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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not collect my 18 year old daughter

336 replies

tengreenbottleshanging · 21/12/2022 21:28

so she went off to have a treatment and was due to meet a friend after.I dropped her there. I came home , started a film and have had two glasses of wine so cant drive. She rang for me to collect her. She is a mile away , its well lit and a cool night where I am..no snow etc. She is losing the head that I wont/cant collect her. AIBU

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 21/12/2022 22:03

You can’t drive as you’ve drank wine.

however I would drive to pick my 18yr old up or walk to meet them.

I hate walking in the dark and know my teen does too,

goinback · 21/12/2022 22:03

HamBone · 21/12/2022 21:33

One mile? That's a 15-minute walk tops, probably 10 minutes for a young adult.

You legally can't drive and she's 18, she can get an Uber or taxi, or walk.

@HamBone must be a fast walker, I can run 3 miles in 30 minutes and thought that was decent- will need to speed up 🏃‍♀️
Anyway adult child can get themselves home - it's an absolute NO with two glasses of wine.

Forever42 · 21/12/2022 22:03

Maybe I am too soft or over-anxious but I wouldn't be happy about my teenage daughter walking home alone in the dark. If I couldn't drive I would probably walk to meet her. At that age I often used to walk a similar distance home in the dark but only ever with a friend and I lived in what would be described as a safe area.

gogohmm · 21/12/2022 22:06

A mile, why doesn't she walk ? I wouldn't have dropped that distance either

Zosime · 21/12/2022 22:09

Do all MNetters require their daughters to be home by 4pm in winter?

HamBone · 21/12/2022 22:09

goinback · 21/12/2022 22:03

@HamBone must be a fast walker, I can run 3 miles in 30 minutes and thought that was decent- will need to speed up 🏃‍♀️
Anyway adult child can get themselves home - it's an absolute NO with two glasses of wine.

Show quote history

@goinback I thought four miles an hour was a normal walking speed so 15 mins for a mile?

i could be wrong!

IntheSnowySnowyMountains · 21/12/2022 22:09

When I read treatment I assumed she was at a hospital. But if that was the case I probably wouldn't have started drinking till I was sure her friend could collect her.

FOJN · 21/12/2022 22:11

Tell her she'll soon warm up if she walks. It'll take her 15 minutes, it's hardly the London marathon.

Phenolet · 21/12/2022 22:12

You can't drink and drive but personally, I would get her a taxi. I don't like the idea of my daughter walking home alone at night. I do live in a city though and hear of attacks fairly often.

StarDolphins · 21/12/2022 22:14

I know I’m the odd one out here (& need to toughen up). But I would walk to meet her. There are some nutcases about these days.

BungleandGeorge · 21/12/2022 22:14

I’d offer to walk and meet her. If she agrees then I’d presume there’s a reason other than laziness for not wanting to walk alone.

Abcdefu · 21/12/2022 22:14

I would walk.and meet her half way and chat on the phone tonher the whole way there

pinkceilingchoice · 21/12/2022 22:15

If it's out of character to be like this then I'd think she was worried about something to be honest. She may not want to worry you or articulate her concerns. If it was me I'd tell her to stay where she is and be with people and pay (you or her) for a taxi.

WonderingWanda · 21/12/2022 22:17

It would've be unreasonable to go given the 2 glasses of wine.

3luckystars · 21/12/2022 22:18

@goinback
it takes you ten minutes to RUN one mile?
My head is addled here.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/12/2022 22:19

What's the cost of her treatment compared to the cost of the taxi fare home?

CorpusCallosum · 21/12/2022 22:19

She's feeling vulnerable and reached out to her mum, the rejection compounded the feeling of being let down, first by friend and then by mum (however reasonable you are to have let her down!).

YANBU to say no but to all the posters saying she's spoilt etc YABU to be so unkind about her.

TheMoth · 21/12/2022 22:21

It's a mile. Most kids round here walk further than that to school. By the time you could get a taxi, she'd probably be home. 15 minute slow stroll or 10 minutes at pace.

gamerchick · 21/12/2022 22:21

A mile? Lazy bugger.

No way a taxi would be happy for a minutes drive. You can't drive, you'll be over the limit.

CherrySocks · 21/12/2022 22:21

Is she home now, OP?

Why do some people assume an 18 year old can afford a taxi?

Why do some people not understand that the safety issue is to do with violence/sexual assault on the streets at night?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/12/2022 22:22

CorpusCallosum · 21/12/2022 22:19

She's feeling vulnerable and reached out to her mum, the rejection compounded the feeling of being let down, first by friend and then by mum (however reasonable you are to have let her down!).

YANBU to say no but to all the posters saying she's spoilt etc YABU to be so unkind about her.

Or she’s having a tantrum because she didn’t dress for the weather and thinks “losing it” at her mum is an appropriate reaction to not getting her own way immediately. Since you’re not there you don’t know for sure better than anyone else.

GladAllOver · 21/12/2022 22:22

She's being silly and selfish. If she'd started walking instead of phoning you she'd have been home long ago.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 21/12/2022 22:23

tengreenbottleshanging · 21/12/2022 21:36

She is totally safe but moaning that she is cold. Is there any life outside of kids anymore ?

There is if you stop pandering to them yes !

Barbudura · 21/12/2022 22:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

georgarina · 21/12/2022 22:27

curvymumma79 · 21/12/2022 21:53

@BethJ62 yes. Maybe she doesn't feel safe walking on her own?

Would you of felt safe at 18?

Felt safe walking one mile in my own neighbourhood at 18?

Seriously?