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Original poster

Received this anonymous message re: H

401 replies

Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:50

Hi, posted here for traffic. A little upset at the moment. I recieved this text message from
an anonymous sender today:-

“Why are you staying with xxxx. You know he is gay right? You need to get out of that situation you’re both fooling yourselves. The marriage is finished and has been for a long time”

Is it something doing the rounds or genuine? I’ve spoken to H and believe it’s not true and he’s not cheating. We do not have any sex life though and I could believe he’s bi-sexual.

They have my no and H’s name - shortened version which other people use, not me.

what the hell?!

OP posts:
DairyDiary · 29/12/2022 12:01

When I was at university, someone told me my (now) DH was gay. He very much wasn’t/isn’t and they were just a random drunk person on a night out so I ignored it. I spoke to someone else about a year later and it turned out that someone had set up a Grindr (gay online dating) profile using my DH’s pictures off social media - they’d catfished the person I was talking to pretending to be my DH and they’d ended up finding out months later that it was a completely different person. Because of that account, loads of people thought my DH was (not-so-) secretly gay.

There are far more reasons for someone to lie about this than tell the truth about it. The only reason someone would say this to you and it be true is because they think you deserve to know - but then they wouldn’t write such a nasty and accusatory message, would they? This person already thinks you know he’s gay so they’re definitely at least half-wrong.

CallMeRachel · 29/12/2022 14:15

@Blossom4538 I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I think that the most likely reason for this letter is that is actually from your husband.

Reasons;
• It’s from someone you know well who has your number and knows your husband.
• It’s from someone who refers to your husband by the shortened version of his name.
• It’s from someone who is angry /frustrated /disgusted about you being together.

You haven’t mentioned age in your messages, I’d guess you’re both under 50 though. Zero sex is unlikely for a man.

I used to work in a very male orientated workplace, believe me when I say about a third of them were openly having affairs and were doing so in work time. The wife’s didn’t know about extra days off, TOIL and shift swaps etc.

It sounds as if you’re content with your life at home and your head in the sand but the reality is likely that your marriage is not what you think it is. Sometimes men don’t want to be seen as the bad one who blow the family apart, hence the anonymity of the message.

If you go digging through his emails and online activities I’m sure you’ll probably find indications of him being a different person to the one you are shown at home.

The fact you’ve said you wouldn’t be surprised if he’s bi says a lot as well. That’s an odd thing to say about a husband, so I do think there’s more to this.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 29/12/2022 16:18

Blossom4538 · 29/12/2022 10:54

I did some digging and can’t find anything. Another chat with DH and I genuinely believe him. He can’t think of anyone who is interested in him like that, at all. We obviously do need to discuss our relationship further I think though.

So I wonder who on earth would do this.

Maybe he did.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 29/12/2022 17:45

I’ve checked phone, email and browser history etc. Nothing. He seems sad and frustrated and is worried I may finish with him in the coming months. He has sworn on his family’s lives that he genuinely has nothing to tell me and has no clue of anyone interested in him. He is quite shy and keeps himself to himself.

He thinks that the message may not be real - I said I think it is! We think then maybe from someone I know.

I don’t think he posts photo on social - he doesn’t really do social media. Fbook, but hardly ever logs on and has no profile pic.
Pics could be lifted off my social I guess.

Ive checked Grindr and a local group but can’t see any signs of anything at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 29/12/2022 17:46

I never go snooping through his phone etc! Feel awful!

OP posts:
Lenald · 29/12/2022 17:46

Blossom4538 · 29/12/2022 17:45

I’ve checked phone, email and browser history etc. Nothing. He seems sad and frustrated and is worried I may finish with him in the coming months. He has sworn on his family’s lives that he genuinely has nothing to tell me and has no clue of anyone interested in him. He is quite shy and keeps himself to himself.

He thinks that the message may not be real - I said I think it is! We think then maybe from someone I know.

I don’t think he posts photo on social - he doesn’t really do social media. Fbook, but hardly ever logs on and has no profile pic.
Pics could be lifted off my social I guess.

Ive checked Grindr and a local group but can’t see any signs of anything at all.

Look again in a few months/year. He’ll think the coast is clear. He’s obvs would have deleted rn.

