Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not collect my 18 year old daughter

336 replies

tengreenbottleshanging · 21/12/2022 21:28

so she went off to have a treatment and was due to meet a friend after.I dropped her there. I came home , started a film and have had two glasses of wine so cant drive. She rang for me to collect her. She is a mile away , its well lit and a cool night where I am..no snow etc. She is losing the head that I wont/cant collect her. AIBU

OP posts:
Liorae · 22/12/2022 01:52

leithreas · 22/12/2022 01:48

I'm honestly so shocked that so many women are so terrified and restrict their lives and the lives of their adult children so much. Is the UK really such a dangerous place? Where I live I wouldn't think twice about leaving the house for a walk in the dark down a well lit street at 9:30, I do it often. Being afraid to leave your house unless you are chaperoned or driving after 5pm in Winter must be so restrictive, it's really sad that so many of you feel that way and think it essential instil that fear in your daughters. Where I am you would be far more likely to come to harm in a car accident in your taxi than you would being attacked by a random stranger in a well lit area in the evenings.

It's over the top fearmongering, but it seems to be common. When applied to daughters I suspect there is a large element of wanting to keep them feeling dependent on mummy.

HoppingPavlova · 22/12/2022 06:25

When applied to daughters I suspect there is a large element of wanting to keep them feeling dependent on mummy.

Nope, just wanting to keep them alive in this crazy world where many men feel entitled to abduct, rape and kill women. Sure, it’s super rare but that super rare person can be someone other than my daughter, or myself, thanks.

No one is hiding in a house or not going out after dark for goodness sake. It’s just taking sensible measures such as arranging to be picked up if someone is just sitting around and can do it, or catching a cab otherwise and paying the minimum fare if it’s just a short distance. That’s hardly a restriction on life or limiting activities!

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/12/2022 07:54

How will some of you cope when your daughters go to uni, move out or…. Even….go travelling!!

All of these things involve situations far riskier than walking a mile in well lit streets.

Life - if you’re gonna live it - is risky
but what’s the alternative?

stay at home and be coddled by mummy instead??

Devoutspoken · 22/12/2022 08:06

Could you walk and collect her bringing hats scarves etc

Jimboscott0115 · 22/12/2022 08:10

It sounds like your 18 year old is incredibly immature. At her age she should absolutely know that she can't expect lifts everywhere and she has the responsibility of handling her own transport arrangements. Yes, it's dark - but that's something she has to consider when making her plans.

18 year olds commonly go abroad without parents, can drive, can get married and often stumble home to uni digs or family homes at 3 in the morning. To think she isn't capable at 9pm and sober to walk a mile home is a sad indictment.

Devoutspoken · 22/12/2022 08:13

Or get her a bike

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/12/2022 08:36

Jimboscott0115 · 22/12/2022 08:10

It sounds like your 18 year old is incredibly immature. At her age she should absolutely know that she can't expect lifts everywhere and she has the responsibility of handling her own transport arrangements. Yes, it's dark - but that's something she has to consider when making her plans.

18 year olds commonly go abroad without parents, can drive, can get married and often stumble home to uni digs or family homes at 3 in the morning. To think she isn't capable at 9pm and sober to walk a mile home is a sad indictment.

This!

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/12/2022 08:38

And to all those saying things are different now, the world is a more dangerous place, it was safer back in our day etc…it really wasn’t. There have always been the same dangers posed. For example, the Yorkshire ripper.

Blackheath95 · 22/12/2022 08:38

Devoutspoken · 22/12/2022 08:06

Could you walk and collect her bringing hats scarves etc

I sincerely hope you are joking.

Forever42 · 22/12/2022 09:17

because it is night and there is safety to consider- I would happily walk 10 miles in the day, but not one mile at night

This. Maybe people have different perceptions based on where they live. A mile at 9.30 pm here would involve walking most of the way along unlit roads with few people about. If you are in a big city with well-lit roads and lots of people about you might feel differently. I g

Forever42 · 22/12/2022 09:20

I mean, these are young people who won't answer a phone unless they KNOWV who's ringing; so it makes sense that they can't walk a mile home.

I'm 44 and don't answer the phone if I don't know who's calling. One of the pleasures of caller ID and voicemail is not having to listen to anyone trying to sell you stuff. I will happily walk a mile home, but not alone in the dark.

