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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Received this anonymous message re: H

401 replies

Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:50

Hi, posted here for traffic. A little upset at the moment. I recieved this text message from
an anonymous sender today:-

“Why are you staying with xxxx. You know he is gay right? You need to get out of that situation you’re both fooling yourselves. The marriage is finished and has been for a long time”

Is it something doing the rounds or genuine? I’ve spoken to H and believe it’s not true and he’s not cheating. We do not have any sex life though and I could believe he’s bi-sexual.

They have my no and H’s name - shortened version which other people use, not me.

what the hell?!

OP posts:
movingonup2022 · 21/12/2022 08:51

If it’s got his specific name it can’t be a scam text surely? Can you add the number to your contacts then look at them on WhatsApp to see if they have a photo/name?

Josette77 · 21/12/2022 08:53

If you have no sex life and believe he likes men, then it seems like this is believable. I'm so sorry.

Eixample · 21/12/2022 08:53

It’s oddly specific to be doing the rounds. I would guess the person sending it believes it’s true, which of course doesn’t have any bearing on whether it’s actually true.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 21/12/2022 08:53

What a horrible thing to send to someone. I'd just reply f*CK off and then block

Justmuddlingalong · 21/12/2022 08:56

Do you suspect he's bisexual, but not gay, despite the lack of sex in your relationship?

BatshitBanshee · 21/12/2022 08:56

Sorry OP. I don't think that's a scam text - but that doesn't make it true either. However if you, his wife, believe he could be bi and you have no sex life...

Personally, I'd ask what they were talking about to see if they have more info. This time of year I wouldn't put it past someone to send a drunk text after an Xmas party. Equally sounds like someone scorned. Up to you what you want to do.

EVHead · 21/12/2022 08:56

I’d be looking for evidence of cheating. Doesn’t matter if it’s with a man or a woman - it’s cheating.

What man would openly admit an affair when challenged?

Bournetilly · 21/12/2022 08:56

It seems like it could be true if you think he could be bisexual and have no sex life. I’d be messaging back for more info and as someone else said check the number in WhatsApp

Mortimermay · 21/12/2022 08:58

It definitely sounds like someone with an interest in your relationship, whether that's real or imagined for them. I think adding them to WhatsApp to see if you can find a photo is a good idea. It has to be someone relatively close to either yourself or your husband to have been able to get your mobile number.

PatientZorro · 21/12/2022 08:58

“What a tragic twat you are” is the response that I would send, then block.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:59

I tried messaging back and it won’t send. It’s come from “anonymous” at 6:25 this morning.

Our marriage isn’t perfect in the bedroom department but we adore each other and I totally believe from his reaction that he hasn’t cheated and isn’t gay.
WTF though? Who would send such a thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 09:01

Two people know about marriage wobbles a little on my side. But we do adore each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 09:01

I wish I could get the reply to send!

OP posts:
Haveahappyholiday · 21/12/2022 09:01

I would be inclined to believe it sorry in the situation you describe.

If you found it to be true, what would you want to do?

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 09:01

WTF though? Who would send such a thing!

From the tone of it - and the intent behind it - I would say it's someone who wants to be with your husband. Make or female, I couldn't say.
Really sorry OP Flowers

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 09:02

male

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/12/2022 09:02

The message doesn't actually say that he is cheating, it just says he is gay.

Sandra1984 · 21/12/2022 09:03

Your H is or was in a relationship with another man and he’s trying to reach you. you’re married to a closeted case by the sounds.

incognitodorrito · 21/12/2022 09:04

If true, it sounds like an ex lover of his. Ask them to corroborate with dates & times then confront H.

RedHelenB · 21/12/2022 09:05

I would imagine it's from someone wanting to force things out into the open. If you said to dh I don't care if you shag men , what would his reaction be? Have you both talked and agreed to no sex in your relationship?

BatshitBanshee · 21/12/2022 09:05

Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:59

I tried messaging back and it won’t send. It’s come from “anonymous” at 6:25 this morning.

Our marriage isn’t perfect in the bedroom department but we adore each other and I totally believe from his reaction that he hasn’t cheated and isn’t gay.
WTF though? Who would send such a thing!

It'll be sent via a website then. You won't be able to reply.

Don't worry OP, someone who sends that won't be able to hold their counsel for long so either they'll be back in contact or... Not.

As I said, if this has made you suspicious, it's up to you what to do now. You could start subtly looking for signs something's going on outside your marriage.

belowfrozen · 21/12/2022 09:07

This person knows your number & Hs name. Id say there's something going on. Maybe he has a gay mate who has approached him. Maybe he's a closet case. Who knows but it's too specific to be a fake

Sirius3030 · 21/12/2022 09:11

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 09:01

WTF though? Who would send such a thing!

From the tone of it - and the intent behind it - I would say it's someone who wants to be with your husband. Make or female, I couldn't say.
Really sorry OP Flowers

Or someone who wants to screw up your life. Male or female.

Sirius3030 · 21/12/2022 09:12

incognitodorrito · 21/12/2022 09:04

If true, it sounds like an ex lover of his. Ask them to corroborate with dates & times then confront H.

She can’t message back.

Badger1970 · 21/12/2022 09:13

I think it could be just malicious, but it could equally be true.

I would want to start digging a little deeper, I'm afraid.