Rainbowbub22 · 30/12/2022 08:23

Mine was the same, said he hated social media, had fb but never wanted anything posted on there. Turned out he had 7 different fb accounts, snap chat all sorts, would delete the apps and download when I wasn't around. I'm not trying to put you on a downer or anything, I know how much pain this stuff causes, I genuinely hope that your situation turns out different to mine but also your need to know the truth will never go away until you find it. I agree best to leave it, let the dust settle, then see what you can find in a few weeks time maybe

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 30/12/2022 11:49

I definitely will.
I don’t want to appear naive, but it really does seem as though he’s telling the truth.

I do trust him.
BUT what a thing for someone to say….
I will keep an eye out.

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 30/12/2022 14:32

Blossom4538 · 30/12/2022 11:49

I definitely will.
I don’t want to appear naive, but it really does seem as though he’s telling the truth.

I do trust him.
BUT what a thing for someone to say….
I will keep an eye out.

I'm afraid you are being naive.
It's the combination of this with the lack of any sex life that means I think you are being an ostrich.

I am sorry , I know it's hard when other aspects of your life are good, but I think something is not right at all here.

WavingCatpaw · 30/12/2022 16:37

Do you think that this is a red herring? That you might perhaps be focusing on believing or not believing this message as the deciding factor in your marriage, when actually you likely already know all that you need to, to determine whether to stay within it?

Rollingaroundinmud · 01/01/2023 19:12

The message is from someone you know that’s obvious. I feel sorry for your husband you either believe him and move on or leave him and he can find someone else. What was it like over Christmas honestly you need to check yourself. Checking his business and still found nothing.

Rollingaroundinmud · 01/01/2023 19:17

If he’s not sexually active he might not be into sex not everyone is. Rather than finding an excuse to think he could be gay leave him. Plenty of women out there who will love and appreciate him.

You talk about him to other people why would you receive that message.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 01/01/2023 23:49

@Rollingaroundinmud I love and appreciate my Husband so much, he is an amazing man.

I don’t know what the hell is going on to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 01/01/2023 23:52

I’ve only discussed things previously with two other very close friends and they aren’t involved in the messaging. They haven’t discussed it with anyone.

OP posts:
Rollingaroundinmud · 02/01/2023 00:21

It wouldn’t surprise me if it was your friend. Friends cause trouble you have made yourself a target for their fun. They say that’s it’s the closest people to you not strangers or people who don’t know you very well.

BatshitBanshee · 02/01/2023 00:24

Blossom4538 · 01/01/2023 23:52

I’ve only discussed things previously with two other very close friends and they aren’t involved in the messaging. They haven’t discussed it with anyone.

Don't be so sure. When you're confiding in one person, you're confiding in two - the person you're telling and the person they're going to tell. It's too bizarre for it not to be someone in your circle or your circle, once removed.

JoyPeaceSleep · 02/01/2023 08:17

I agree, many years ago I was shocked and upset by something anonymous. I ran through the list of people I was close to and felt sick. But eventually, it turned out that it was a close friend of a close friend. somebody who knew a lot of details about me but had never actually met me. she owed me nothing I guess but it was just weird. Sometimes if you have a close friend in common you can end up knowing a lot about people you haven't met and won't meet.

mynamesnotMa · 02/01/2023 10:27

Has he any enemies

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 02/01/2023 11:51

Not any enemies really.

I trust the girls and maybe they’ve spoken about us but I doubt it. Obviously it’s a possibility but we don’t have a close circle of friends and they would unlikely have my number. It is a possibility I guess.

Planning on chatting with H again at some point.

OP posts:
Rollingaroundinmud · 02/01/2023 13:23

This is your doing that you created. Wait a minute maybe your husband gave out your number and that’s how it happened or he sent it.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 02/01/2023 18:42

I have never said to anyone irl that I think my H is gay or bi. I’ve never gossiped nastily about H, just usual discussion between my two closest friends of many year, about relationships.

I don’t think he’d give out my number and don’t think he sent it.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 02/01/2023 19:47

What makes you think that DH could be bisexual? I've never ever considered it of my DP so I'm struggling to understand why it's crossed your mind about your DH.

Cookie19 · 02/01/2023 20:06

Have you entered the number from the text into your husbands phone to see if its one of his contacts or ever been a number he's called before? I'm sure you have, but thought I'd check. It really sounds like it must be someone trying to break you both up, or trying to get back at one of you for some reason.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 02/01/2023 22:53

I’m not sure why really, maybe not, just me being silly.

Unfortunately I can’t do that as there is no phone no, just “anonymous”.

Yep, all very odd, it seems so

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 03/04/2023 22:59

Still haven’t got to the bottom of this and while I know it shouldn’t bother me really, it definitely does!

OP posts: