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AIBU?

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Original poster

Grandparents 'beat us'to give 'the big gift'

265 replies

Notahappyelf · 20/12/2022 22:20

I'm just heartbroken. Ever since a friend got one in January this year,
all my little boy has asked for for Christmas is a remote controll monster truck. We've ummed and erred but it's the only thing he asked for this year so we got him one from the same series as his friends. It was £70 but having seen his ability to control his friends truck and how well its lasted this year we decoded it was worth it. Its a full on rc truck not a 'toy' one of that makes sense and we've been so excited to fufulill this year long dream for him.

We've just come back from my inlaws having an early Christmas and they gave him books, Christmas pajamas and... a cheap dinosaur themed 'toy' remote controll monster truck!!

I'm heartbroken. I'm not sure I can be cross with them as they aren't the sort to ask what to get him or what we're getting him the way his other grandparents or relatives do. But they've taken that special gift away from us, or am I being ungrateful here? I'm sure they knew that's what he wants, although possibly haven't been told directly that we were getting it. They haven't asked my husband what they should get but I'd hope they'd think we were handling the one thing on his official letter to Santa?

He even commented at bed time that we don't need to get him one now as he has a truck now :(

I just feel he's going to be so disappointed with our gift, and due to its value there's only stocking stuffers from us to go with it. Our son is too young to appreciate that our truck is of much better quality etc. I just feel that, possibly unintentionally, they've stolen a magical Christmas morning from us. I know grandparents like to spoil their grandkids, its lovely, but not to get 'the big gift '?

I want to ask them in future to at least run their gift ideas by us if they're not going to ask what to get him??

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Darhon · 21/12/2022 07:54

Many a ‘big gift’ over the year that we thought would be magical in some way wasn’t. One year we pushed the rocking horse hidden under a sheet for unveiling the next day and in the princess woke the toddler who freaked out and had to be shown what it was. The year we bought a lovely wooden play kitchen, the small child had seen a plastic one on TV and was then disappointed with the expensive wooden one.

He will still be really excited and if he has remembered his friends all year, probably be over the moon.

SpeckledlyHen · 21/12/2022 07:55

00100001 · 21/12/2022 07:45

Oh yes and the 5 year old get no present from mum and dad in the day.

Lovely....

Show quote history

From what the OP says the child is going to have about 49 other gifts…

user147283116 · 21/12/2022 08:01

This happened to me as a child. I was about 8 so a bit older but still remember it. I'd had my eye on a present and my grandparents got me a kids version which I opened first. I could tell my mom was disappointed and it was all a bit awkward. My parents had got me the proper adult version.
I then was trying to make a conscious effort to like both equally and be positive so nobody would feel upset.
I know your son is younger but please don't let him know how you feel. My mother would be upset and deny her reaction if I told her this now, but I do remember.

kingtamponthefurred · 21/12/2022 08:02

You win this year's prize for the lowest heartbreak threshold 😂😂

Limer · 21/12/2022 08:03

I think maybe next year I just need to tell all relatives what we're getting him to avoid it happening again. Yes!

8 grandparents, 9 Aunts and Uncles and well over 50 presents for a 5 year old who is writing lists? ffs there's bound to be some overlap much more sensible to open a savings account for him and have everyone put the money to good use. Superb idea. Something small "to open on the day" and a wodge of cash into the savings account.

Cantbebotheredwithchores · 21/12/2022 08:05

@Whatmarbles that's not what you said though... How does he know the presents are from you?

Foes he not believe in Santa?
You said he was young...

The kid is getting a monster truck, so clearly not 1 year old.
Children can still believe in Santa and say thank you to whoever has bought them gifts.

lightisnotwhite · 21/12/2022 08:05

Glitterpens · 21/12/2022 07:16

Goodness me people are so horrible on this and other threads. Also so many stupid replies. Questioning op as to why the child knows who the presents are from, why he opened presents early. Telling op to just give her toy away??

Why are people so mean to parents of young children on here over Christmas. Can people not understand that it IS magical seeing your child open their much wanted gift and the grandparents have bought a cheap version of the child's main present. That must be really disappointing.

Sure, it's not the worst thing going on in the world but for the op this is really disappointing.

Well the thread doesn’t require genuine compassion does it. It’s annoying for the Op, I get that but it’s coming from a position of privilege rather disadvantage.

The advice is sound though. If the Op had followed tradition and taken the presents back to put under the tree this wouldn’t be an issue. DS would have done Father Christmas and Ops first. Family and friends presents get opened after that.

