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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents 'beat us'to give 'the big gift'

265 replies

Notahappyelf · 20/12/2022 22:20

I'm just heartbroken. Ever since a friend got one in January this year,
all my little boy has asked for for Christmas is a remote controll monster truck. We've ummed and erred but it's the only thing he asked for this year so we got him one from the same series as his friends. It was £70 but having seen his ability to control his friends truck and how well its lasted this year we decoded it was worth it. Its a full on rc truck not a 'toy' one of that makes sense and we've been so excited to fufulill this year long dream for him.

We've just come back from my inlaws having an early Christmas and they gave him books, Christmas pajamas and... a cheap dinosaur themed 'toy' remote controll monster truck!!

I'm heartbroken. I'm not sure I can be cross with them as they aren't the sort to ask what to get him or what we're getting him the way his other grandparents or relatives do. But they've taken that special gift away from us, or am I being ungrateful here? I'm sure they knew that's what he wants, although possibly haven't been told directly that we were getting it. They haven't asked my husband what they should get but I'd hope they'd think we were handling the one thing on his official letter to Santa?

He even commented at bed time that we don't need to get him one now as he has a truck now :(

I just feel he's going to be so disappointed with our gift, and due to its value there's only stocking stuffers from us to go with it. Our son is too young to appreciate that our truck is of much better quality etc. I just feel that, possibly unintentionally, they've stolen a magical Christmas morning from us. I know grandparents like to spoil their grandkids, its lovely, but not to get 'the big gift '?

I want to ask them in future to at least run their gift ideas by us if they're not going to ask what to get him??

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Itloggedmeoutagain · 20/12/2022 22:57

Heartbroken? Really?

toomuchlaundry · 20/12/2022 22:58

Could he keep their truck at MILs? Do you see them regularly?

GingerbreadCookie2022 · 20/12/2022 22:59

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 20/12/2022 22:51

YABU for letting him open presents in advance of the actual day.
If the GPs want to hand over presents a week in advance, then you take them home and put them under the tree, surely?
(they could always have watched him open it on Xmas day via video-call if they wanted to; when i was young this wasn't an option so we just phoned our GPs afterwards to thank them)
Alternatively, they arrange to meet up with you after the big day.

Many people have early Christmases and there is nothing unreasonable about that. My DS and DIL are working Christmas Day, the DGC will have an early Christmas this year on Christmas Eve as their parents are both working 7-7 on Sunday. We will have the DGC on Christmas Day and it will be a normal day for them. Not everyone has Christmas Day off.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/12/2022 23:03

My parents used to get round this possibility happening when we were little by saying that Father Christmas picked up our relatives' presents on his sleigh and dropped them off when he brought our presents down the chimney/by magic or whatever. So they still had their labels on "from Auntie X and Uncle Y", "love from Grandma" etc, so we were able to say thankyou etc to them. But as we always opened our presents from Father Christmas (mum and dad) first on Christmas morning it meant that we got our big hoped for presents first too.

Mind you, my mum did liaise a bit too much with relatives, because I remember a few times being upset that Father Christmas ignored what we'd put on our lists, only for aunties and uncles to bring them, which we were of course very grateful for, and relieved. But I remember my mum hastily saying "oh perhaps FAther Christmas didn't have room to bring that present. Oh look, here's a present from Auntie X, why don't you see what it is", knowing full well it would be the "missing" thing from our list!

Rowen32 · 20/12/2022 23:07

We don't share any presents until after Christmas, maybe do that in future? I think if anything spoils the magic it's opening presents early..

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 20/12/2022 23:07

Jesus wept. He'll be excited to have another one. He's 5. I think heartbroken is really taking this a bit far OP.

Is this an only child PFB OP? If so, gently, you need to chill out.

saraclara · 20/12/2022 23:08

I understand the disappointment, but this was accidental. You didn't tell them what you were getting, so they weren't to know.

I always told the GPs in advance what we were getting as the 'big' present, to avoid anything like this. As a GP, yes, I do talk to my DD about what I'm thinking of getting, but in general I think it's up to the child's parents to wrangle the gift giving plans.

Of course in another OP today, a mum is complaining that her relative is asking her what to get her child.

MilkyYay · 20/12/2022 23:11

Yanbu, my parents would never ever do this. They always let me know what they are planning to buy.

Grandparents spoiling = cake in a cafe, pack of chocolate buttons, not doing all the things a parent should do.

NewHopeNow · 20/12/2022 23:11

So you only really got him one toy?

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 20/12/2022 23:11

Take the batteries out and tell him it broke, thank goodness Father Christmas sent one to replace it! Shove the other in the garage or donate it.

katepilar · 20/12/2022 23:13

I totally get why this has upset you.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 20/12/2022 23:13

You're thinking of this from the wrong angle, now he can have races with you and his dad or his friends........having 2 isn't a bad thing at all.

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 20/12/2022 23:13

I can totally see why you're upset, but your ILs didn't do it on purpose. Unlike mine (now ex) who did shit like this on purpose all the fucking time.

saraclara · 20/12/2022 23:14

NewHopeNow · 20/12/2022 23:11

So you only really got him one toy?

Good grief.

I'm glad you can afford multiple toys (including the Big much wished for one). Many people can't. Seriously, get out of your bubble.

00100001 · 20/12/2022 23:18

NewHopeNow · 20/12/2022 23:11

So you only really got him one toy?

Yes.
And the stocking stuff.

We only ever got our DS one thing for Christmas. He had 2 sets of grandparents, half a dozen aunt's/uncles, cousins, friends etc buying for him. He usually ends up with around 30 presents, so isn't without.

00100001 · 20/12/2022 23:19

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/12/2022 23:03

My parents used to get round this possibility happening when we were little by saying that Father Christmas picked up our relatives' presents on his sleigh and dropped them off when he brought our presents down the chimney/by magic or whatever. So they still had their labels on "from Auntie X and Uncle Y", "love from Grandma" etc, so we were able to say thankyou etc to them. But as we always opened our presents from Father Christmas (mum and dad) first on Christmas morning it meant that we got our big hoped for presents first too.

Mind you, my mum did liaise a bit too much with relatives, because I remember a few times being upset that Father Christmas ignored what we'd put on our lists, only for aunties and uncles to bring them, which we were of course very grateful for, and relieved. But I remember my mum hastily saying "oh perhaps FAther Christmas didn't have room to bring that present. Oh look, here's a present from Auntie X, why don't you see what it is", knowing full well it would be the "missing" thing from our list!

Some people like to be there when th gift is opened though.

declutteringmymind · 20/12/2022 23:19

Maybe tell him he can keep the one from his grandparents at their house.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 20/12/2022 23:19

No . My nassasist mother does this deliberately. I understand they may not have realised but I can see why your upset. they should have checked. give him the monster truck anyway if theirs was a cheap one as you say he will be really pleased with the one his friend has.

Jellybean23 · 20/12/2022 23:20

Truck races is a great idea - especially if yours wins. In my experience, when there is interaction with another person , the remote control toys are much more fun. Playing on his own with one truck soon loses it's appeal. This may work out better than you expect.

pleasehelpwi3 · 20/12/2022 23:20

If he likes the cheaper one, he will LOVE the one you have got him.
As someone said, the race idea is perfect.

Rainbowlights · 20/12/2022 23:24

Sorry if it has been mentioned, I have only read your replies, but what about one for your little one and one for mummy and daddy so you can play together?

FantaTv · 20/12/2022 23:30

Missing the point but do you have the link to this RC monster truck?

Dello · 20/12/2022 23:31

Yes it’s out of proportion.
I think he’d be pleased to have 2.

ApproachingTheBig40 · 20/12/2022 23:32

Massive over reaction

Mangledrake · 20/12/2022 23:33

I wouldn't take the batteries out or "break" / lose the other one. That seems really unkind.

Don't mess with his emotions to make yourself feel better. He will almost certainly be happy to have two. And it's not the grandoarents' fault.