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Original poster

Grandparents 'beat us'to give 'the big gift'

265 replies

Notahappyelf · 20/12/2022 22:20

I'm just heartbroken. Ever since a friend got one in January this year,
all my little boy has asked for for Christmas is a remote controll monster truck. We've ummed and erred but it's the only thing he asked for this year so we got him one from the same series as his friends. It was £70 but having seen his ability to control his friends truck and how well its lasted this year we decoded it was worth it. Its a full on rc truck not a 'toy' one of that makes sense and we've been so excited to fufulill this year long dream for him.

We've just come back from my inlaws having an early Christmas and they gave him books, Christmas pajamas and... a cheap dinosaur themed 'toy' remote controll monster truck!!

I'm heartbroken. I'm not sure I can be cross with them as they aren't the sort to ask what to get him or what we're getting him the way his other grandparents or relatives do. But they've taken that special gift away from us, or am I being ungrateful here? I'm sure they knew that's what he wants, although possibly haven't been told directly that we were getting it. They haven't asked my husband what they should get but I'd hope they'd think we were handling the one thing on his official letter to Santa?

He even commented at bed time that we don't need to get him one now as he has a truck now :(

I just feel he's going to be so disappointed with our gift, and due to its value there's only stocking stuffers from us to go with it. Our son is too young to appreciate that our truck is of much better quality etc. I just feel that, possibly unintentionally, they've stolen a magical Christmas morning from us. I know grandparents like to spoil their grandkids, its lovely, but not to get 'the big gift '?

I want to ask them in future to at least run their gift ideas by us if they're not going to ask what to get him??

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Mrsuntidy · 21/12/2022 06:09

YABU these are a common gift for this age group. We got our son a monster jam one but I think two people had bought him cheaper ones earlier in the year. The monster jam one has outlived the others so don't worry!

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 06:14

No more presents at early Christmas. That is ridiculous.

tackling · 21/12/2022 06:26

I'm surprised that so many people wouldn't be bothered by this. I don't have children but I think I'd be upset if I'd scrimped and saved for a special present, to have the shine taken off like that.

Having said that, how lovely that he has so many people in his life, that's incredible. He'll have such a special childhood just because of that, and won't remember the gifts many years from now.

Cosmos123 · 21/12/2022 06:28

You are heartbroken over this???

Gosh you have had a blessed life OP.

raspberrytinsel · 21/12/2022 06:34

it will be fine, he will love both and probably crush the cheaper version playing races! really don't worry about it.

AuntieMaggie · 21/12/2022 06:38

Honestly I get you're upset, and I would be too but I also wish my DC had grandparents who cared enough to do this.

Kids don't put the same value on this sort of stuff and he will still be excited and happy on Christmas day.

emotionallyfragile · 21/12/2022 06:50

I can't really understand as I've never been in that situation.

All I can think of when I read this is how I wish my children had grandparents in their lives. Not to give gifts. Just to be there.

Scoobygang7 · 21/12/2022 06:52

ElspethTascioni · 20/12/2022 22:24

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel upset. But I bet on Christmas morning, he’ll be delighted, and will be able to tell yours is better! Plus, cheap remote control vehicles last really badly, so theirs probably won’t work by the end of January and yours will come into its own!

From experience, it'll probably crap out before Christmas day.

ThePoshUns · 21/12/2022 07:03

I get where you are coming from OP, my parents were like this when mine were small.
I found it undermining as it took away some of those special, albeit small moments.
In the end I had to tell them to stop and to just buy what was asked of them, but was a difficult conversation as they were only doing it out of love.

Glitterpens · 21/12/2022 07:16

Goodness me people are so horrible on this and other threads. Also so many stupid replies. Questioning op as to why the child knows who the presents are from, why he opened presents early. Telling op to just give her toy away??

Why are people so mean to parents of young children on here over Christmas. Can people not understand that it IS magical seeing your child open their much wanted gift and the grandparents have bought a cheap version of the child's main present. That must be really disappointing.

Sure, it's not the worst thing going on in the world but for the op this is really disappointing.

Untitledsquatboulder · 21/12/2022 07:17

ThePoshUns · 21/12/2022 07:03

I get where you are coming from OP, my parents were like this when mine were small.
I found it undermining as it took away some of those special, albeit small moments.
In the end I had to tell them to stop and to just buy what was asked of them, but was a difficult conversation as they were only doing it out of love.

You told them what to buy? How fucking joyless. "No you will not be allowed to use your knowledge of you grandchild, or your imagination, to chose something you know she'll love. You will just.buy.this."

DisforDarkChocolate · 21/12/2022 07:26

Yes, he can have two. He'll still love having one that's the same series as his friends.

If this was really important to you then you tell grandparents what your main present will be.

Glitterpens · 21/12/2022 07:27

It's far more joyless for a child to receive duplicate gifts, or something way too babyish. My dcs grandparents would still buy paw patrol for an 8 year old if we didn't guide them.

teezletangler · 21/12/2022 07:34

I think it's quite strange to not coordinate gifts. My mum and MIL always ask what the DC want and always make sure they're not duplicating gifts. That's what I would do in future. And I don't think you're wrong to be disappointed and sad about this, I would be too.

Strawblue · 21/12/2022 07:34

Challenge DC to a RC truck race at the local park or on the garden - make it fun to have two RC cars because you can’t have a race with just one.

However, better to say you are disappointed rather than heartbroken - leave the latter word for people who are truly heartbroken through bereavement and so on, and not over a duplicate Christmas present.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 21/12/2022 07:36

You are overreacting. Your son has loving grandparents; and both they and you can afford to buy him nice presents - he's a lucky boy. Stop being dramatic and saying you are 'heartbroken' - this is not heartbreak - there are people genuinely heartbroken at Christmas for all sorts of reasons; you aren't one of them. Enjoy your Christmas and forget this.

carbedup · 21/12/2022 07:37

Op how old are you?

SpeckledlyHen · 21/12/2022 07:40

Cosmos123 · 20/12/2022 22:25

First World problem.

Why not give your gift to a family who would not be able to afford it.

Make someone else happy.

This.

take it back and donate the money to a food bank or buy some gifts for children that won’t get a gift this year

Duplocrocs · 21/12/2022 07:41

Come on!!
my mum died 10 years ago so will never be able to give my kids a gift - now that’s upsetting.
oh how bad I feel for you having caring grandparents who want to spoil your child

Cantbebotheredwithchores · 21/12/2022 07:41

@Whatmarbles because Santa is the delivery person after making toys!
All children should know who the presents are from so they can say thank you.

00100001 · 21/12/2022 07:45

SpeckledlyHen · 21/12/2022 07:40

This.

take it back and donate the money to a food bank or buy some gifts for children that won’t get a gift this year

Show quote history

Oh yes and the 5 year old get no present from mum and dad in the day.

Lovely....

Cosmos123 · 21/12/2022 07:45

OP guess what it's not alĺ about you and your child.

You sound a nightmare.

I expect posts of my child was not invited to class party etc...

DancingWithYouInTheSummerRain · 21/12/2022 07:49

Totally understand where you are coming from.

We got my eldest the air hog rc monster truck 2 years ago, and our youngest another from their range last year......the races are fab, so adding yours will only make the toys even more fun!

It is annoying, we have my ILs who ask exactly what they are to buy for the DC, they then order it and give it in the amazon package without even checking it is the right item in there, and then my parents who don't mention what they have bought risking duplicates (it has happened), so I don't think any way of doing things is ideal.

Whatmarbles · 21/12/2022 07:52

@Cantbebotheredwithchores I missed it in the OP where she said as someone else has already pointed out 🙄

Don't know how old child is but it's a bit much expecting a 1 yr old to be thanking the gift giver 🤔
Each to their own though.

Pineconederby · 21/12/2022 07:54

I remember getting one DC an Elsa doll from Frozen when they were 3, some years back now. A friend wanted to do Xmas gifts pre-Xmas due to travels and guess what? She’d got the same doll. Our main present was her idea of a gift for a friend. Cue mad rushing around the shops with a newborn in tow to switch our gift for Anna
so DC had the pair… None of it was malicious or intentionally done to steal our thunder but it did sting at the time. I hear you, OP.

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