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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smug couples at Christmas

300 replies

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:10

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

OP posts:
Worldwide2 · 21/12/2022 18:09

When your talking about what you want to watch on TV do you mean you have to watch child friendly things? If so this really can't be helped.
Just to answer your thread in my experience it's quite the opposite. Family member split with long term partner last year and we are all very aware they may be feeling sensitive so we rally round and make sure that person is very much included and is part of any discussion we are having about plans. Sounds like you have a rubbish family if they are making you feel less than for being single.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 18:11

PineCone74 · 21/12/2022 18:05

I don’t feel this is true at all that as a single person you can decide where you are spending Christmas!

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Well no, you need more than 1 invite for a start.
Some people like to do their own thing without inviting more than a few people.

OP posts:
Wiccan · 21/12/2022 18:13

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 18:11

Well no, you need more than 1 invite for a start.
Some people like to do their own thing without inviting more than a few people.

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Well why don't you do your own thing then .make your own choice . What's stopping you ?

GordonBennett71 · 21/12/2022 18:14

"@ Newmum0322 It sounds like you have your own issues to work on. If you’d like to start a thread I’d be happy to offer advice… "

You are ok thanks. I got this covered. Nothing you can tell me. Your ignorance on this thread is obvious. 2 fully successfully grown DC's , my own home financially secure, and a life time of experience. Semi retired and spending 6 mths of next yr in Sardinia, i think i got this covered.

lieselotte · 21/12/2022 18:18

BadNomad · 21/12/2022 17:42

I don't think people really care if someone else is in a couple or not. I can't say I've ever thought about it or thought anything different. I do think Christmas is about family, though, but that doesn't mean a partner, or children, or even blood relatives. I have more fun with my friends than anyone.

I'm not sure, I feel like everyone closes in on themselves at Christmas. If you invited friends around for Christmas, they wouldn't come, because it's about family. Unless they didn't have any, or none close enough to see.

But I don't think couples are treated better than singletons, if anything it probably is easier to fit in a singleton than a couple if you have an extra place.

Charlize43 · 21/12/2022 18:21

I'll never understand why some single people are so sensitive. I used to work with a woman who spent 50% of the time going on about how she was an independent woman and how being single was so much better than being in a couple / and the other 50% lamenting that she didn't have a boyfriend.

MovieQueen12 · 21/12/2022 18:22

It is hard being single at Christmas.
My siblings are all in relationships and it does make me sad to see them loved up with their partners, going on lots of Christmas dates and being spoilt with presents. I always feel like the sad loser at family gatherings and particularly at Christmas.

Whichwhatnow · 21/12/2022 18:23

I loved being single at Christmas. Spent it either with friends (I know you said you don't really have any OP, but maybe that's something to work on?), on holiday by myself somewhere fun (have been in Thailand, Myanmar and India for Xmas previously) or volunteering for local places serving free Xmas dinners etc.

Now that I'm married, much as I love DH it seems a lot more 'expected' that we spend the time with family on both sides, with all the travel and organising that entails. It's a balancing act and not particularly fun or relaxing! Plus the expense is out of hand now that my siblings and DH's have all had kids (we're childfree out of choice).

Can you not plan to do something else OP and just remove yourself from the situation? It's clearly getting you down and that is going to be obvious to your family and piss them off too, so it's a bit of a vicious cycle...

PainfulAnkles · 21/12/2022 18:24

I don’t know why people pretend they don’t understand what you’re talking about.

You’re definetly trated like a second class citizen if your single.
Longer you are one, the worse you’ll be treated.
Even worse if you don’t have kids.

YANBU op.
Sorry you’re feeling so down!

Aftersevens · 21/12/2022 18:35

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 15:52

and seeing old friends, but I dont have any friends.

This is the problem op. I think you’re lonely. Not necessarily needing a ltp but certainly some friends to hang out with.
The difference between being with loved ones and being alone seems particularly stark around Christmas as all you see are images of loved up couples, cosy families and togetherness. I understand why you feel the way you do and why you’re picking on loads of different things to take issue with. Because everything feels a bit crap at the moment. Maybe in the new year you can really focus on finding new friends so you won’t feel like this next year.

