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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents 'beat us'to give 'the big gift'

265 replies

Notahappyelf · 20/12/2022 22:20

I'm just heartbroken. Ever since a friend got one in January this year,
all my little boy has asked for for Christmas is a remote controll monster truck. We've ummed and erred but it's the only thing he asked for this year so we got him one from the same series as his friends. It was £70 but having seen his ability to control his friends truck and how well its lasted this year we decoded it was worth it. Its a full on rc truck not a 'toy' one of that makes sense and we've been so excited to fufulill this year long dream for him.

We've just come back from my inlaws having an early Christmas and they gave him books, Christmas pajamas and... a cheap dinosaur themed 'toy' remote controll monster truck!!

I'm heartbroken. I'm not sure I can be cross with them as they aren't the sort to ask what to get him or what we're getting him the way his other grandparents or relatives do. But they've taken that special gift away from us, or am I being ungrateful here? I'm sure they knew that's what he wants, although possibly haven't been told directly that we were getting it. They haven't asked my husband what they should get but I'd hope they'd think we were handling the one thing on his official letter to Santa?

He even commented at bed time that we don't need to get him one now as he has a truck now :(

I just feel he's going to be so disappointed with our gift, and due to its value there's only stocking stuffers from us to go with it. Our son is too young to appreciate that our truck is of much better quality etc. I just feel that, possibly unintentionally, they've stolen a magical Christmas morning from us. I know grandparents like to spoil their grandkids, its lovely, but not to get 'the big gift '?

I want to ask them in future to at least run their gift ideas by us if they're not going to ask what to get him??

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 21/12/2022 12:31

Hear hear!

MRex · 21/12/2022 12:41

Franticbutterfly · 21/12/2022 10:38

I think it is a bit sad actually. My MIL is always giving gifts earlier than Xmas so she can get in first. I've asked to return things a few times and she was very put out, but it was exactly the same thing as I'd already bought and wrapped.

I would say still give your truck as it's likely to last longer.

Why didn't you return your unopened one and get something else? What on earth for your poor child think being given a gift and made to give it back unopened only to unwrap the same thing a few days later? It's such a baffling scenario that I can't believe this one.

Even if it's sentiment rather than something that actually happened, some of you seem like really hard work to be honest. Why is it so hard to say thank you and just appreciate people were nice to your kid?

budgiegirl · 21/12/2022 12:55

You're not unreasonable to feel disappointed, as you were so excited to give your little boy his present, and I can understand that this has taken the shine off it. But it sounds like it was unintentional, perhaps in future let grandparents know what you will be getting from his list to stop this happening again.

My MIL has form for this sort of thing, but intentionally! When my DD was about 4, the only thing she wanted for Christmas was some pyjamas for her teddy bear. She very desperately wanted them. So I got teddy bear sized pyjamas, slippers and a dressing gown, and I was very excited to give them to her on Christmas morning. I told my MIL that this is what we were getting her.

A few days before Christmas, my MIL presented my DD with all the exact same things. It was infuriating, but my DD was delighted. They weren't even given as a Christmas present, as we were seeing my ILs on Christmas Day. I was so annoyed, and my MIL pretended she didn't realise, but she did, and, to be honest, it has soured my relationship with her.

Even now, with my now grown up children, she's constantly giving them gifts in the run up to Christmas, it's all very odd, but I've given up caring, and I don't tell her what we are getting them now, so she can't jump the gun!

Namechangedforthis12456 · 21/12/2022 13:10

Cheap rc vehicles last all of two minutes before developing faults so there’s every chance it won’t be working by Christmas anyway.

If you’ve bought your son one of the monster jam ones they are worth the money. My son went through a phase of collecting them and they just will not die. Trust me I’ve tried… rc meglodon I’m looking at you 😒
Stunt Grave Digger is particularly amazing if you’ve bought him that one!

meetmynewusername · 21/12/2022 14:12

Hopelessacademic · 21/12/2022 10:00

This is the solution!

Show quote history

No, it’s f*cking manipulative and cruel.

meetmynewusername · 21/12/2022 14:16

It’s actually startling how many parents here seem to be equating love with material gifts.

As if by giving your child their favourite toy others are stealing from you.

Your child’s joy is what matters, not where or who it comes from.

Parents like this become in-laws-from-hell, because they can’t stand that somebody else is making their child equally or (gasp) more happy than they do! It’s competitive and it’s toxic.

Sugarfree23 · 21/12/2022 15:13

It's not about equating love with material gifts.

It's about taking a moment, parents have saved money to make Christmas special for their kids, looking forward to seeing the excitement in their face when they get up on Christmas morning.
But the main present no long seems quite so special and exciting when it's a better / different version of something the child already has.