Forever42 · 22/12/2022 09:22

I've lived in many different places, including abroad and have never voluntarily walked a mile alone at night. With friends or a group, no problem.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2022 09:32

Forever42 · 22/12/2022 09:20

I mean, these are young people who won't answer a phone unless they KNOWV who's ringing; so it makes sense that they can't walk a mile home.

I'm 44 and don't answer the phone if I don't know who's calling. One of the pleasures of caller ID and voicemail is not having to listen to anyone trying to sell you stuff. I will happily walk a mile home, but not alone in the dark.

Don’t you miss a lot? My GP and DD’s nursery don’t come up with a known number. I’m pregnant and having loads of appointments with different services, none of the calls are from numbers in my address book. It’s hard enough catching calls when I notice them, you can’t call anyone back if they don’t leave a message.

EarthlyNightshade · 22/12/2022 09:36

MissMaple82 · 21/12/2022 22:37

Famous last words..

Show quote history

I hope she is home safe.
I am really shocked at the nastiness of this comment.

Forever42 · 22/12/2022 09:39

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2022 09:32

Don’t you miss a lot? My GP and DD’s nursery don’t come up with a known number. I’m pregnant and having loads of appointments with different services, none of the calls are from numbers in my address book. It’s hard enough catching calls when I notice them, you can’t call anyone back if they don’t leave a message.

Show quote history

Kids schools etc are saved in my p

Forever42 · 22/12/2022 09:39

Sorry, come up with a name. GP's surgery does too.

HikingforScenery · 22/12/2022 09:43

The last post I read before I went to bed was a LinkedIn post on Zara Alleena ( ashamed to say that the first time I heard of her), Sarah Everard and a few others. I hope my DD is never out at 9:30pm in the dark, contemplating walking home alone.
Yes misogyny is to blame. Yes violent men are to blame but saying any of these things doesn’t make it go away. A mile? I’d get her a taxi I. A heartbeat

SnowlayRoundabout · 22/12/2022 09:44

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2022 09:32

Don’t you miss a lot? My GP and DD’s nursery don’t come up with a known number. I’m pregnant and having loads of appointments with different services, none of the calls are from numbers in my address book. It’s hard enough catching calls when I notice them, you can’t call anyone back if they don’t leave a message.

Show quote history

Why don't you put them into your address book? It's very easy.

KimberleyClark · 22/12/2022 09:46

I ha e my GP surgery number saved in my contacts, so I always know if it’s them. Ditto dentist, garage that services my car etc etc.

KimberleyClark · 22/12/2022 09:47

Sorry that was a reply to the message quoted in the post above mine.

SnowlayRoundabout · 22/12/2022 09:49

Unbelievable how many people think walking a mile at night along well lit roads in a safe area is something that is uncontemplatable. Of course it isn't guaranteed to be safe, but statistically the risk of death crossing the roads is way higher than the risk of being attacked, and we don't stop our 18 year olds doing that (at least I bloody hope not). I've been doing similar walks all my life going to and from work and other destinations and somehow have managed to survive the dreadful risks I'm taking wholly unscathed.

SnowlayRoundabout · 22/12/2022 09:50

Devoutspoken · 22/12/2022 08:06

Could you walk and collect her bringing hats scarves etc

Why on earth would OP do that?

Mentalpiece · 22/12/2022 09:54

In the time it took her to phone and moan, she could have been halfway home if she'd set off walking instead.
I'd be embarrassed to call a taxi for a mere one mile.

booklovingmum · 22/12/2022 09:55

It's a mile.
She's an adult.
It's 9:30pm so not even that late.

Christ sake "walk and meet her" "get her a taxi" 🙄🙄🙄

FurAndFeathers · 22/12/2022 10:03

HikingforScenery · 22/12/2022 09:43

The last post I read before I went to bed was a LinkedIn post on Zara Alleena ( ashamed to say that the first time I heard of her), Sarah Everard and a few others. I hope my DD is never out at 9:30pm in the dark, contemplating walking home alone.
Yes misogyny is to blame. Yes violent men are to blame but saying any of these things doesn’t make it go away. A mile? I’d get her a taxi I. A heartbeat

Would you not be a bit disappointed that you’d raised an adult who was incapable of ordering their own taxi/Uber?