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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smug couples at Christmas

300 replies

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:10

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:34

Just because we presume , e.g. I wonder if my ex's other half truly still loves her, or more likely based on what I know, I suspect he's having an affair, but that's based originally on a guess and then I needed intelligence to build the timeline

PainfulAnkles · 21/12/2022 19:35

@WaddleAway
That’s amazing for you.
But lot of us do get treated like shit.
Why are you denying other people’s experiences?
I’ve never been assaulted - wouldn’t cross my mind to go on and tell someone who’s opening about what has happened to them that ot never happened to me, so it can’t be real.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:35

I mean find have a relationship if you want but why does everything have to be so serious and intense when your 23 for example?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:35

I'm shocked no one notices they are treated differently when single.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:36

Many young guys are in long term relationships due to insecurity and neediness. So I heard.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 21/12/2022 19:37

Well, I found the love of my life at 20, engaged at 21, married at 25. It happened when it happened. I get that this has not been your life experience, but just like yours should not be diminished by others having a different experience, there is no need to diminish others because you have had a different experience.

StephanieSuperpowers · 21/12/2022 19:37

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:34

Just because we presume , e.g. I wonder if my ex's other half truly still loves her, or more likely based on what I know, I suspect he's having an affair, but that's based originally on a guess and then I needed intelligence to build the timeline

Single people sound very unkind if that's what they're thinking about their family and friends. I don't think there's much room to complain that people stereotype you as a single person if this is your internal dialogue.

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:38

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:35

I mean find have a relationship if you want but why does everything have to be so serious and intense when your 23 for example?

Because that's when you need to begin to start looking at long term perspectives, rather than just flings.

Obvious that's a generalisation

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:40

StephanieSuperpowers · 21/12/2022 19:37

Single people sound very unkind if that's what they're thinking about their family and friends. I don't think there's much room to complain that people stereotype you as a single person if this is your internal dialogue.

Show quote history

I Understand your perspectives, but when it's been confirmed as that is what's happening, it makes.it more omg 😲.
Same on these threads, the amount of affairs or emotional affairs, these days it's almost you have to factor in the possibility of friends or family having affairs

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:40

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:38

Because that's when you need to begin to start looking at long term perspectives, rather than just flings.

Obvious that's a generalisation

Show quote history

Why can't you thing long term in 30s and 40s.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:41

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:35

I'm shocked no one notices they are treated differently when single.

Sometimes people do , as couples it's more duties where as the singletons are usually more flexable

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:43

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:40

Why can't you thing long term in 30s and 40s.

Show quote history

You still can, but then their is the biological clock if you want a family, then also their is the prospect of all the worthy partners already having found another partner. So realistically the earlier the better chances of a quality partner.

Schleep · 21/12/2022 19:48

Well you sound like a super fun Christmas guest who definitely wouldn't make plans miserable or difficult, so I've no idea why you'd be excluded

mbosnz · 21/12/2022 19:50

Some people think long term in their 30's and 40's, and some think long term in their 20's. There is no right or wrong. It's just individual timing and circumstances.

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 20:04

Schleep · 21/12/2022 19:48

Well you sound like a super fun Christmas guest who definitely wouldn't make plans miserable or difficult, so I've no idea why you'd be excluded

🤣🤣🤣🤣 and a partridge in a pear tree 👍

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 20:10

So OP who are the " Smug couples " that are ballsing up your Christmas ?

FictionalCharacter · 21/12/2022 20:16

FictionalCharacter · 21/12/2022 15:10

Yanbu and I don’t believe people in LTRs are generally smug.

I meant YABU 🤦🏽‍♀️

LolaMoon · 21/12/2022 20:18

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:26

It surprises me when I hear of those in their early to mid twenties settled down with no interest in splitting up or being single.

Why would they want to split up and be single? You've spent this entire thread telling us how awful it is to be single, how lonely and miserable it is, how you're treated like a second class citizen, how noone cares about you when you are single, how all TV and movies are geared towards couples and then you say it surprises you that more people dont choose to be single? WTF?

meloonhead · 21/12/2022 20:30

@LolaMoon

Agree. I'd love to hear you elaborate on why you're surprised op? 😂😂

LolaSmiles · 21/12/2022 20:31

I mean find have a relationship if you want but why does everything have to be so serious and intense when your 23 for example?
Why do you assume being in a relationship at 23 is serious and intense?

Has it still not crossed your mind that if two people like each other, are attracted to each other, are compatible, and want similar things in life that they might decide to live life together and enjoy it?

It seems to boil down to the fact you're miserable and single, so think everyone else should be single and miserable too.

LolaSmiles · 21/12/2022 20:33

It shouldn't need clarifying but as OP is throwing one hell of a pity party, that's not because being single equals being miserable.

It's that the OP seems to want to bring everyone down in the pity spiral because she has weird views about relationships.

Charlize43 · 21/12/2022 20:38

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:26

It surprises me when I hear of those in their early to mid twenties settled down with no interest in splitting up or being single.

That's a kind of bizarre attitude. Why would you have any interest in splitting up if you enjoy being with someone?

There's also nothing nicer than having someone to share experiences / laughter with.

Veryxonfused · 21/12/2022 20:39

No idea what you’re talking about. Because your posts are a series of bitter grumblings rather than actual explanation of what your issue is

Pismascrescents · 21/12/2022 20:40

Charlize43 · 21/12/2022 20:38

That's a kind of bizarre attitude. Why would you have any interest in splitting up if you enjoy being with someone?

There's also nothing nicer than having someone to share experiences / laughter with.

Show quote history

I agree. It’s the time when you feel things the most strongly and there is something great about spending your life with someone. All those memories.

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 20:45

Just sounds like moaning from someone who based on their posts comes across as very immature