Partners family not acknowledging my pregnancy ?

[girlshelpxx]

Hiya everyone, I want to know AIBU or do I have the right to feel upset? I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant (very early I know) It's our first baby and we are so excited. A few people already know including his family, they have known since I was 4 weeks ( we can't keep our mouths shut 🤣 ) he told them when I wasn't there , which I preferred tbh because we didn't know how they would react, I was told they reacted quiet well and they are happy. The few people that know gave me big hugs and congratulated me, except his family... I have seen them multiple times since them knowing and they haven't said anything to me, as if nothing is happening, me and his family have a good relationship and we talk all of the time, I just feel upset that they haven't acknowledged it ? is this normal for me to feel? when I say his family I mean his parents and his older sister who is 30! I see them most days during the week and I feel as if things are awkward because they won't mention it, I don't understand why they won't ? I did mention to my partner why they haven't said anything and he said "what are they supposed to say" which annoyed me because my parents give my partner a hug and congratulated us together , AIBU? xx

Turns out having children that you can’t afford at a young age and living off the state is still a lifestyle choice.

You sound very immature OP. Its no wonder they’re not talking about it.

No one of 18 is in a decent job. No one

I would imagine they are not mentioning it because at only 7 weeks they are probably desperately hoping you will have a termination instead of voluntarily going down the road of teenage parenthood. Which statistically does not give a child great life chances.

If you are both in full time work and earn enough to support a child, live together and have a rock solid relationship with little to no need for help from family, YANBU. If not, I’m not surprised they’re not impressed.

Oh flipping heck, of course they are not going to congratulate you. They probably feel very disappointed and to be honest, are probably angry with the two of you.

I actually think they’ve handled it with dignity this far. They haven’t said anything rude or mean, this is happening so they aren’t causing issues for the future by saying something they’d regret. They are just quietly processing. I’m sure they will absolutely love the baby once here but I think to congratulate you is abit of a stretch.

For anyone who's concerned, the op's almost certainly on a wind-up.

People have already said about them being no disappointed so I won’t re hash that.

other factors

• you haven’t told them directly so most people will be polite and not mention it unless you bring it up
• they also don’t know your thoughts on it
• a lot can happen in the early weeks, and may people will have had early miscarriages I believe the UK figure is 25% of pregnancies at 4 weeks and 5 % at 8 weeks. So many people who have been though it will most likely not talk about it until at least the 8 week scan, after that the risk is reduced (but not gone)

It probably is, which is pretty tragic in itself - in the thread that we were given the link to by@Afterfire OP describes her partner as 20 years old, but earlier in this thread, she's shaved a year off his life.

@SleeplessInEngland oops, cross post. Interesting that we both saw that at the same time!😉

I would be devastated if my son’s 18 year old girlfriend was pregnant. It would pretty much ruin their lives.

Exactly this. Are you both working? Living in your own place? You are both so young - and dare I say it, you do sound quite immature op - they are probably not delighted and trying not to say anything..

"We don't know, she might have her own business and house and be doing ok careerwise"

Oh please, what 18 year old has achieved that? If an 18 year old were in that position they are hardly likely to want a baby.

Did they have their kids young or later in life? I was in my 30's when I had my Son so would probably privately feel a bit disappointed if he ended up starting a family at 19, when I look back my life was only starting to flourish around then.

Or maybe because your bf told them while you were not there they are waiting for you to speak to them first?

Anyway as long as you and your bf are ready and happy about the decision to start a family that's all that matters in the long run.

Congrats op and I hope your pregnancy goes well. My guess is that they’re waiting for the 12 week milestone to pass. You get on well with them so maybe try to be content with that for now.

OP has started a dozen threads in the last few months.

Relationship started c September 2021.

OP was still 17 in April.

Got implant out for purpose of TTC in June.

On summer threads mentioned both were working.

They spend every night together but don't live together.

Op's threads show huge red flags of vulnerability. DP sounds controlling. She sounds like she may have a trauma history.

I imagine social services will be involved if this continues.

PhDs and visited a number of countries?

I'm not saying we did it the easy way. Just that we did it. We didn't come from privileged backgrounds. We were the first in our families to go to university. I have suggested to my children that they finish their studies first. I would say that we have not got ahead financially as fast as we might have if we'd waited 5-10 years, but we didn't want to. It was tough financially for the first years for sure.

To be fair, there is a history of early menopause in my family (by early 30s), so I was worried about that and it was a driving factor for me. Yet here I am in my 40s, and apparently the family history hasn't followed me. I could have another but I don't have the energy and have done my dash.

I just think it's unfortunate that we assume about the situations of younger parents. I remember random comments from strangers about welfare as a young mum when I wasn't on it.

Discrepancies in ages are no big deal. People often change details like that to avoid identification.

I always feel a bit awkward bringing up
pregnancies and congratulating people when they tell me so early, also if I’m told through someone else. Lots of my DHs friends told him quite early but then I would feel awkward to message their partners and congratulate them because they personally haven’t told me and what if the time between me finding out and speaking to them something awful happened! Probably just my anxiety but unless a woman says hey I’m pregnant and I’m really excited, I wouldn’t bring it up.

Ooh the OPs posting history makes for a disturbing read. Seems like the plan to get pregnant has been an early goal and the relationship isn’t healthy to begin with. I imagine his parents are beyond worried about this situation and are trying their best to not say anything they may regret.

I had a decent job at 18 so it’s not impossible. I do agree that 18 is young, I was 21 when I had my first and feel now I was way too young. It meant giving up on my career and taking a lower paid job.

My dd is now 18 (almost 19) and it’s not something I would want for her.

Uhmm that was 20 odd years ago. We're in a different economy now

Oh dear OP, looking at your other posts, you do not sound even remotely ready to have a baby. An accidental pregnancy is one thing - although still not ideal given how reliable contraception is these days - but what on earth were you thinking getting pregnant on purpose?

Do you and your boyfriend live together? Do you have jobs? Can you afford to take maternity leave? Do you have space to raise a baby? Can you afford to pay for childcare after maternity leave? Or are you expecting your/his parents to keep a roof over your heads and financially support you?

I don't say this lightly but it's not too late to have a termination and I think you should seriously consider it.

No wonder his parents aren't jumping for joy.

I would think they're probably horrified. I'm afraid I would be reading your threads.

I’d be horrified to put it mildly and even more so after reading your other threads.

Wow. Some of these replies are absolutely brutal. I had a child at 20, another one at 21. Im not going to lie and say it was easy but we managed. My partner was 21. We’re still together now. I have a degree and a career, I’ve also completed a masters degree last year.

Was it easy? Absolutely not. Would I have changed my children for anything? Definitely not. I also have a 1 year old and I wish I had have the energy now that I did with my 8 year old.

I lived at home, I had to find somewhere to live and make it a home. We don’t ask our families for much help and are completely self sufficient. It isn’t impossible.