Received this anonymous message re: H

[Blossom4538]

Hi, posted here for traffic. A little upset at the moment. I recieved this text message from
an anonymous sender today:-

“Why are you staying with xxxx. You know he is gay right? You need to get out of that situation you’re both fooling yourselves. The marriage is finished and has been for a long time”

Is it something doing the rounds or genuine? I’ve spoken to H and believe it’s not true and he’s not cheating. We do not have any sex life though and I could believe he’s bi-sexual.

They have my no and H’s name - shortened version which other people use, not me.

what the hell?!

Well, yeah. I’d suggest he’s perhaps been seeing men and someone thinks you should know. It’s utterly random otherwise.

My gut reaction is that it has been sent by someone who is in close contact with your H and has had access to his phone so would then have your number. Your H may still adore you and have the closest of relationships with you but this doesn't stop him being gay.
If you've been together since you were both young perhaps this is only recently that this has surfaced.

Another one for its not a scam. The message has come directly to you for a reason.

It's just the reasoning is unclear.

When it comes to your husband, I've learnt through experience that we can be lied to really easily if we're desperate to believe the lie.

I'd dig deep.

I'm so so sorry.

Why do you think he could be bi?

It's weird that you can't reply to the message but without a bit more information from them and your husband denying it, it would be difficult to know what's going on for definite.

Maybe it's someone just trying to stir stuff. Maybe someone who's jealous?

I'd say the message is from a real person because they seem to know your number and names etc.

Maybe they were genuine with what they said but only wanted to let you know without any arguments or whatever so blocked your number after. Who knows.

It does seem quite believable.

The message is not a kind one. It sounds quite angry and accusatory. I don’t therefore think it’s from a friend with the op’s best interests at heart. More likely someone who wants to stir things up.

What a horrible message. That's not some kind person with your best interests at heart that's someone that's pissed off about something and who wants to cause problems. I'd take it with a massive pinch of salt.

Taken on face value and the way it is written I think this is a person who is frustrated as they like your husband and it is a male and a very nasty text to send. They got the number from your husbands phone when they were with your husband and your husband knows exactly who it is. Your husband has dumped them saying he wants to stay with his wife just probably wants the odd shag with this man.
if you and your husband are happy with a friendship marriage and he is actually gay then you are certainly not the only couple who live like this. However the lying element is for you to decide if you can forgive that.

It's a horrible message even if it's true. If it was someone with a modicum of decency they'd have worded it much more kindly.
So it's some dickhead, probably drunk. That wants your husband.

On the morning of my wedding while I was getting ready I got a text saying my husband was a paedophile. Some people are just fucking lovely. It was obviously someone we cared enough about to invite to our wedding to have timed it so well

Who knows whether it’s real or a prank. Have you checked DH’s laptop for gay porn?

I'd be going through his emails, deleted, drafts, sent, junk etc. Because it sounds like it's possible.

It’s problematic to presume it’s someone interested in your husband. It could just as easily be someone who your husband has confided in, who feels you should know. Just look at the threads on here and you’ll see that while anonymous messages are often discounted as scams and hurtful; the majority of posters default to wanting to anonymously comment, whether that’s a text/letter/note etc. It is, culturally, a preference at the moment.

Thinking about it logically, which is admittedly much easier when it’s not your husband involved, they used your number and a short version of his name, that you don’t use but others do. So they’re more likely to know him than you. Which means he’s either annoyed someone to the extent that they’d maliciously find your number and start a hell of a rumour, which you’d hope he would remember, or the person believes what they’ve sent, and thinks you deserve to know.

Either way, if it was me, I’d be using it to start a conversation about the state of the marriage and why it’s sexless. It’s lovely that you adore each other but that’s not enough for a lot of people, they need the sexual side too. Are you both definitely people who are happy to have a friendship rather than a marriage; in conventional terms?

Yeah, perhaps they've been lied to and mistreated by her husband and want to get back at him by blowing his marriage apart.

I’ve been feeling like I need more and things aren’t quite right, but he knows that. We are like the closest of friends and honest with each other.
I did earlier this year develop feelings for someone but nothing would happen there.
I adore H and we have a lot of responsibility between us with SEN children.
I miss kissing, sex life.
We are affectionate with lots of hugs. He is the sweetest, most honest man. He can hide his feelings sometimes.

We’ll speak more this evening.

H is so kind and likeable. He is much loved by everyone so I can’t see it been someone disgruntled and malicious

It[s absolutely a horrible message to receive, but it is not a horrible message.

It is someone who wants you to know, for whatever reason, who may deliberately diguising the way they normally would speak.

If your marriage is sexless don't be surprised if he's getting it somewhere else. I think someone you know is trying to light a fire under you.

You could always try and ring it off your husbands phone and see it you can get through?

I know you say your husbands reaction looks genuine, but honestly, men can compartmentalise to the point they barely believe it themselves, hence their reaction can be of disbelief of themselves.
This is a massive bomb into your lives so if it’s true, I imagine he would pull out an Oscar worthy performance.

obviously the person behind this text isn’t a friend of YOURS, they don’t have your best interests at heart and would have told you in a more kinder transparent way.

it does sound like your husband has upset someone here. He does have the answers, but I suspect today he’s scrambling to clean this mess up before you discover more.

I'd assume it's more likely to be chat sites or inappropriate messaging with a man than cheating based on his response.

Can you see the phone number?

It could be a prank text?

Sex after children is different it won’t be how it was before you had children. I think it’s a silly message to send someone and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was a prank.

Do you have another phone, like a work phone, with WhatsApp?

Presumably they've blocked your number but if you add them as a contact they might have a picture on WhatsApp.

Might be from someone you know. Do you talk to people about your marriage problems?

You've said you could see him being bisexual but not gay. So you acknowledge he could be into men. Could he have an admirer or have had an emotional affair with a man who wants your dh to be free?

Everything @Shatterproof9 says. Honestly I've known some of the kindest, sweetest, most lovely family men cheat. No one would have thought it of them. Compartmentalising and cognitive dissonance are huge players here.

Speaking to him after he's had time to clear the decks is probably not as wise as digging deep.