WaddleAway · 21/12/2022 18:35

PainfulAnkles · 21/12/2022 18:24

I don’t know why people pretend they don’t understand what you’re talking about.

You’re definetly trated like a second class citizen if your single.
Longer you are one, the worse you’ll be treated.
Even worse if you don’t have kids.

YANBU op.
Sorry you’re feeling so down!

I’m not ‘pretending’ I don’t know what she’s talking about. I was single for a long time and was never treated like a second class citizen by my family and friends.

Wanderingoff · 21/12/2022 18:36

@WaddleAway lucky you. I was. It happens.

MovieQueen12 · 21/12/2022 18:47

I think it really depends on the family to be honest.
My family all think that the only way you can be happy is if you are in a relationship. I'm always being told by my siblings that my mum has said 'Oh I so wish MovieQueen12 would meet Mr Right'. Even work colleagues in the past have said 'We need to find you a fella '. So I do get where OP is coming from in some ways. But I also try not to sink too low over it. I also know I would hate doing the whole in laws and meeting friends which couples do so it's all swings and roundabouts.
I don't want to be defined by a relationship. It's not who I am. I am more than that.

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 18:49

I don't think it matters if your single or in a relationship your family and friends love you for who you are. I think the OPs issues run a lot deeper than that . The OP seems pretty pissed off !

Wanderingoff · 21/12/2022 19:05

@Wiccan lots of families don’t love you for who you are unfortunately

MovieQueen12 · 21/12/2022 19:06

As a long term single person I can say that some families do judge and I think my family feel pity for me and are waiting for the day 'Mr Right' comes along but I try not to take that on. In general the people I have met socially and in work, are obsessed with couplehood and always give me a pitying look when I say I am single. It won't happen in every circle but it does happen. I also think they make jokes about me being a spinster now I am nearly 40 but that's their issue. Would rather be single then in a lot of the relationships I have seen. It is rare to be single and an older woman such as mid thirties onwards. I don't know anyone in 'my position ' so it can feel isolating

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 19:21

Wanderingoff · 21/12/2022 19:05

@Wiccan lots of families don’t love you for who you are unfortunately

Well maybe , to be honest I don't know what the fuck this thread is about and I don't think the OP does either !

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:25

MovieQueen12 · 21/12/2022 19:06

As a long term single person I can say that some families do judge and I think my family feel pity for me and are waiting for the day 'Mr Right' comes along but I try not to take that on. In general the people I have met socially and in work, are obsessed with couplehood and always give me a pitying look when I say I am single. It won't happen in every circle but it does happen. I also think they make jokes about me being a spinster now I am nearly 40 but that's their issue. Would rather be single then in a lot of the relationships I have seen. It is rare to be single and an older woman such as mid thirties onwards. I don't know anyone in 'my position ' so it can feel isolating

Its odd it's rare to being single mid thirties plus.
I thought more people would be single in this day and age.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:26

It surprises me when I hear of those in their early to mid twenties settled down with no interest in splitting up or being single.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:28

I deffo found it more interesting dating a variety of people when I was young and I assumed most relationships certainly wouldn't last.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 21/12/2022 19:28

All in your own head tbh

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:31

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:25

Its odd it's rare to being single mid thirties plus.
I thought more people would be single in this day and age.

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Not necessarily more people single, more likely more people having affairs but staying together due to kids ect

LolaSmiles · 21/12/2022 19:31

It surprises me when I hear of those in their early to mid twenties settled down with no interest in splitting up or being single.
Why would it surprise you that when two people are happy together, they don't want to split up?

How illogical would it be to say I've met someone I really like, and they like me, we are compatible and we're really enjoying living life together... Guess we should split up 😂

Hawkins001 · 21/12/2022 19:32

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:28

I deffo found it more interesting dating a variety of people when I was young and I assumed most relationships certainly wouldn't last.

But then what grounds were your perspectives based on ?

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 19:34

I just can't belive two young care friends people that are attractive? Would have no interest in going out and fancying other people occasionally. And Want to live together forever and do the domestic thing.

OP posts: