Smug couples at Christmas

[Aquarius1234]

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

Who isn’t letting you relax? What exactly is the issue?

That's the pickle at times, you can offer x,y,z perspectives, with the intention of helping but some people will take it as criticism

I don't understand why the perspective that people in couples are probably miserable is intended to be comforting.

I genuinely have no idea what your issue is. In what way are couples prioritised?

Why do women who plan everything to the last detail annoy you? Why do you assume their partner doesn’t get a look in?

Why would you think it’s appropriate to criticise things in someone else’s home when they are hosting for Christmas?

Honestly your posts just make you come across very immature.

Couples do usually take priority as one their is two schedules to manage, and two, they may have children to consider too.

where as if your single, then your considered more flexible with the plans.

This. 7 pages in and still nowhere forward.

Even if we have faults, we have the year to critique them, where as usually Christmas is ment as a time of inspiration , families ect

We are all different. I've seen "smug" people and there is a difference between happy and smug.
If people are happy and or smug, their choice, their life, good luck to them as long as they are doing no harm to you.

The overall impression I get from reading your posts is negatively and bitterness. Most of us do our very best to avoid people who are like this. We have enough going on in our own lives without being around people who bring us down. I know this sounds harsh and unfair. It’s just what I got from reading. I tend to try to look to positives in my life rather then the negatives.
sometimes there is a scapegoat in a family. Did you always feel like you were treated differently or was it only in adulthood.
Being single is not the worst thing in the world. Being in an unhappy relationship is far far worse.

Single here. Is you projecting. Naturally there have to be plans "around" couples as there are two of them to accompany - you are just one lot of work hours/holiday/travle etc.

I'm getting "superior teenager" from these posts...

I think I get it. Banishing you from the kitchen is almost treating you as a child rather than one of the "proper women" if the cooking is done collectively among the women in your family.

I've been married (first and only time) for 10 years and the only thing I miss about being single is Christmas. I had some of the most magical nights out and met loads of new people - people that ended up becoming real friends. Going out and never knowing where you will end up or who you will meet. People at Christmas out and about are at their best.

I miss it - all the endless parties at work, in your home town, with old friends. I never felt bad being single and I didn't envy the married people when I saw how they behaved at the Christmas parties when their spouses weren't there! I never went to coupley dinner parties (and still don't) why would I? They are boring! Being single is great. Just opt out of anything coupley.

This thread is can't be legit. Movies about single people running errands and 'getting by'. I actually chuckled

Completely baffling!🙄

No, I can't say that I have. I've spent them with happy couples, happy singletons, happy young and old. And if you count exh's mum and stepdad, as an anomaly, a couple of miserable gits too!

None of the above act as if their happiness is "better" they're just happy in their own way.

I had several Christmases as a singleton. Some as a single mum. Now with DH and DC.

All were good. Different, but good. Singleton involved a lot more glamour, parties, drinking, very nicely self indulgent and carefree. Single mum, such a special time with DS and I. Now with DH and DTwins, it's a very merry chaos. I enjoyed each of them. None I feel "smugly better" about.

You need to work out why you perceive couples as "smug" and work at it from that angle. One couple you know in particular that just piss you off?

I could see being annoyed at 'being in a couple' being so highly praised generally (I think it's odd we assume being in a monogamous relationship is the ultimate way to be happy), but it doesn't seem like that's what this is really about...

Is it 'other siblings get more attention'?
Is it 'everyone puts the stress on me'?
Is it 'my parents are control freaks'?
Is it other relatives talking about plans you're not invited to?
Is it finding happy couples annoying?
Is it being told you can't go in the kitchen, be stressed, or criticise?
Is it Christmas films largely being about romance?

It seems like there's a lot of anger and resentment bubbling up for you and coming through as this one specific issue and Christmas is terrible for shining a light on the parts of your life that aren't Hallmark-film-perfect. Be gentle with yourself, and work out what specifically is bothering you and go from there.

And if it's your family, don't go there - give yourself the gift of not dealing with them!

I don't think people really care if someone else is in a couple or not. I can't say I've ever thought about it or thought anything different. I do think Christmas is about family, though, but that doesn't mean a partner, or children, or even blood relatives. I have more fun with my friends than anyone.

I've been single my entire life (I'm 44) and have never felt "lesser than" when compared to couples. I've had friends who over the years have been single, married, divorced, dating and they've NEVER changed how they've treated me.

I think you're going to think negatively about how anyone treats you.

Jesus OP I literally cannot work out what your thread is actually based on. You seem more unhappy with yourself than with anyone else . Just comes across as bored moaning. I agree with other posters, you sound like hard work !

Well people with children sometimes do need a bit of flexibility however there should be no difference between a childfree single person and childfree couple.

Yes I agree , I find it very hard to believe this person is in their 30s ! This is the type of thing I got from my overly bored 14 year old 3 weeks into the summer holidays .

I don’t feel this is true at all that as a single person you can decide where you are spending Christmas!

I get what you're saying but I think maybe the thread title has annoyed people. People in relationships aren't necessarily out to be smug and they have plenty of their own issues mostly. But I do agree we live in a society that has certain narrow expectations. People end up feeling they need to hit certain goals by certain ages. For people on the path less well travelled you can feel the odd one out and expected to fall in with the plans of people with partners/children. There are plenty of practical reasons why that is the case but it can make it a tough time of year for single people, especially if the would ideally like to be in a relationship and it hasn't happened (I believe it's all luck and chance).

OP are you on the spectrum?