No spoiling of main gifts and it doesn’t bother the child so much if other presents are either crap or brilliant as it’s about the whole experience of the morning unwrapping much anticipated gifts. The real problem is multiple Christmas Days.

Mumtqxidiamond · 21/12/2022 08:06

rc toys last really badly - over the years we’ve had ones that didn’t even survive Christmas Day so just give him yours and relax .. in future steer clear of early Christmas presents though ..

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 21/12/2022 08:15

"Heartbroken"??
Get a grip.

GetThatHelmetOn · 21/12/2022 08:20

Save the better truck for his birthday, he will appreciate it more after playing with the cheaper one.

or give him both.

Please do not worry about relatives trying to get the bigger gift, it may be totally innocent and kids have their reasons for what they want. My ex always tried to get a better most expensive toy of the same series than me for DS, not realising that although spending far more than me, it was not the toy he wanted.

One Christmas DS asked for one of those guns that throw foam darts, he wanted the smallest, exH got him one the size of a bazooka… what he didn’t know was that DS wanted the small one to have her under his pillow in case he saw any spiders so… you know which was the favourite and the one he played with the most 🤣

DappledThings · 21/12/2022 08:20

Don't know why people are being so sniffy about early Christmas. My brother and SIL and family are away this year and we are having PIL to ours on the day so we had early Christmas on the 5th.

Yes DC (my 2, niece and nephew) opened their presents from their grandparents and aunt and uncle. It's great having them spread out. Stops them being overwhelmed on the day and actually giving each toy some attention.

Having some presents early means everyone gets more out of it all.

crimbocountdown · 21/12/2022 08:26

This is another reason why I hated doing presents at PIL before Xmas Day itself

napody · 21/12/2022 08:33

SeaToSki · 20/12/2022 22:30

Take the batteries, out of the grandparents gift tonight and when it doesnt work just say “oh no its broken”. Then Christmas day will bring him a new one and a few days later you can ‘fix’ the grandparent one and then he will have two to race with

I think I'd do this!
And unlike others I would be a wee bit bothered, and I'd make sure 'early christmas' wasn't a thing again!

meetmynewusername · 21/12/2022 08:35

Yanbu to be a bit disappointed.

The idea about the batteries and grandparent’s toy is seriously twisted and fucked up though.

PP are seriously suggesting that you deliberately make him sad in the run up to Christmas, so that you can ‘save the day’ and give the BEST present??

My god how messed up and selfish can you be?! The very definition of controlling. Grim.

Bard6817 · 21/12/2022 08:37

Notahappyelf · 20/12/2022 22:39

Just to answer some questions-
My son is 5
We have several 'Christmas' days with various grandparents (mine and my husbands parents all divorced and 10+yrs remarried) my son has 8 grandparents and 4 of those can't be civil in a room with at least 1 of the others! Also pure logistical nightmare of 8 grandparents, 9 aunts/uncles and 8 cousins!
As to Santa gift, santa only fills stockings in our house and all other gifts are given from the real givers (just the way we choose to work things)

Sounds like hard work but a lovely family.

Yeah your thunder has been stolen a bit, but accidently. No harm meant i’m sure.

But you son is going to have far more fun, for longer, when the racing begins. Having 1 car is fun for a while but can be solitary, having more than 1, is going to be far more fun whilst the battery lasts…. And if he is just playing on his own, loves it anyway, he will be able to move between them as the batteries get charged on one. Kinda think you might have found the entertainment jackpot!!

I do get the upset…. But i assure you, he is going to love yours!!!! RC fan here.

WonderingWanda · 21/12/2022 08:40

The haven't stolen anything from you if you didn't make it clear to them what you were buying. My kids tell everyone who will listen what they want for Christmas and my family always check with me or I say quietly when the kids aren't listening 'We've got the doll, maybe you could get some doll clothes'. Take it back and get other things.

00100001 · 21/12/2022 08:40

lightisnotwhite · 21/12/2022 08:05

Well the thread doesn’t require genuine compassion does it. It’s annoying for the Op, I get that but it’s coming from a position of privilege rather disadvantage.

The advice is sound though. If the Op had followed tradition and taken the presents back to put under the tree this wouldn’t be an issue. DS would have done Father Christmas and Ops first. Family and friends presents get opened after that.

