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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents 'beat us'to give 'the big gift'

265 replies

Notahappyelf · 20/12/2022 22:20

I'm just heartbroken. Ever since a friend got one in January this year,
all my little boy has asked for for Christmas is a remote controll monster truck. We've ummed and erred but it's the only thing he asked for this year so we got him one from the same series as his friends. It was £70 but having seen his ability to control his friends truck and how well its lasted this year we decoded it was worth it. Its a full on rc truck not a 'toy' one of that makes sense and we've been so excited to fufulill this year long dream for him.

We've just come back from my inlaws having an early Christmas and they gave him books, Christmas pajamas and... a cheap dinosaur themed 'toy' remote controll monster truck!!

I'm heartbroken. I'm not sure I can be cross with them as they aren't the sort to ask what to get him or what we're getting him the way his other grandparents or relatives do. But they've taken that special gift away from us, or am I being ungrateful here? I'm sure they knew that's what he wants, although possibly haven't been told directly that we were getting it. They haven't asked my husband what they should get but I'd hope they'd think we were handling the one thing on his official letter to Santa?

He even commented at bed time that we don't need to get him one now as he has a truck now :(

I just feel he's going to be so disappointed with our gift, and due to its value there's only stocking stuffers from us to go with it. Our son is too young to appreciate that our truck is of much better quality etc. I just feel that, possibly unintentionally, they've stolen a magical Christmas morning from us. I know grandparents like to spoil their grandkids, its lovely, but not to get 'the big gift '?

I want to ask them in future to at least run their gift ideas by us if they're not going to ask what to get him??

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Upwiththelark76 · 20/12/2022 23:37

And the moral of the story is ….. kids can be just as happy with a cheap dupe rather than the super expensive real deal .

don’t worry about it . Either exchange yours for something else or revel in the fact that your gift is the real deal and on Christmas morning he will be super happy and excited.

RupertBare · 20/12/2022 23:39

Why are some posters suggesting you remove batteries from his toy and pretend it's broken? What a stupid and mean thing to consider doing

Just give your gift as intended. Maybe add an extra toy or two to his presents if you can stretch to it

EIfie · 20/12/2022 23:41

YANBU. Sounds unfortunate rather than deliberate though. I'm sure your son will absolutely love the one you got him.

Oher · 20/12/2022 23:42

Yanbu.

Tell them. Say look you got him the same present we got him, so our xmas morning is going to be really different from how we planned it, so can we in future coordinate so that we don’t all get the same present?

Or, refuse to allow him to open any xmas presents before xmas day. I would. Just thank them for the presents and take them away to be opened on xmas.

He will notice that your truck is better, kids spot the higher quality item surprisingly fast 👀

Plus if there are two you can race them 🤩

beatsin8s · 20/12/2022 23:45

HowCanIPayItForward · 20/12/2022 22:41

I'd be upset too but this is a good solution

Show quote history

So he's upset until Christmas? Why is that a good solution?

Gem123J · 20/12/2022 23:47

I totally understand, although I’ve not had this issue thankfully.

My Dad is good in that he asks us or asks my DD what she would like for Christmas (she’s 5 so she can say what she wants), but even when she was younger he would tell me he was thinking of buying such and such and what I thought about that. My Mum used to buy lots of junk, lots of cheap plastic toys that just don’t last but now she knows that DD is into crafts more than toys she will just buy lots of crafts items which is great because they will be used, and enjoyed. Then my in laws also ask what she would like, because they’ve bought some things in the past that my DD didn’t bother looking at.

I just think it’s good to check. 1. We know what they like so it saves them wasting money. 2. Grandparents tend to buy bigger presents than other members of the family so they are running the risk of potentially buying something the parents have bought or that the children have asked for from Santa.

I think from next year onwards just have a conversation and tell them what not to buy because Santa or you are getting it for them, or suggest what they might really like and you’ve not got it for them so they would be over the moon to receive from the grandparents x

Lottle · 20/12/2022 23:47

I'd be gutted too. Xxxxx

Soreztee · 20/12/2022 23:48

The cheaper remote control toy probably WILL be broken very soon. My DS has had about 3 and begs for a new one as each has given up the ghost. I’ve refused further purchases! If yours is a hobby one or may well stay the course whilst the other doesn’t.

don’t forget though that having two is pretty exciting - you can have races with two! Go round obstacles course! Across jumps. An extra car could mean extra fun!

SleepingStandingUp · 20/12/2022 23:48

Cosmos123 · 20/12/2022 22:25

First World problem.

Why not give your gift to a family who would not be able to afford it.

Make someone else happy.

You really think their son shouldn't have a proper present to open Christmas morning because HD already got one a week before?