Lot of Christmas is about the excitement in the lead up, the count down with the advent calender, the Elf on the Shelf the Christmas parties, the Santa visits, pantos, Christmas markets, decorating trees etc huge build up.
And you don't want kids feeling I've already got one a new one of these.

While I'm sure Op will pull it together and say Oh look we can race them etc really kid can only play with one at a time

ZoeCM · 21/12/2022 17:34

Why are so many posters on MN "heartbroken", "devastated" or "grieving" over completely insignificant matters?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/12/2022 17:46

ZoeCM · 21/12/2022 17:34

Why are so many posters on MN "heartbroken", "devastated" or "grieving" over completely insignificant matters?

Because they don't have the life experience to understand what those words really mean

thegreenlight · 21/12/2022 18:06

Get a grip. My DS’s grandad, my dad, died today after sitting by his bedside for a week. How on earth do you cope when things are actually heartbreaking? Appreciate that they are still here to be with your children and buy gifts. My dad isn’t.

Sigma33 · 21/12/2022 19:50

Your parents cared enough about your child to realise what they would like for Xmas, and then were in a position to get it for them.

Give up on competing, and focus on enjoying spending time together. I can't remember many specific Xmas gifts from childhood - I do remember the year it snowed and we went out for a walk together in the snow, the year the electricity went down just as the turkey went in the over, playing board games and laughing until I couldn't breathe, and 101 other wonderful moments.

Obviously I get DD things I think she would like, but if someone else has a brilliant idea and gets something that is amazing for her I am glad that she has people who love her enough to take the time and trouble to chose something amazing. It doesn't undermine me.

Tempyname · 21/12/2022 23:07

Simple, give him yours, keep the one from Grandparents at their house. We have a Gs and have some stuff at our house eg he got 2 scooters, one for each home, saves parents transporting them plus he has his favourite toys whichever house he is at.

blubberyboo · 21/12/2022 23:29

umm massive overreaction

your son will be delighted with your truck and now he and dad can have monster truck races. The thing about boys is that they love loads of things of the same type so that they can have competitions

not just one nerf gun! 5 nerf guns makes a team shooting event

not just one wrestler… 2 wrestlers can have a fight

not just one RC truck… 2 trucks make a race

Letthekidsplay · 21/12/2022 23:39

LubaLuca · 20/12/2022 22:26

'...they've stolen a magical Christmas morning from us.'

This is the best thing I've read on here for a long time. Thank you.

Because it makes you happy to see somebody sad that they don’t get to see their little ones face light up Christmas morning??? Ok you do you…. Op I totally u set stand why you’re sad because you’re a lovely parent who loves to see their child happy.

00100001 · 22/12/2022 07:24

Letthekidsplay · 21/12/2022 23:39

Because it makes you happy to see somebody sad that they don’t get to see their little ones face light up Christmas morning??? Ok you do you…. Op I totally u set stand why you’re sad because you’re a lovely parent who loves to see their child happy.

Show quote history

🙄

Ladyfrog59 · 22/12/2022 17:53

Yes you're over reacting.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 22/12/2022 18:21

YANBU
Loosen the wheel on theirs. Why has he opened grandparents gifts already though? That seems odd to me. I’d stop that and then you have time to adjust gifts before the day.

FTY765 · 22/12/2022 18:35

I'd be gutted as well, it's not the same now is it?
But I think it sounds like it was very unintentional. Is it's possible he's been talking about it to them as well?

Meredithmama · 22/12/2022 18:38

I think we would all feel a little sad that our surprise had been ruined but I’m sure your DC will love the one you have gotten them. My daughters had numerous dolls and one was never spoiling another. But for future maybe just tell grandparents what not to buy.

catandcoffee · 22/12/2022 18:41

Yes you are.

bridgetreilly · 22/12/2022 18:46

I can't help how I feel

HappinesDependsOnYou · 22/12/2022 18:55

and now he has 2 you can play them with him and race them etc

Keeper11 · 22/12/2022 18:58

I think you are doing well to come to terms with this OP. Unless the grandparents did this deliberately, I think you are wise to just suck it up. Maybe in future tell them what you are buying? My own son tells me what his daughter has written to Father Christmas about, so I wouldn’t dream of buying that. But do be aware of treating grandparents as unpaid babysitters, who are only allowed to buy what you want them to buy, and only dole out treats of which you approve. The relationship between kiddies and grandparents should be magical and this usually happens because grannies break the odd rule! Good luck with your particular grandparents!

anon666 · 22/12/2022 19:30

Oh gosh I feel your pain. To have invested like that and then to see it inadvertently bombed.

☹️

BajaBaja · 22/12/2022 19:42

Am sure he would be over the moon to have two monster trucks!!!!