No spoiling of main gifts and it doesn’t bother the child so much if other presents are either crap or brilliant as it’s about the whole experience of the morning unwrapping much anticipated gifts. The real problem is multiple Christmas Days.

Show quote history

... some families have a free for all and don't do presents in a set order.
Some kids have two Christmases with two parents.
Some families open in Christmas Eve.
Some have early or late or 4 different days

There's no "traditional" way to open presents, because Christmas doesn't have rules set in stone because it's an continuously evolving winter feast with all sorts of traditions from all over the world and from hundreds and hundreds of years of celebration.

ladydimitrescu · 21/12/2022 08:41

I think it possibly depends on if it was done on purpose.
My in-laws were aware we'd bought a big under the sea ball pit activity centre for my child's first birthday, was very excited about it. Went over a couple weeks before and they'd bought one very similar, had it all set up and plonked her straight in it. I was very upset, but that was done to be malicious - because 30 seconds after without me even saying anything, she said "oh wait, didn't you get one of these?! Oops".

You will have a wonderful Christmas, try not to worry. X

MRex · 21/12/2022 08:44

You're cross because his grandparents knew him well enough to get something he will love. That's just weird, sorry. Boys never have enough trucks anyway, he'll be happy with both, especially having two to share one on play dates.

You'll be horrified to know that we let DH's parents get "the big gift" every Christmas because they insist on a large budget to be fair with other grandchildren. DS gets stuff he wants and is excited, it's all good. He likes other gifts from us too, he's a good kid, but above all he likes time spent focused on playing together or out at activities together. Kids don't score up who spent how much, but I do believe that's what he'll remember most fondly, me and his dad on the floor playing with the gifts with him.

Benjispruce4 · 21/12/2022 08:48

Why was he opening presents before Christmas? I understand your disappointment. But not much to be done now. I’m sure he’ll love both . It will be the best Christmas ever. What’s better than a monster truck he’s always wanted? Two monster trucks!

DappledThings · 21/12/2022 08:49

meetmynewusername · 21/12/2022 08:35

Yanbu to be a bit disappointed.

The idea about the batteries and grandparent’s toy is seriously twisted and fucked up though.

PP are seriously suggesting that you deliberately make him sad in the run up to Christmas, so that you can ‘save the day’ and give the BEST present??

My god how messed up and selfish can you be?! The very definition of controlling. Grim.

Totally agree. First time it was suggested to take the batteries out I thought it was a joke. Then others suggested it. Can't believe anyone would be so selfish to spoil a small child's toy for their own ends.

BreatheAndFocus · 21/12/2022 09:02

Did he have a List? Has he been going round talking about wanting a remote control truck? It sounds like he has. Surely any GPs with common-sense would check with the parents first because it would be pretty safe to assume the desired present had already been purchased by them?

I totally get your disappointment, OP. Next year make clear what you’re getting and ask them to let you know in advance what they’re planning to get. That way you won’t get duplicates/similar items. We always do that.

Your DS will still love your present to him. He’ll forget about the cheap Dino truck when he sees yours.

EnglishPearFreesia · 21/12/2022 09:03

Yes

Sigma33 · 21/12/2022 09:13

saraclara · 21/12/2022 00:45

It's not competitive. The GPs didn't know that OP was buying the same thing. In this case it was purely accidental.

Show quote history

Wanting to give 'the' present, the idea that anyone's present must be the most exciting/favourite, that's what is odd to me.

I once gave a little boy I babysat a tub of clear, pale blue bath gel with a toy shark 'swimming' in it. He loved wildlife, and it was fun and cheap.

His parents told me next time I saw them that he had played with nothing else all Christmas Day 😂and had never washed his hands so often. His parents thought it hilarious, rather then being hurt that their expensive presents weren't the highlight of the day for him.

Sigma33 · 21/12/2022 09:15

MRex · 21/12/2022 08:44

You're cross because his grandparents knew him well enough to get something he will love. That's just weird, sorry. Boys never have enough trucks anyway, he'll be happy with both, especially having two to share one on play dates.

You'll be horrified to know that we let DH's parents get "the big gift" every Christmas because they insist on a large budget to be fair with other grandchildren. DS gets stuff he wants and is excited, it's all good. He likes other gifts from us too, he's a good kid, but above all he likes time spent focused on playing together or out at activities together. Kids don't score up who spent how much, but I do believe that's what he'll remember most fondly, me and his dad on the floor playing with the gifts with him.

This (though it's not just boys that like playing with trucks 😋).