finished between 6.30 and 8 so dark at the moment) and actively turns down offers of lifts. so it's not a generational thing.

@myfaceismyown .

It is some people - of all ages it seems from this thread.
It isn't all of any generation.

Like @sheepdogdelight all of my dc have been getting themselves home from various things ,phasing in as they got older. Including their shifts as lifeguards from when they turned 16.
Obviously once going away to Universities at 18, they sorted themselves out all the time, as were a long way from home. As do hundreds upon thousands of young people every day.
Apart from anything else, even when at school if you stay for anything after school, or attend a school that doesn't finish until 4 or later, then you would be traveling home from school once it has gone dark in the Winter months.

She's an adult I'm sure she's more than capable of getting an Uber!