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 20/12/2022 23:50

I completely get this. My MIL asked what my DD would like for Christmas last year. She asked my DP in sept and was sent the link. Not an expensive item but something i knew she would love.
Christmas Day came and my DP couldnt see why i didnt seem overjoyed with his Mothers gifts......
I had brought my DD her first pram and doll. (Wooden pram and really sweet ragdoll)
His mother had bought her a Wilko pram and doll - im not being snobby about cost, but the quality was appaling
I bought her an afternoon tea set
His mother bought her a tea set.

I dont understand asking what someone wants (or not asking on your case) if you dont want to listen. Taking the shine of a main present.is selfish.

Thankfully ALL my side ask if we intend on getting her XYZ or see what she would like to avoid waste

I gave MIL 's presents to the charity shop.

HowCanIPayItForward · 20/12/2022 23:53

beatsin8s · 20/12/2022 23:45

So he's upset until Christmas? Why is that a good solution?

Show quote history

No, you're right. I actually reconsidered after I posted that. I think others are right, let him have both, he'll enjoy racing them and probably soon realise mummy and daddy's one is better.

Mamanyt · 20/12/2022 23:53

Yep. A bit. When he opens it Christmas morning (or evening, whenever) act delighted, and tell him, "Now you can race with your friends who don't have one!"

Sigma33 · 20/12/2022 23:55

Competitive gift giving. Odd.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/12/2022 23:58

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 20/12/2022 22:51

YABU for letting him open presents in advance of the actual day.
If the GPs want to hand over presents a week in advance, then you take them home and put them under the tree, surely?
(they could always have watched him open it on Xmas day via video-call if they wanted to; when i was young this wasn't an option so we just phoned our GPs afterwards to thank them)
Alternatively, they arrange to meet up with you after the big day.

WTAF. Why???!

Mistressofnone · 21/12/2022 00:03

I do get why you're disappointed too. The dynamic of grandparent gift giving has changed since we were kids. We used to get one great present from our grandparents and loved it. My parents and in-laws come over with sack loads - Santa doesn't stand a chance!

It comes from a place of kindness but it does make you feel inadequate, not to mention finding space to store everything without making their other toys inaccessible. Oh and the guilt that comes with clearing out old toys, plastic waste etc.

The presents are actually a very small part of Christmas. Children will go back to school talking about who they played with, what they watched, the joke from their Christmas cracker, where they visited and who dropped their pudding on the floor.

TiredButAlive · 21/12/2022 00:05

Oh FFS!

Togoodtobeforgotten · 21/12/2022 00:06

There are a lot of children that are probably going without this year. It's lovely that he has grandparents that care so much and are generous there's nothing wrong with him having 2.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2022 00:09

Whatmarbles · 20/12/2022 22:55

How does he know the presents are from you?

Foes he not believe in Santa?
You said he was young.

The OP explained that Santa fills stockings in their family.

Charmatt · 21/12/2022 00:10

I have the opposite problem - 22 years of MIL not taking any interest in her GC and then giving my OH money for us to buy her presents for them. No thought, no consideration, no time spent, no wrapping, no worries on her part. The result is she doesn't know them and they aren't bothered about her.

Next year, communicate with them and be thankful they love your son enough to be interested in him and want to put tge effort in.

2 RC monster trucks is not the end of tge world!

WaitingOutside · 21/12/2022 00:13

I get it and I would be disappointed over it too. I also find it helpful to consider if it was just accidental or deliberate. In our family's case it's accidental. Don't make me feel much better but it is helpful to acknowledge the intention.

I agree with racing them, they are much more fun when there's two of you. The cheap one won't last long if he uses it in the garden unlike your one. You might find if you start saving some cardboard for ramps etc, the cheap one doesn't have the speed to do that, or the manouverability for a homemade obstacle course.

olivehater · 21/12/2022 00:15

Seriously? I’ve had to buy all of the gifts “from” the grandparents as they are too old to buy anything. Not counting my Dad that has nothing to do with them. Be thankful you have grandparents that want to do that. If it’s cheap it will prob be broken by Christmas Day anyway and you can give him his new one!

strawberriesplease · 21/12/2022 00:17

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Sugarfree23 · 21/12/2022 00:17

Op I get it, it would annoy me too. I'd definitely not be allowing gifts to be opened before Christmas day again.

oakleaffy · 21/12/2022 00:19

PatchworkElmer · 20/12/2022 22:27

I thought you were going to say they’d deliberately bought exactly what he wanted. Which would be awful. But that’s not what happened here?

Same!
I can’t see the issue!
having two is much more fun, and that one is better than the other makes it nit a problem.

ZenNudist · 21/12/2022 00:19

Over reacting imo