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AIBU?

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Original poster

Received this anonymous message re: H

401 replies

Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:50

Hi, posted here for traffic. A little upset at the moment. I recieved this text message from
an anonymous sender today:-

“Why are you staying with xxxx. You know he is gay right? You need to get out of that situation you’re both fooling yourselves. The marriage is finished and has been for a long time”

Is it something doing the rounds or genuine? I’ve spoken to H and believe it’s not true and he’s not cheating. We do not have any sex life though and I could believe he’s bi-sexual.

They have my no and H’s name - shortened version which other people use, not me.

what the hell?!

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 21/12/2022 10:35

Rollingaroundinmud · 21/12/2022 10:32

It could be a prank text?

Sex after children is different it won’t be how it was before you had children. I think it’s a silly message to send someone and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was a prank.

@Rollingaroundinmud

sex after children might be different but for most couples it doesn’t become non existent as is the case for Op

Underroad · 21/12/2022 10:35

I’m afraid I would bet any money that it’s true. It sounds like it has come from a man who’s been involved with your husband and is jealous or has been dumped recently. Maybe make a fake profile and check Grindr to see if your husband pops up?

Underroad · 21/12/2022 10:38

Also, if it was just someone trying to stir things up between OP and her husband, surely they’d have just implied that it was having an affair, not mentioned the gay thing?

rainbowstardrops · 21/12/2022 10:43

@Blossom4538 why did you say that you wouldn't be surprised if he was bisexual?

Motnight · 21/12/2022 10:44

The text doesn't specifically say that your dh is cheating, it says that he is gay. You have said that you think that your husband might be no sexual. It sounds as though there might be some truth in the text.

Good luck.

ElephantInTheKitchen · 21/12/2022 10:46

Bisexual erasure is a real thing; there are a lot of people who seem to forget that people aren't all straight or gay.

Perhaps your thought that he could be bisexual is correct, and the person texting you has managed to forget that bi is an option.

Onceuponawhileago · 21/12/2022 10:52

Hi, I'm bisexual and married for 22 years. I got a letter in the post telling me I was a faggot etc. Should come out. Abusive stuff. I showed it to my wife. My last relationship with a man was way before I met my wife and she knew from day one I was bisexual. I have never cheated.
I don't know who sent mine. It upset me but not her. Especially as it is possibly from somebody who knew me years ago.
In the end I ignored it but strangely I 'guessed' who it was just through a series of coincidences. .. never confirmed. I think the person who sent this is very close to you and I also must say that it might have come from your husband. If you are OK with an open sexless marriage that's fine but you should get to discuss and decide that.

Choconut · 21/12/2022 10:53

I didn't get a message like this but after 25 years it turned out my lovely husband that I trusted completely and had a great sex life with was actually bisexual and had spent our whole relationship trying to line up other people (both women and men) to sleep with. I remember when I first brought it up that I suspected something, he was stroking my hair as I cried, telling me he wouldn't lie to me, couldn't lie to me and that I'd be able to tell from his face if he lied, then started pulling funny faces to make me laugh. It was all lies, lies, lies.

You have no sex life and suspect he might be bisexual - if he was bisexual the chances are you'd still be having sex - but you're not.

JoyBeorge · 21/12/2022 10:59

Shatterproof9 · 21/12/2022 10:29

I know you say your husbands reaction looks genuine, but honestly, men can compartmentalise to the point they barely believe it themselves, hence their reaction can be of disbelief of themselves.
This is a massive bomb into your lives so if it’s true, I imagine he would pull out an Oscar worthy performance.

obviously the person behind this text isn’t a friend of YOURS, they don’t have your best interests at heart and would have told you in a more kinder transparent way.

it does sound like your husband has upset someone here. He does have the answers, but I suspect today he’s scrambling to clean this mess up before you discover more.

This is very true. You'd be surprised how many married men there are on gay dating sites, who's wives haven't got a clue their husbands are having sex with men. Unprotected in many cases too.

Northseacrone · 21/12/2022 11:01

People who send these kind of anonymous messages are 100% always doing it to cause upset. Either:

  • It is a total stranger. The internet is not as private as we think when it comes to getting hold of names and numbers - think how many spam calls get through to our phones. They've hit a nerve, as would be the case in many relationships. What would your reaction be if the message said he was a serial killer or Russian spy? 'Cheating' is a universal accusation that will cause upset. And no, it's not always about scamming money - often it's just dudes in their mum's basements guffawing about how many strangers they can upset.
  • It's someone you know. I have a friend who admitted to doing this kind of stuff ("when I was much younger"), always in response to petty slights or fallings out. Why not open up the mystery to your circle of friends? Maybe others have received the same message and are now fretting about their own partners.
Unless your H is a celebrity and his secret toy-boy has got an injunction against him, there is no other excuse for anonymous messages!
Refrosty · 21/12/2022 11:06

He hugs you and is affectionate, but no kissing and sex? Doesn't sound promising tbh but it's hard to make decisions based on the evidence you have.

I once got a very long rambling message saying DH was sterile and he was a horrible person who was lying to me about being able to have a family and that he was nice etc. I'd have been more inclined to believe it if we'd not just had a DC (quite easily pregnant both times tbh), and he's been lovely thus far. They couldn't have been too close to us because they'd have known about DC.

I think the bigger question is 'are you truly happy with the status quo?'. Unless he's asexual, I'm unsure how he could be living without sex. That's a major red flag for me.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/12/2022 11:08

Whoever sent it wasn't doing so to be kind, they're doing so to cause upset. No one on here can tell you your husband is gay, as they have no idea who he is. I would do some more investigating into it. Regardless of true or not, the person who did it is an absolute coward to either send it from a text site or block your number so you can't message back. What a shitty person they are.
Really sorry this is happening OP and I hope you get some answers Flowers

sorcerersapprentice · 21/12/2022 11:08

I think you should brace yourself for a confession from him
Sounds like a jealous lover to me

beachcitygirl · 21/12/2022 11:09

OP it sounds true to me.

birder · 21/12/2022 11:14

Could it be from the man you had feelings for?

He might want you to see sense and realise the truth about your marriage.

He has your number.

anyolddinosaur · 21/12/2022 11:15

Sounds like someone who wants to be with your husband and therefore wants you to split up. There may be truth in it, may not be and it's going to be hard for you to find out. If you are happy with your life ignore it.

Runningintolife · 21/12/2022 11:15

I'd say its from someone who wants you.

Aftersevens · 21/12/2022 11:17

birder · 21/12/2022 11:14

Could it be from the man you had feelings for?

He might want you to see sense and realise the truth about your marriage.

He has your number.

Oh! Yes. This is definitely possible.

SunshineLoving · 21/12/2022 11:18

I think it sounds like it's from a man who you husband has had an affair with.

You definitely need to do some more talking with your husband.

GrasstrackGirl · 21/12/2022 11:28

I think that there's a 99% chance that your husband is gay, not bisexual.

oakleaffy · 21/12/2022 11:31

Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:59

I tried messaging back and it won’t send. It’s come from “anonymous” at 6:25 this morning.

Our marriage isn’t perfect in the bedroom department but we adore each other and I totally believe from his reaction that he hasn’t cheated and isn’t gay.
WTF though? Who would send such a thing!

I know a gay man who is having regular contact with a married man - and has been for years.

I said “ Does his wife know?”
Friend says she does, (but I wonder..£

Allegedly the wife and husband never have sex, but love each other.

I know my friend is a bit jealous of the wife..

Your husband could be bisexual?
It sounds like a jealous would be partner..
Not nice to receive though.
Husband needs to be absolutely honest with you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 21/12/2022 11:38

I'm sorry you received that text, OP. Time to confront your husband and get the truth.

To all the 'Just send an anonymous message' twatsAngry out there... this is why you don't do it. Have the courage of your convictions and accuse in your own name so that people like OP can assess and rebuild their lives.

Schnooze · 21/12/2022 11:39

I hope you get to the bottom of it. Unfortunately he could be covering his tracks today though.

forththeroast · 21/12/2022 11:43

Who might be able to access his phone? That's how they got your number.

Luckymummytoone · 21/12/2022 11:48

What makes you think he is bisexual?